The Day After Christmas

December 26th is one of the best days of the year. It's the day where we all just sit back, relax, and play with our new stuff. This year my day after Christmas will consist of me installing software onto my new computer, playing some Modern Warfare 2, and resting. There is a good chance that I'll be going to the movie theatre with some friends to see "Sherlock Holmes" this afternoon, and I might even get up the energy to write up a business plan that I've needed to get done for about a month now. December 26th is always a fun day, and it is always a productive day; thus, making it one of the best days of the year.

However you're spending your December 26th, I hope you have a wonderful day.

God Bless,

-Matt

Congratulations Jim and Samantha...Am I next?

Finals are over and they took their toll on me physically. I did very well this semester; in fact, this was my best semester academically, so far. Last Wednesday, immediately following my last final exam, I hopped in my car and drove home to Little Rock to meet my best friend and a crew of guys to go to Memphis for My best Bro's Bachelor party. While in Memphis, we ate some BBQ at BB Kings and walked around for awhile before leaving for Tunica, MS. Tunica was good times, but after a couple hours we decided that we could have more fun in Memphis, and drove back to Tennessee. We made it back to Memphis with no plan, except to have an amazing time, and an amazing time we did have. I am not at liberty to expound on the events that took place in Memphis, but I will say that it was one of the most fun nights that I have ever experienced.

The day after the Bachelor party, we left for Colorado to have the wedding. The road trip was great, and the couple days before the wedding were so much fun. We definitely created some memories and new inside jokes that will never be forgotten.

The wedding was today and it was perfect. The casual setting complimented the bride and groom's personalities perfectly, and the fact that it was small did not have any effect on their marriage. Samantha looked beautiful and it was easy to see that even Jim was blown away by the enormity of the moment. The "I Do's" were spoken and the champagne bottles were popped open for the toasts, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't get a little choked up during mine. I had so many things that I wanted to say, but all of them led back to one thing. Every word that I could have spoken would have come back to how much I love and appreciate Jim as my best friend and brother. I pray that he will stand beside me on my wedding day as well when God brings a wonderful woman like Samantha into my life, and I pray that I will have the same amount of character and class that my best bro has.

So, one wedding down and one more to go. My older sister Anna gets married to Christopher Kay on January 4th, and I can't wait. Anna is the greatest older sister that any brother could have ever asked for, and I am so happy for her and her future husband. Now it just seems like it's my turn to get married. Who knows...maybe I'm next? I wouldn't have a problem with that at all. After what I wrote a few posts down I did quite a bit of self evaluation and I came to the conclusion that I was wrong about a few things. The truth is that I am ready for marriage...I'm just too stinking hard on myself. So, from now on I'm lightening up. I'm still going to study hard and keep my priorities straight, but I'm going to throw out the old complaining and pessimistic me, and bring in the new still realistic but much more happy me.

All that being said: Congratulations Jim and Samantha. I love you both very much, and please know that I am praying for you two all the time. Come to me if you ever need anything, and I'll be more than happy to help...Have fun in Jamaica.

-Matt

The Battle That Rages

My final project for my Biblical Foundations of worship class was to write a paper and give a presentation on Worship as a form of Spiritual Warfare. Here is the paper I wrote.

The Battle That Rages

The line has been drawn, and the resounding sound of the war drums is dominating the air over the battle field. On one side of the field we find man, struggling and striving to do what is good and pleasing in the sight of their Lord, Jesus Christ. However, on the other side of the field we find a very tough adversary, “the god of this world” (2 co 4:4), “the prince of the power of the air” (Eph 2:2), and “the ruler of the demons” (Lk 11:15). Satan stands confident in the face of the human army. Ready and waiting for one of them to fall; he begins whispering words of doubt and deceit toward the massive line of connected shields on the human side of the field. He knows that their defense is only as good as their weakest comrade, and he intends to attack whomever he feels will fall fastest. The battle begins and the fiery darts of the enemy begin to fly through the air with a vicious animosity towards the human lines, but they fail to do any damage as they bounce off the human’s perfectly handled shields. However, the damage done is not physical, but rather, the darts strike a chord of fear in some of the men’s hearts and they turn and run from the battle; just as Satan planned. The remaining men stand strong because they know that the only way that Satan can touch them is if they turn and run away like their fallen brothers. These stronger men understand that the battle they are fighting has already been won by the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, and that their job is simple; stand and be prepared to defend (1pet 3:15). The men have the overwhelming advantage, but the minds of men are fickle and easily swayed; hence, this spiritual warfare rages on into oblivion. So, what exactly is spiritual warfare and what effect does it have on the church today? What role does worship play in keeping demonic forces at bay, and is there a specific form of worship that is used in this form of combat? These are all great questions which we will endeavor to answer within the confines of this paper.
First off, in order to answer these questions, we will need to come up with a solid biblical definition of what spiritual warfare actually is. The Apostle Paul wrote:
For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Cor 10:3-5 NASB).
Paul was writing to a Corinthian people; who had wrongly accused him of walking in the flesh in the moral sense. It is important to remember that, in this passage, Paul was using the word “flesh” in the physical sense; after all, he was human. It is also important to note that although Paul was a man, he did not fight the battle for men’s souls with his ingenuity, wisdom, or clever methods. Such weapons are ineffective in the battle against the forces of darkness for the souls of men. We will come back to this point later. John Macarthur wrote in his commentary of this passage in 2 Corinthians that:
The Formidable spiritual strongholds manned by the forces of hell can be demolished only by spiritual weapons wielded by godly believers – singularly the “sword of the spirit” (Eph 6:17), since only the truth of God’s word can defeat satanic falsehoods. This is the true spiritual warfare. Believers are not instructed in the New Testament to assault demons or Satan, but to assault error with the truth. That is our battle (pg. 1747, Macarthur Study Bible, NASB).
That is about as solid of a definition of spiritual warfare that has been pieced together, and it will be our reference point to spiritual warfare from this point on. Spiritual warfare is the never ending struggle to fight the deceivers of this world; both physical and spiritual.
So, now that we have a better understanding of what spiritual warfare is; we need to dive in a little deeper and take a look at how it affects the modern day church. Now, for the sake of avoiding confusion, we are going to define the church as the universal body of believers with Jesus as the head. The church has unfairly received the connotation of being a religious institution or a building where religious activities take place, and while churches may be where believers congregate to worship the Lord, the actual church is the body; not the building. Spiritual warfare is something that the church has been dealing with since the beginning of time and the enemy has attacked the church with the same things all throughout history. False doctrine (see Galatians and Colossians), fear (Num 13:25-33), and deception (Gen. 3:13) have been Satan’s favorite tools forever, and they are the same problems that the church suffers from today. The church is in a state of disrepair and needs to make a stand in order to survive, but what is the church supposed to use to fight back against the forces of darkness?
The answer to that question brings us back to the passage from 2 Corinthians that we looked at earlier. Paul said, “For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses” (2 Cor. 10:4). The weapons he was talking about to the Corinthians were the same weapons that he writes about to all believers throughout his books in the Bible. Paul urges believers to become worshippers who, “speak to one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs” (Eph. 5:19). He also encourages everyone to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thess. 5:17). But which one of these weapons will strike a more devastating blow to the enemy? The answer is neither. Worship is not music, and worship is not prayer. Worship is a lifestyle. Singing and playing music for the purpose of exalting God is just as important as praying and interceding on the behalves of others. The only difference is that each person has different gifts, and connects with the Lord intimately in their own unique ways. We were all created by God to be instruments for Him and we all play our unique parts in His orchestra. As far as worship is concerned with spiritual warfare; it plays a huge role in suppressing the forces of darkness.
One scholar put it this way when he wrote:
Worship is taught as something which is actually accomplishing something in the spirit world and is linked to the prophetic revelation and spiritual warfare. More and more believers look to music as the primary source of spiritual fulfillment. New generations of charismatic’s are proclaiming that God is restoring to the overcoming end time church forms of worship that purportedly occurred in David’s tabernacle. This special restoration is touted as the crucial element in God’s plan to restore His glory to the final church as a prelude to the second coming of Christ (deceptioninthechurch.com).

