Singleness Has Been a Great Gift In My Life

Ok, so are you all ready for my take on Valentines Day?  Well, too bad, you're going to have to wait because my tradition states that I cannot post my view(s) on Valentines Day until the fourteenth.  However, I found a loop-hole in my system, and instead of talking about V-day, I'm going to talk about the wonderful gift of singleness *collective groan*...Oh cmon guys & gals, this won't be too bad.

I know this is a touchy topic for a lot of you.  So, my purpose here is not to tell anyone what they should do, but rather, to tell you how singleness has been a very beneficial tool for me throughout my life.  I think sharing a little bit of my story may help some of you understand my perspective on dating & relationships.

I'd like to begin in March of 2008.

During the Spring semester of my freshman year of college, I fell for a girl.  Up to this point in my life, I had never been in a relationship with anyone, and I had no idea what I was doing.  I had remained single all through high school because I didn't think there was a point.  After all, how many high school relationships actually last?  Besides, I was super ambitious and didn't feel like tying myself to someone at such a young age.  At any rate, this girl and I began a relationship.  I can't really call it dating because we never went out anywhere, but we did spend almost every waking moment together.  We liked it that way.  As the relationship progressed, I noticed a serious lapse in my judgment and spiritual life.  She noticed it too, but was too nice to ever tell me.  Her and I made a ton of mistakes along the way, and she finally broke up with me on my 20th birthday.  I have a ton of respect for her for having the strength to call off our relationship.  She is the only girl I can say I ever loved, and I believe that she loved me for a short time too.  It was not easy for me, but life goes on. 

Fast-forward to now.

I've been single for a little over two years now, and I'm a much better person because of it.  Sure I've had my moments of loneliness, and sure I've attempted to pursue a few girls along the way (I'm pretty tactless).  But what I've learned these past two years is that singleness truly is a gift from the Lord.  Not because girls are evil or anything like that, but because being single opens up so many opportunities that people who are involved in relationships miss out on. Before I get too far, let me say that I believe Bible is the infallible word of God. So by default, I believe that "A man who finds a wife finds a good thing" (Proverbs 18:22).  On the flip-side, I think Paul was on the right track when he told the church at Corinth that he wished they could be as he was, single (I Cor. 7:7).  A single man/woman has a far easier time doing ministry because they are void of distraction.  I have experienced this in my life.  The distraction of a relationship was not something I was personally ready for, and it was something that God was not finished preparing me for. 

Singleness in my life has been a time for me to refocus my perspective.  Instead of asking God if a certain girl is right for me, I ask Him if I'm the man He has prepared for her.  I have shifted my focus from what I want to what God has for me.  I'm not perfect, and I still have a lot of desires, but I'm not nearly as irrational as I used to be, and I allow God to be my filter for those desires now.  Being single has been so beneficial for redirecting my focus back onto heavenly things. I have had so much extra time to spend with my brothers at the church, and I have found that I don't really care about whether or not I'm in a relationship anymore.  Sure, it'd be nice to find the amazing woman that I'm going to eventually marry, but I'm done trying to rush/force it.  Being a single man has had its benefits, and right now, it's going to take a pretty amazing woman to pull me away.


-Matt

As an end note, I really want to thank you, Melanie; for having the strength to stand up for yourself and tell me no.  I know that was hard for you.  I know you never read this, and have severed all remaining connection between us, but I am a better man because of you.  If you ever read this, know that I am praying for you and your husband.  I have a ton of respect for you both.