The first sentence of this quote is where the church is losing the spiritual battle. It is true that the church teaches that worship is meant to accomplish a task, but the actual task is rarely talked about within the confines of the sanctuary. When the congregation gathers together on a Sunday morning and the band starts playing, is the church body concerned with interceding? Is the general public of the church thinking about how excited they are to have the ability to praise their Lord and Savior, unabated, and without the restraints of the government? Or is our modern church more concerned with how well the band plays or with what they are each going to get out of the “worship” set? Although it may not be true for all churches, it is safe to say that the majority of believers fall into the latter, and sing the songs on Sunday morning without any concept of the power behind the words that they utter. Solomon said, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eats its fruit” (Prov. 18:21). The words that we speak, and sing, have power and if the church could wake up and realize that if they would go and speak truth in the name of Jesus; healings and many other miracles would take place, and the tide of the spiritual battle would turn in favor of God’s kingdom (Mk. 16:16-18). However, the question remains; how is this modern day Davidic tabernacle style of worship going to look? Luke writes in Acts 15 that:
“With this the words of the prophets agree, just as it is written, After these things I will return, and I will rebuild the tabernacle of David which is fallen, and I will rebuild its ruins, and I will restore it, So that the rest of mankind may seek the Lord, and all the Gentiles who are called by My Name, Says the Lord, who makes these things known from long ago "(Acts 15:15-18).
These verses clearly state that the Davidic tabernacle will be restored during the end times, but how is this pertinent to the topic of spiritual warfare? Well, if the only weapon that we can wield in the battle against spiritual warfare is worship, in the form of music or prayer, then we need to know exactly what the Bible has to say about worship. As previously stated, worship is a lifestyle, and as a form of warfare, our worship should pour forth from our bodies, souls, and minds with every ounce of energy that we have. The church, as a body of worshippers, should have but one intention: to “go into the world and make disciples of all nations” (Mt. 28:19). The fact of the matter is this; we may be the only form of Jesus that some people will ever see, and if the love of Christ is not pouring out of every orifice of our being, we become ineffective. Our task is to be a light in the darkest places of the earth, and our lifestyles of worship are how we are going to be able to combat the forces of darkness.
The enemy has done everything within his power to keep Christians from fulfilling the simple tasks that they have been called to by the Father. Satan’s primary objective is to deceive and disunite the church. He looks for the weak spots in the armor of men in order to break the chain of worshippers standing against him. The important thing to remember is that there are very few differences between physical warfare and spiritual warfare. In both spiritual and physical warfare, two sides are necessary for battle, each side has weapons and armor, there is confrontation, there is pain, training makes the soldiers better prepared for battle, and most importantly, there is a victor. However, in this case, we already know who has won the battle. It may not seem like a fair fight, but Satan knew that it would not be a fair fight when he got into this mess. He would have had to know that he could never match the glory of God, and now he has nothing except the ability to pull human souls away from the Kingdom of Heaven; a pitiful existence indeed.
The war rages onward, increasing in intensity, with every passing day, as the earth spirals closer and closer to its peril. Who will prevail in the battle for the spiritual realm? Jesus Christ will prevail, and all He asks of us is that we believe in Him and keep His commandments. We are to become the worshippers that we were created to be, and our mission is to be a light in the midst of the darkness. The overpowering essence of Jesus Christ inside of us should be more than enough to motivate a mere human being to defend the glory of the God who showed us grace in spite of our total depravity, and we should never hesitate to go wherever and whenever He calls us. The war will rage onward, but we know who wins, and that is all we will ever need to know.

I learned a lot from this project, and I hope you enjoyed my paper.

God Bless,

~Matt

A Day in the Life of a Man Who Lost His Confidence

Ok, so I've been avoiding writing anything about my life this semester, but I think it might be time to share a little bit about what God is doing in me.

For starters, God has been teaching me that I need to stop worrying so much about things that don't really matter, and that I need to make sure that I am bringing my problems to Him first. As a part of this process God has also been teaching me that I need to stop hiding behind the walls that I have built in my life (ie. School, Sarcasm, Self-Doubt, and Fear of Failure) in order to be used by Him. I am admittedly disobedient when comes to this, and at times, I feel socially inept because I am practically incapable of making friends. It isn't that I don't want to make new friends; it's just that every time I try, I fail miserably and say something retarded. I've noticed a pattern in my habits lately, and I can trace it back to the beginning of this year that the people I have admired most and wanted to get to know more than anyone else are very the people that I tend to push away from myself. I don't know why I do it and I certainly wish I didn't, but the fact of the matter is that my confidence is absolutely shot, and I have a very hard time getting close to people now. As a few people know, I made a commitment to the Lord to remain single for the entirety of 2009, and to be completely honest, 2009 is almost over and I still don't feel like I am in a place where I could be a spiritual leader in a relationship. It pains me to say that, but I know it's true. I have too many areas in my life that I still need to surrender to God and despite what many people may say, I am in no place to pursue a relationship. I need to work on friendships first.

Secondly, (yes, I know that first "paragraph" was long) God has specifically been teaching me be less critical of others. Everyone who knows me knows that I have a very analytical personality, and that I tend to say offensive things to people; I promise that a vast majority of the offensive things that I've said are unintentional. Once again, and on the same note as the paragraph above, my critical nature derives from my self doubt and academic obsession. If you hadn't noticed, I love school. School is the one setting that I feel comfortable in, and oddly enough it's the one place that I am able to truly relax. When I get in school mode I sometimes have the tendency to forget that there are even other people around me, and I get lost in my thoughts. Lately I've had an insanely large number of things on my mind, and I've been ignoring God who has been telling me to stop getting lost in my own little world and talk to people (which is still hard for me to do). I know I must sound like a confused loser who probably just needs to get over his past, but believe me when I say that you truly don't understand. I can say that with confidence because I know for a fact that there are probably only 3 people on this planet who truly understand who I am and what my goals are. I know this because I know who has actually cared enough to ask me questions about my life, and I know which ones I haven't lied too. That may sound terrible, but again, I have a hard time getting close to people and trusting them. I usually just assume that people ask me things about my life because they feel obligated to ask me rather than actually caring about me, or I feel like I can't tell them because they'll tell someone else. I'm working on this part of my life, and God is really challenging me to branch out and allow people to get to know me. I just get tired of being misunderstood.

Lastly, God is testing my patience. Patience is usually something that isn't hard for me to deal with, but lately it's been difficult. I know that everything that God has for my life will be revealed to me in His perfect timing, and I trust that He holds everything together. I'm just having a hard time seeing where He wants me to go next, and that scares me. However, it also excites me. I can't wait to see what the Lord has for my future, and I can't wait to throw caution to the wind and follow Him wherever He leads me...I just want to know.

Anyways, these are a few things that God is showing me and a few areas of my life that I'm working on. I hope this helps some of you understand who I am a little bit more than you did before, and I hope I didn't offend anyone with what I've written. Please pray for me as I continue to pray for all of you, and please know that I genuinely care about all of you.

God Bless,

~Matt

Har-Ber vs. Cabot

Here's the latest football game that I covered. I admit that it looks terrible, but you can blame the editor for that...

http://arkansashighschoolfootball.net/ViewArticle.aspx?ArticleID=311

A post about something other than football is coming soon. Hope you enjoy this one.

-Matt

Playoffs Round two: What a Great Game!

The Fort Smith Southside Rebels got on their bus and drove to Bentonville with only one purpose: to beat the #1 ranked and defending champion Bentonville Tigers. The game was one of the best that I've see in a very long time, and if you'd like to know who won and how they won; take a look at what I wrote this week.

http://www.arkansashighschoolfootball.net/ViewArticle.aspx?ArticleID=298

If anyone still reads this blog (which isn't likely) please leave a comment and tell me what you think of my writing, and how I can improve...

Thanks,

-Matt

Second Try: Playoffs Round 1

The air is getting colder and the playoffs have begun. The first round action in the 7a division was very exciting and all of the teams put on a great show.

Here's the report from the most recent game that I covered.

http://arkansashighschoolfootball.net/ViewArticle.aspx?ArticleID=288

Hope you enjoy, and God Bless,

-Matt

A New Hobby of Mine...

So, my best friend is a journalist he and got me hooked on going to high school football games. I've sat in the press box with him a couple of times this year, and kind of learned how to do the job that he does. I'm not great at it yet, but this past Friday I went to the biggest high school football game of the year (Har-Ber vs. Bentonville) and tried my hand at some journalism. Here are the fruits of my "labor":

http://www.arkansashighschoolfootball.net/ViewArticle.aspx?ArticleID=280

Take a look and tell me what you think!

God Bless,
~Matt

A Birthday to Never Forget

This post is not going to be anything remarkably profound. I just wanted to use up a little bit more space on the Internet to praise the Lord.

This has been a life-changing week for me, and God has used some very unexpected circumstances to grow me. As many of you know by now, I became a licensed minister yesterday (on my twenty-first birthday). Over the past couple of months I have been feeling the Lord pulling me in the direction of ministry and I believe that the nomination I received to become licensed was His final nudge to push me into His will. I still have the same plans to start my own business (as a ministry), and I am still going to pursue graduate school after college. I am just so thankful for all that God is doing in my life, and I would not trade it for the world. I am also thankful for all of the Godly men and women surrounding me. Your encouragement and competitive banter about scripture has sharpened me and grown me in ways that you probably do not understand.

Thanks again, and God Bless,

~Matt

Joyful in Spite of the Pain

First off, Fall is the best season of the year; I don't think I need to debate that point. Secondly, Fall break is fantastic. I can't even begin to describe how nice it has been to get away from all of the stress that school has to offer for a few days.

The semester is a little more than halfway completed, and despite my demanding class shedule, I'm maintaining an A average. I'm beginning to realize that taking twenty hours worth of classes wouldn't have been half bad if I wasn't playing baseball at the same time. I absolutely love the game of baseball, and I am so thankful that God gave me the ability to play it at a high level. Lately, however, I've been questioning my decision to play again. I injured my shoulder in August and since that day my shoulder has been getting progressively worse. I've seen the doctor on three separate occasions now, and each time they have refused to refer me to have an MRI done. I believe that I tore my rotator cuff and I do not think physical therapy is going to help my shoulder at this point. In fact, I think it will only injure my shoulder further and cause me to suffer quite a bit more pain than I'm already in right now (which is a lot).

At any rate, prayer for my shoulder would be much appreciated. My parents are insisting that I do the physical therapy; I'm not thrilled. On a happier note, God has been teaching me a lot about myself lately. He is slowly revealing to me His heart and desires for my life. It's growing in me an excitement for the future unlike any that I've ever had, and I really can't wait to see the big picture for what He has in store. The bottom line is that God alone is good, and without Him I would be hopeless.

God Bless,

~Matt

Change is Good but it's a Hard Thing to Do

You know those personality traits that you wish you didn't have? You know, the ones that tend to push other people (especially the people you like) away. Well, I have one of those personality traits and it irritates the tar out of me. For some reason the Holy Spirit decided that it would be funny to give me the spiritual gift of blunt sarcasm...not really, but some days it feels like it. Lately, I've been under a lot of stress, and the way I deal with stress is I ignore it. The way I typically ignore my stress is by brushing it off with a joke or a not so subtle jab at someone else. I rarely ever mean what I say, but the fact remains that I say it and often times I offend people who don't know me very well. I've been trying so very hard to be kind this semester, but I'm pretty sure that I've failed to set a good impression. I get messages in my "honesty box" on Facebook every day that call me a jerk or an "insufferable know-it-all," and to be honest, it really hurts.

The "insufferable know-it-all" comment probably hurt more than the jerk comments I get because my only goal in the classroom is to learn. When I ask my professors questions, it is not to question their knowledge; but rather, to learn from their opinions. I have the tendency to be very blunt and very opinionated, but it is never my intention to demean or devalue my professors. Right now I have a lot of theological questions that I am searching for answers on, and I believe that it is wise to seek counsel from those who are older than myself. It bothers me that my classmates get annoyed and upset with me for making corrections and questioning my professors because it just tells me that they would rather be told what to believe than to seek out understanding for themselves. I've been pretty outspoken on campus about my views on how I feel education gets pushed aside at our school, and I do not plan on being indoctrinated by any professor with differing views. I will listen respectfully, and question with the intent to learn from their opinions.

Something else that struck me as odd this week was a conversation that I had with a friend. I was talking to this friend about what I wrote above, and they told me that I tend to come across as intimidating. I had never viewed myself as intimidating; in fact, I tend to think of myself as an introverted nerd who likes to read and fix computers for fun (which is true). The fact that someone would think of me as intimidating tells me that I must be overbearing in my conversational style, or, people think that I am something I am not. Whatever it is, this news sure came as a surprise to me.

At any rate, I do plan on working on my sarcasm, but I don't plan on changing who I am. I understand that that my sarcasm offends people, and I am ashamed of myself for taking out my frustration on others. I apologize to those whom I have offended and I hope that we can start over (even though none of these people like me enough to read my blog...hmmm). To my good friends: I am praying for you all continually, and I miss you all very much. Please email me sometime and tell me how you guys are doing because I'm too busy to talk on the phone, and I rarely check Facebook anymore.

God Bless,

~Matt

The Daily Pursuit

Wow, has it really been a month? It feels like I wrote on here just a couple of days ago! So much has happened in my life since I last wrote, and I feel like I'm a completely new person.

So far, Ecclesia has been great. I'm learning a ton of exciting things in all of my classes, and I'm soaking in so many good things that God is showing me right now. I think the only thing that bothers me is that I'm too busy. I haven't been able to connect with a lot of the new students, and my determination to achieve high marks rubs a lot of people the wrong way. However, I'm content with my study mentality.

One thing that God has been showing me lately is that I need to actively pursue Him, as He actively pursues me. A verse that came to my mind today was Luke 9:23 in which Jesus says, "If anyone wishes to come after Me he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. What a great reminder of what worship should look like! All Jesus asks of us is so simple, but it starts with realizing that we are nothing without the incomprehensible power of our Lord. A book that I'm currently reading, "Real Worship" by Warren Wiersbe, makes a pretty good point:

"Mystery and Humility go together, and there can be no real worship without humility. God reveals Himself but He rarely explains Himself. Christians don't live on explanations; they live on promises and on deepening relationships. To some congregations, the unpardonable sin in ministry is for the pastor to admit, "I don't know," but the church should know better. God deliberately keeps some secrets so that you and I will stay humble and learn to trust Him, even when we don't understand what He's doing. He understands, and that's all that matters."

I love that we have a God that we can't fully understand, and I can't wait to find out about Him when I get to heaven and He says, "Well done, My good and faithful servant."

God Bless,

~Matt

A Fresh Start with a Change of Pace

Let me begin by saying that God is faithful and He is always good. He has broken me down and put me back together again, and this time I'm even stronger than before.

I have often said that I want to be known as a man like David, who was a man after God's own heart; however, I am ashamed to admit that for the past 10 months I have been anything but that. I have been selfish, immature, hipocritical, and fake. I've made a lot of poor decisions, and I've been running away from everything that I know God has called me to.

God has been working hard on my heart this summer, and through much prayer and dissapointment I've realized how selfish my desire to go to college for a business degree was. God has made it quite clear to me that I am not supposed to go a state school, and I believe that He is calling me to go to seminary. Now, I do still plan on starting my own business/ministry, but this time I want to be sure that it's the Lord's. I will not allow myself to get in the way of His will any longer.

I am back at Ecclesia College for about 3 semesters (I found out today that I'll be a senior after the fall semester). It is very dificult for me to be here, but I know it is where God wants me to be. I've been experiencing a lot of healing in my heart that I thought I had already dealt with, and for the first time since I left Ecclesia I feel connected with God. My times with Him have been incredible every day, and I am learning so many new and exciting things about my Jesus.

Academically, this is a change of pace for me, but I'm really excited about where God is taking me. There are still so many unanswered questions about my future, but I finally feel confident that God will show me what I need to know, when I need to know...because His timing is perfect.

God Bless,
~Matt
(Romans 12:1-2)

Update Coming Soon...

So, I've been too busy to post anything on here, but I plan on updating it very soon. Right now all I can say is that I've had a miserable summer, and I have some huge decisions to make this week.

-Matt

Hard to Leave

The time has come for me to fly back to Arkansas, and I'm having mixed feelings. Arkansas is the place that I currently call my home, but Minnesota will always feel like home to me in my heart. Leaving here makes me ache, and I wish I didn't have to go. Trusting God with where He has me right now is very difficult, but I do trust Him...

~Matt

A good day indeed...

What is my version of joy you ask?


My version of joy is being 1000 miles away from Arkansas in a place that feels like home on a beautiful, stormy evening...

It's good to be back in Minnesota...

Wishing you all the best,
~Matt

What's Missing?

So, all things considered, my life seems to be back on some sort of a track again. I found a college that will accept my credits and they accepted me less than 24 hours after I applied. I have a steady job that pays fairly well, and spiritually I feel like I'm growing closer to God every day. So why do I feel so empty? Lately I've just felt like a part of me is missing, and I don't know what it is. I'm trying to be myself, but I don't feel like me at all. My social life is non-existent, and I feel very alone. It seems like the harder I try to find a group of friends or even aquaintances to spend time with, the more lonely I become. I know that I'm where God wants me to be right now, but I'd be lying if I said I was enjoying it.

In other news, I'm going with my family to Minnesota, July 9th through the 17 for a family reunion. I had originally planned on skipping this trip so that I could go to Colorado with a few of my friends, but I was unable to come up with enough money for tha trip. I would much rather go to Colorado this summer, but Minnesota will have to do.

~Matt

Broken Down to Build Back Up...

I've been hanging on to this post for awhile because I haven't wanted to express how I'm feeling. The past 5 months have possibly been the hardest I've ever experienced. Mentally and Spiritually I feel like I've been alone on a desert island, and the loneliness has really worn me down. I survived the last semester of school by myself, feeling very much like a zombie, and without much human interaction. I really thought I was doing alright, but it was only because I was in a state of denial.

The truth of the matter is that my confidence was (and still kind of is) shot, and I had no motivation to pick myself back up. For the past few months I've been in funk where I really just haven't cared about anything, and because of that I haven't gotten anything accomplished. Every time I start something I fail to finish it because I feel like I'm wasting my time, and it just seems like nobody truly cares about my interests or whether or not I succeed in life. I think the thing I've been having the hardest time with is the fact that even the people who are closest to me don't seem to care about what I'm doing. They act as though they're interested, but I see it in their eyes, and I can tell by their tone that deep down they only ask how I'm doing out of a sense of obligation.

I have always been the nice guy. The guy who takes care of his friends, and wants to see them happy and successful. I'm the guy who is there to talk to, who sympathizes, and who really tries to understand because I care. Unfortunately, the guy I've been is also the guy who gets forgotten. The guy who gets walked all over by friends who take advantage, and the guy who never knows exactly how many good friends he has because it's just too hard to tell who is genuine. All but one of my good friends from high school have left me, and lately I've felt pretty inadequate as a person. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about my life since I moved to Arkansas and the friendships I've had over these past 7 years, and I've realized that I have felt inadequate in every friendship/relationship I have ever had, and it's the reason I've always tried so hard to keep my friends happy. I realize now that I was being used, and I have only myself to blame. Who wouldn't want to spend time with someone who listens, defends his friends, does things for them, and puts his friends before himself? I would love to have some friends like that.

Now, I'm not trying to cut any of my current friends down...I love you guys. Lately, I've just been feeling very alone, confused, and inadequate. The good news is that I'm making progress. Writing this has helped, and I'm really working on establishing myself again. I forgot who I was, but Jesus has subtly been working on showing me who He wants me to become and I'm excited to follow His will. My confidence may be shattered for a while and I'll never be he person I used to be, but I know that is a good thing.

Please pray for me as I continue to pursue Jesus wholeheartedly. Pray that He would speak clearly to me and show me where I am supposed to attend school in the fall. Also, pray that Jesus would restore my shattered confidence so that I may be able to do His work without any hindrance.

Thank you Friends,
I miss you all terribly, and I pray for you often,
~Matt

"With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints, and pray on my behalf, that utterance may be given to me in the opening of my mouth, to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in proclaiming it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak." Ephesians 6:18-20


P.S. This is not what I had intended to write, but when I sat down this is what came out of me. If I have offended anyone, or if you just have questions...Call me.

Tribute

This post is dedicated to one of the best friends I've ever had. Her passion for the Lord is what drew me to her, and her desire for God's will is inspiring. I am so thankful for you Melanie...Happy Birthday.

~Matt

Responsible...me?

Finals week is upon me, and I have way too many things to do before this semester is finished. I tell myself before the start of every semester that this will be the semester that I'll stay ahead of my work and finish all of my homework early. Unfortunately, I have not been able to meet my goals. There are a lot of things I could blame for me not getting my homework done, but it really comes back to my inability to say no to people. I've always been the guy who is willing to go out of his way to help people, and I have always enjoyed being that guy. However, I'm slowly realizing that I need to learn how to be that guy, and still be responsible at the same time. I take on more and more responsibility every single day, but I haven't been getting anymore responsible and that's not how I want to be anymore. I've implemented a few new strategies into my life that will hopefully get be on to the track to becoming a more responsible human being, and so far they seem to be helping. They're just simple things like getting up early consistently, replace watching television with reading, and running at the same time every day (weather permitting). I've already noticed a change in myself, and I feel like I have a lot more energy. Maybe even enough to get me through finals week.

Praying,
~Matt

"The Gift of Singleness"

You know those nights when you feel like God just smacks you upside the head and says, "duh!"? I had one of those nights tonight. I went to "The Hour" (a weekly college/singles ministry at my church) tonight, and got blindsided by a message about Singleness. I have been struggling with my state of singleness ever since I became single, and I guess I've been treating it as some sort of a punishment. But tonight the pastor really put some things into perspective that I needed to hear.

After worship, I sat down and the pastor said, "Open up your bibles to 1 Corinthians chapter 7..." Immediately an alarm went off in my head and a voice started screaming, "ABORT, ABORT!...get out now because this one is going to hit you where it hurts!" I'll be completely honest and say that I did squirm a bit in my seat tonight. He asked us to turn to chapter 7 verse 7, and he read Paul's words, "Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that." The pastor explained to us the importance of being content with our singleness, and how we should view it as a priviledge to be single. It is a priviledge to not have the distractions of a relationship holding me down and keeping my eyes off of the Lord, and I'm learning to be thankful for having so much time to spend alone with Jesus.

The burdon of wanting to be married has weighed heavy on my heart for some time now. My friends have always called me crazy for wanting to get married at such a young age, but I've felt that it is what God wants for me. Tonight that burdon was lifted. Marriage is still something I desire, but it is no longer something that is going to dominate my thoughts. I'm learning that I need to be married first to Christ in order to be prepared for the possibility of marriage. In the past I've hated being single, but this time I'm going to be much more intentional with my time and Jesus will be the only thing I long for from now on. Until He tells me otherwise.

Some quotes that impacted me from the sermon tonight:
"A single man/woman's focus should be on the Lord, and his/her attention not divided."
"Do not be anxious for marriage. It is ok to have a desire to be married, but do not be anxious. . . Trust God."
"You'll be a better mate in marriage if you become a better lover of Christ."

There's so much more I could say, but it's time for bed now.

God Bless,
~Matt

I May be at Rock Bottom, but I'm Making a Comeback...

God has been doing a lot of work in my heart lately, and right now I feel so empty. I feel so stagnant and unoriginal, and I just can't seem to do anything right. I know that sometimes we need to fail in order to grow, but I've never felt so worthless before. Not worthless in the sense that I'm never going to amount to anything, but more in the sense that it has just taken me this long to hit rock bottom. Giving up myself to serve God has destroyed life as I have known it, and has ruined me for for His purpose. I feel like I'm walking alone down this narrow path, and all I want is to be around people who don't resent me for what I believe. Lately, my faith has lost me my job (My boss is an agnostic who resents my views), it has pushed a lot of my 'friends' away, and it has torn me down the middle and forced me to choose whose side I'm on. I never thought that I would have to be intentional about choosing Jesus every morning when I wake up, but I'm finding out just how important it is to put Him first. I'm realizing that Jesus can't just be a part of my day; He needs to be my whole day, and everything else can come after Him. I really am at one of the lowest places that I've ever been in life, but I know that by putting Jesus first I can only go up from here.

I feel like God is calling me to become more of a spiritual leader, and I feel like He's telling me to start a weekly Bible study for guys my age who really want to go deeper. So, please pray that God will work that out and show me what I need to do, and that He would be preparing some guys who will really be committed to growing closer to God with me. Also, now that I don't have a job, please pray that God will provide a good summer job for me. And finally, please pray that I'll be able to stay strong and courageous in the face of the trials that I'm going through now, and the trials that will inevitably come in te future.

I'm praying for you all, and I thank you for your prayers.

God Bless,
~Matt

Just a Few Thoughts...

I don't really know what I'm going to end up rambling about with this post, but I took a really long nap today and the only logical thing to do with my lack of sleepiness tonight is to write on my blog....So, here we go.

I've had a really busy and really stressful week, but I wouldn't call it a bad week. In fact, it was quite good. I finished up a lot of homework, I have had some excellent times with Jesus, and I feel like I've learned a whole lot. God has really been working on me lately, and I can't even begin to explain how excited I am about my future with Him being the center of my life. I have committed myself to a strict regimine of reading and studying my Bible, and I feel like God is challenging me to solidify my beliefs by digging deeper to find out where I stand on some theological issues/topics. I can hardly wait for summer to come so I can start reading my long list of books, and I am so excited about all of the amazing things that God has to teach me.

~Matt

Summer's Looking Up!

Ok, so I have been so busy lately that I feel like I'm running circles around myself. School is getting to the point where the workload almost unbearable and I have no idea how I'm going to find the time to get it all done, but I know with Jesus on my side I'll manage. Praise Jesus for the hour I get to spend with Him between classes. =)

April has brought with it many new realizations within myself, and the urge to move out of my home has hit me like a ton of bricks. I feel like the time has come for me to take the next step in my pursuit of manhood and move out of my parents place. One Problem . . . I'm broke! Haha, I had originally planned on moving out as soon as school let out in May, but this week I really felt the Lord pulling me back and asking me to wait until August. After thinking and praying about it for awhile I know and trust that this is the best route to take. I am very excited for August, and I think I found a great place! God is so good, and I can't wait to see what the future holds.

On another happy note. I think I may have found a better job for this summer! The job would be working for Ace Hardware's wearhouse near my home in Maumelle. The starting pay is much better than what I am making now, and the hours would be much more convenient. Please pray that if this is what God wants for me, He'll give me a chance at doing this job. I really hope it works out. =)

I miss all of you, and I pray for you often. =)

~Matt

Holy is the Lord, so let us set this day aside for Him.

By the request of a friend I have decided to post on my blog again. I've been struggling to find a topic that I really want to discuss here on my wonderful blog, but I think today is an appropriate day to share my distaste for how the beauty of what Jesus did for us this Easter weekend has been overshadowed by our society. It bothers...no, it deeply saddens me to see how a day as special and beautiful as Easter has been tainted by consumerism and false idols. The Easter Bunny bothers me, and who in the world came up with searching for eggs? I can only conclude that these people were drunk at the time; however, the part that bothers me the most is that we buy into these man-imagined themes. Who are we serving!? Who died for us and rose again so that we can live a life free from the bondage of sin!? Jesus did, and let's not forget it. As christians, Easter should be a day set apart and above all the rest. We should show our Father the honor He deserves by celebrating all that He did for us on this day, and I don't think it's too much to ask that we set everything else aside on Sunday to do just that. Easter is one of my favorite days of the year, and I am so amazed by what God has done. I pray that you all have a wonderful, Jesus-focused Sunday with your families and friends.

~Matt

Another Seven Days, Another Set of Challenges

I'm trying to find the words to describe the last seven days of my life, but this week was much to complicated to simplify with just a couple words. God has challenged just about every area of my life this week, and He's wearing me out! This race that I usually refer to as life has changed from the speed-walking marathon into the steeplechase.

God has been doing a lot of work in my heart lately, and this week He really challenged my willingness to remain single. I am not looking for a relationship right now and I have no intentions of being in a relationship for quite some time. Unfortunately, I'm still human and it just so happens that I'm lonely. God used this week to remind me that even though I am lonely, I don't need to be in a relationship to fill that void in my life. All I need is God, and all He wants is all of me. Besides, I'm not alone by any means. God has given me a couple of amazing friends, and I can't even begin to describe how thankful I am for them. Melanie and Jim, thanks for always being there for me; you two are the best.

Another area that God is addressing in my life is my relationship with my dad. I mentioned in my last post that it's been getting much worse, and I gotta be honest and say that it's as much my fault as it is my dad's that we don't get along. I hold a lot against my dad, and I am unfair to him as a son. I guess I have a hard time believing that he cares about me now since he never seemed to in the past, and even though I love him, I just can't stand being around him. There is a lot of healing that needs to take place between us, and I don't know where to begin because he and I don't even talk anymore. Please continue to pray for our relationship...We're both very stubborn and prideful, and even though we both make efforts to reconcile; things never seem to get better.

God is so good.

~Matt

Tough Times

"In my darkest time, it's just enough to know you're there." -Jimmy Eat World



While that song is in no way of Christian origins or influence; it is a simple reminder of how good it is to have a God who stays close. My good friends already know about the problems between my dad and I, but writing about my struggles helps think through the decisions that inevitably come with hard times. The decision on the table today is whether or not I need to move out of my house. I'll say up front that I think moving out would be the best decision for myself and my family right now, but I'm not 100% sure and I'm waiting for a definite answer from Jesus right now.

The reason I'm being forced to make this decision is because my relationship with my dad is at it's breaking point. I have become my dad's favorite target when he's having a stressful week, and now the stress level in my home is at an all-time high. My dad and I no longer have conversations, we can't talk to each other without him getting offended or yelling at me, and I feel like he has unfair expectations for me. The pressure that I feel when I'm home is unreal, and I spend most of my time trying to figure out how I can avoid my parents. I'm finding out that I can't handle being my dad's scapegoat any longer, and the extra stress involved takes a serious toll on my ability to focus and my schoolwork. Like I said above, I still don't know if I'm supposed to move out, but I don't know how I'll be able to make it through this summer living at home. Please pray for me...

~Matt

A Week Summarized...

So, I noticed that I haven't written on here in about a week, and an interesting week it's been. I need to go to bed pretty soon here, but I'll go ahead and try to sum up my week here in a couple of sentences. This week has been challenging, hilarious, fun, difficult, and I most certainly think it was one of the most interesting weeks of my life. Because I'm learning, happy, lonely, and feel so loved right now. I have been studying, working, playing, relaxing, hiding, and avoiding being set up by my friends...That last one could turn out to be a pretty funny story. it definitly has been a very interesting week.

~Matt

Joy and Church

I am in such a good mood today! The Lord has put a joy in my heart that I haven't experienced in a long time. I feel like Moses today after he came back from his forty days on the mountian with the Lord (except it hasn't been that long, and my face isn't glowing...I think). I thought injuring my leg this week was going to be a downer, but it has done wonders for my morale. School has been easier, I'm sleeping better at night, and I feel much happier now that I don't have to go to my awful job (not to mention I may be starting a much better job soon). It just amazes me how the Lord uses seemingly awful situations for good, and for His glory. The pain of the leg injury just reminds me of how much Jesus loves me, and for that reminder I would walk a hundred miles on this leg.

I was able to go to my new church's college/singles ministry again last night, and it was so good! The pastor talked about a lot of things (he talked for over an hour) including: being a servant leader, crying out to the Lord for our needs, prayer and humility, and being humble while we pray. It was all good stuff, and I learned a lot about myself, but I think my favorite part of last night was after the message. I stayed for about an hour after the message just talking to people, and getting to know everyone (kind of a hobby of mine). They were all so nice, and I met a few fellow Minnesotans, who in turn, offered to let me come over to watch hockey. Now those are the kind of friends I'm looking for. ;-) I am so thankful to have a place where I can go to and fellowship with other believers. Jesus has been very faithful in that area of my life.

~Matt

A Lesson in Temptation

The beauty of temptation is that there is always an opportunity to resist it in order to honor God. I am typically weak when it comes to temptation and I often cave under its pressure, but this was a ground-breaking week for me. In the area of temptation this was one of the hardest weeks of my life. I've been faced with old struggles as well as new ones that have tried to sneak into my life and tear me apart; however, this time it was different. This week (with a lot of help from my friends) I was able to say no to all of the temptations and handle all of the trials; even when making the right decision hurt. I've learned this week that even when I think something could be very good and beneficial; I need to be willing to give it up when God asks me too. It hurts, I'm a little upset with God (we argue a lot), and I definitly won't be able to understand what God is doing for awhile, but I trust Him and I love Him enough to do what He asks me to do. I learned a lot this week without even realizing it, and now I feel so much closer to Jesus. The Lord works in mysterious ways, and I'm thankful that He feels I'm ready to be tested and tried.
~Matt

The First Storm of the Season

The rain inspires me. The exhilaration of watching lightning streak across the sky, and the soothing sound of rolling thunder in the distance calms my mind and makes my heart happy. God has used thunder storms in big ways in my life in the past, and tonight was no exception. The first storm of the spring season has my mind racing with new thoughts and ideas. God has been teaching me so much this past week, and tonight He is challenging me to take another step towards His will. I know that I need to go to sleep in a few minutes, but if I didn't have responsibilities I would stay up all night to listen to the storm and Jesus. Sorry, this is another one of my vague (and poorly written) posts, but I need to keep this one to myself. This has been a very good week (despite a lot of bad things happening), and I am excited about the future that God has for me. Praise Jesus for the rain!

~Matt

Where did the Weekend Go?

I think I've forgotten what a weekend is. I know I just experienced one, but I think it was just as busy as my Monday through Friday schedule. Saturdays have quickly become my least favorite day of the week, and Friday definitly isn't much of a treat. Even Sunday, my favorite day of the week, is really busy. I really need a break, but I just can't seem to find any time to take one. I'm absolutely exhausted.

~Matt

"A Man After God's Own Heart"

"A man after God's own heart." David is one of my heroes, and one of my goals in life is to be a man after God's own heart like he was. I think the thing I admire most about David is that he wasn't perfect. He was just a normal guy who God chose to be king, and he never took that for granted. David made a lot of mistakes throughout his life, but every time he made a mistake he cried out to God and dropped to his knees to confess his sins to God. David, like Moses, is a man that I want to be a mirror image of. I've made my fair share of mistakes (and I'm sure there are many more to come), but I want to handle them the way David did; on my knees, head bowed, with my hands held high as I cry out to my Lord and Savior. I love reading about David, what a great example of what a real man should be.

~Matt

Where is the Red Sea?

Moses was adopted into royalty, he killed a man, got chased out of Egypt, had a massive fear of failure, and made excuses to get out of being God's chosen man. I want to be like Moses. Moses was a man who recognized he had sinned, he repented, overcame his fear of failure, and lead a nation out of captivity because of his trust in God. I've made some big mistakes in my life and have struggled with my fear of failing for quite some time, but I recognize that I've done wrong and God forgives and redeems. He has chosen me, and now I'm making the decision to throw away my hopes, dreams, and easy suburban life for the cause of Jesus Christ. I want to be readily available when the Lord calls my name, and I can only hope that He'll use me to change a nation. Moses changed from a man who was nervous and insecure, into a confident man of God who lead an entire nation. That's encouragement enough for me to trust the Lord. I want to be like Moses.

~Matt

Car troubles + God's grace = Amazing Love

God's love is so incredible!! I love Him so much. Yesterday morning my car started to die on my way to class. I was able to make it into the parking lot, but I couldn't drive my car home. I had a moment of panic, but then God stepped in and told me not to worry about it. He reminded me that I need to trust Him to take care of me and all of my needs. When my car stopped working I thought it was going to be something very serious/expensive to fix, but it only ended up costing me about $50 which is absolutely incredible. Praise Jesus!

~Matt

ME Diminishing...

This last weekend was one of the hardest of my life, but through it all God taught me a valuable lesson. I had a very busy Valentine's Day and I thought that having a full schedule would help me ignore all the couples, but instead it had the opposite effect. The fact of the matter is that I spent the entire day trying to ignore the people I was envious of, and it just made everything worse. I told myself that I would spend the day with Jesus, but my times with Him weren't very good at all (I lied in my last post). I was allowing myself and my own desires to get in the way of my relationship with God. My focus was on what I wanted and not on what He wants for me. I couldn't help but think about what Valentine's Day could have been if I hadn't made mistakes in the past, and I really beat myself up on Saturday. I was absolutely miserable and I felt worthless, but Jesus and my friends really picked me back up. I talked to one of my best friend's girlfriend, and she reminded me that just because I've made mistakes in my past doesn't mean that I can't still have a wonderful relationship in the future. Then on Sunday my best friend reminded me that I need to rely on Jesus in my hard times because I do not have the strength to do this on my own. I am so thankful for my friends who are willing to remind me that I need to keep my focus on Jesus. The cry of my heart and the passion in my soul is to run blindly into action for the Lord. I've realized this weekend that I still have a lot of junk inside of me that I haven't given to Jesus yet, and it's going to take some time, but I'm finally going give up the rest of my life to the Lord. I will never become the man that God wants me to be unless I give up the rest of myself. The burden that I've allowed myself to carry is keeping me from putting on the full armor of God, and I'm going to need that armor if I want to be a warrior for Jesus.

Thank you to all of my friends who keep me on the narrow path that leads to Jesus. You all mean the world to me.

~Matt

I Have Some Splainin` to Do

Ok, so I feel bad about the bitterness expressed in my previous post. Sorry, Valentine's Day in general is just a very hard day for me, and this year it is especially hard. I have a broken heart, and today has been helpful for the healing process, but it has hurt so badly. There is a weight on my shoulders that I know only Jesus can take off, but it seems like He's only taking a little bit off at a time. I'm really struggling and I feel so alone. I'm thankful for my friend Jim because he is going to come over tonight just to hang out with me. I think he knows how much I need it right now; I haven't actually spent time with anyone in over two weeks. I feel awful that he is spending Valentine's Night with me and not his girlfriend, but selfishly I don't want to be home alone tonight. I know that I'm never alone because Jesus is here, but after so long without intellectual, face-to-face, human interaction, I feel so alone. Jesus and I have had a good day together. I had a stressful class and a hard night at work, but He gave me the strength to endure. Valentine's Day has always been a very hard day for me, and today was no exception. This year I had Jesus by my side though, and that made is bareable.

"Can your heart endure, or can your hands be strong in the days that I will deal with you? I, the LORD, have spoken and will act." ~Ezekiel 22:14

~Matt

Just Another Day...

I do this every year, and anyone who knows me knows that I don't necessarily think that Valentines Day should even be a holiday. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I think Valentines Day is a holiday created by the greeting card companies, chocolate manufacturers, flower shops, and single guys looking for their shot at "love." I think it's wonderful that guys want to do something special for their girlfriends and wives on Valentines Day, but I don't like that we've had to set aside a day to help us remember. If a man is truly pursuing a woman, shouldn't he go out of his way to do little things to make her feel special all the time? The answer is yes guys. It is not a difficult (or expensive) task to write a letter or buy a flower every once in awhile. And when I say write a letter, I mean WRITE a letter. Don't go to the store and buy some cheesy card and sign your name! Oh goodness, Valentine's Day frustrates me. It's just so sad that Google's most common search this past week was "when is Valentine's Day", and that was closely followed by, "Cheap engagement rings." Come on guys! Are we really that dense? I want to write a law that states every man must watch a movie made between 1930 and 1950 every day until they understand what a real man looks like.

I dedicate this post to all of the guys who think Valentine's Day is just another day on the pursuit for their princesses. Keep up the good work gentlemen.

~Matt

Treasure Hunt

"The gospel life is an adventure, plain and simple. It says in the Bible, 'Narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.' The word "Narrow" literally means, 'Compressed, a path of pressure and difficulty.' It's no wonder 'few there be that find it.'"
~Eric Ludy

So, Eric Ludy is pretty much my hero (other than Jesus that is). I have been reading his book "The Bravehearted Gospel", and it has been absolutely life changing. Today I was reading a chapter in which Eric was talking about how God challenges us so that we don't take Him for granted. Ludy compares the quest for God to a quest for buried treasure. He makes the point that even though we all have a treasure map (the Bible) most people choose to not search for the treasure because it's too hard. We first have to have faith that there even is a treasure at the end of the map, and then we need to be willing to take on the pain and suffering, grow a backbone full of courage, and chase after the treasure we believe in.

Right now my backbone is small, but it's there, and it's growing every day. There are growing pains, but as they say in the military, "pain is only weakness leaving the body." Lets get our maps out and go after that treasure.

~Matt

20 Years and Counting

Valentines Day is only a few days away, and this year has been so much different than any other Valentines Day for me. I've never felt lonely around this time of year, but this year has been a struggle. My lack of a social life and the stress from my busy schedule are causing serious anguish inside of me, and I don't understand it. There are so many thoughts going through my head this week, and I can't help but wonder how different life could be. I know that God has me right where He wants me to be right now and I love what He is doing in my life, but even with Him so close; I feel so alone. I have always viewed Valentines Day as an excuse of a holiday created by the greeting card companies to make an extra buck after Christmas, but something seems different this year. Something inside of me longs to have someone to send a Valentine too, but I know that these feelings are misplaced and inappropriate. So, once again, I will spend my twentieth consecutive year as a single man, and I will not be sending any Valentines. Right now I have my Jesus to hold onto, and that is all I need.

~Matt

Going Through the Motions

"The Motions" by Matthew West

"This might hurt, it's not safe/

But I know that I've gotta make a change/

I don't care if I break/

At least I'll be feeling something'/

Cause just okay is not enough/

Help me fight through the nothingness of life/

I don't wanna go through the motions/

I don't wanna go one more day/

without Your all consuming passion inside of me/

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking/

"What if I had given everything/

instead of going through the motions?"/

No regrets, not this time/

I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind/

Let Your love make me whole/

I think I'm finally feeling something/

'Cause just okay is not enough/

Help me fight through the nothingness of this life/

'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions/

I don't wanna go one more day/

without Your all consuming passion inside of me/

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking/

"What if I had given everything/

instead of going through the motions?"/

take me all the way (take me all the way)/

take me all the way ('cause I don't wanna go through the motions)/

take me all the way (I know I'm finally feeling something real)/

take me all the way/

I don't wanna go through the motions/

I don't wanna go one more day/

without Your all consuming passion inside of me/

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking/

"What if I had given everything/

instead of going through the motions?"/

I don't wanna go through the motions/

I don't wanna go one more day/

without Your all consuming passion inside of me/

I don't wanna spend my whole life asking/

"What if I had given everything/

instead of going through the motions?"/

take me all the way (take me all the way)/

take me all the way (I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go)/

take me all the way (through the motions)/

take me all the way/

I don't wanna go through the motions."

I heard this song tonight while I was driving home from work...It's so powerful, and really inspires me to take my relationship with Jesus to the next level.

~Matt

Loneliness, and a Few Prayer Requests

I have a very busy schedule. I'm not going to complain because I got myself into this mess, but I am concerned about my social life. The past couple of weeks I've been so busy that I haven't even realized how much time I've spent alone. My daily routine consists of me getting up at 7am every morning, having my quiet time, going to school, and then I'm home for a couple of hours before work. When I am home I pretty much just do homework in my room. You see the problem? I don't spend any time with anyone, and I am definitly not surrounding myself with other Christians. I have had some great times with the Lord these past few weeks, but sometimes I just need to discuss what I'm learning with someone to help me understand it. I need some sort of spiritual leadership or mentoring, but I don't have a source for that right now. It's very frustrating. Please keep praying for me, here are a few specific areas that I need prayer for:

-I need a consistent church to attend
-I need to find some Christian friends
-Healing in my relationship with my dad.
-Rest

Thank you guys for your prayers...I'm praying for you too.

~Matt

The Template That Took Too Long

I realized today that I made a wise choice when I decided to forego my plans to become a video game programmer. This afternoon it took me the better part of three hours to get this new template to work, and I found out later that I was only missing a semi-colon in my html. Oh well, I guess I just wasn't born to write lines of code/script for the rest of my life. Anyways, I think this new background is here to stay for awhile...

~Matt

New Domain

I have decided to relocate for a few reasons actually. Mainly, I just wanted to be able to use my normal gmail account to sign into blogger, and partly because I didn't like the old URL.

The name of this new blog is "The Narrow Path" because that is what I am currently walking on. In the past, I have strayed off of this narrow path that leads directly towards God for other things, and every time I was had to come crawling back to this path on my knees ashamed of what I had done. My goal here is to honor God with every word that I write (even when I'm frustrated/confused/bitter/etc.), and to provide you some insight into my life. I can't guarantee any sort of theme on my blog because I like to post in more of a "round robin" fashion. I'll pull topics out of nowhere...I promise.

~Matt