Late night blogging is never a good idea; however, I have neglected my readers for almost five days now, and let's be honest, my last post sucked. It was uninteresting and self-indulgent...I apologize.
Tonight I'm in thinking mode. If you don't know me very well; first of all, don't worry because not many people do, and secondly, you need to know that when I start thinking I become a vicious, self-loathing, monster - See!? I've already begun...Dear Lord, this could get ugly. *Warning* I have no idea what I'm going to say, but I am going to say it...
The first thing that I've been thinking about tonight is how much time I waste or have wasted on helping my friends out with things. I have given them all rides when they need them, paid for meals when they couldn't, and anyone who has really taken the time to get to know me knows that I am always willing to listen when they need to vent or just talk about something (by the way, I never share other people's secrets). I know I shouldn't expect anything in return, and honestly, until today, I hadn't even thought about this, but I have seen little to no return on my "investment" into my friends. I love them all, and I'll keep doing things for them anyways, but I gotta admit, I was pretty disappointed to find out that most of my friends really don't give a crap about me (the few of you who know this doesn't apply too you - Thanks). I understand that I'm an opinionated guy, but very rarely do I ignore my friend's point of views. I've heard that people think I'm arrogant/conceited - maybe try to get to know me sometime. I've also come to the realization that people think I'm an A-hole (please excuse my usage of a harsh letter), and nothing more than a sarcastic jerk. Well, I don't deny that I'm a little sarcastic, but I also don't deny that I have a difficult time being genuine with people because I'm so often socially rejected. At least the sarcasm and joking has gotten me a few laughs here and there. Again, prove to me that I can trust you, and I might actually be willing to tell you things about me. I'd rather do that instead of using my lousy cold-reading skills and pointed questioning techniques to figure out who you are so that I can effectively mess with you. Anyways, it saddens me that I invest so much time and effort into my friends; yet, when I need a little assistance, it's like pulling teeth to get some help from my friends.
Okay, deep breath - next item...
I blogged a couple weeks ago about a dream I had (bet you thought I forgot, huh?). I wrote the dream down, and I have been converting it into a short story. At first, I didn't understand the dream, but as I've been writing it into story form, I've begun to realize that it's just a metaphorical picture of my life. Parts of the story have been very difficult for me to write, and the closer I come to the end...the scarier the story gets. The thing that happened at the end of my dream scared the crap out of me, and I don't know what to think about it -- Sorry, I'm doing the Matt Roop super vague routine again. I'll stop now and just post the story when I'm finished. I'm just a bit flustered by what happens, and I don't think it fits...
This is not the last thing on my mind, but it is the last thing I'm going to blog about tonight. I do not like to talk about my relationship status, but it is something I've been thinking about a lot tonight. *News Flash!* -- Matt Roop is still single!...haha, shocker, I know. Being single doesn't bother me; in fact, I've rather enjoyed my time as a single man (2 years, 3 months, 7 days, and about 5 hours - I haven't been counting). The thing is, I'm twenty-two years old and I'm beginning to get a little bit lonely. I'm willing to wait as long as I have to for the right girl, but I gotta say, I sure hope it's soon. I'm far from desperate at this point, but I'm also not as close to patient as I used to be.
I hope this you found this post to be ummmm...informative and not boring (however unlikely that may be). This was more of an experiment for me than anything...I'm hoping that projecting my thoughts into a blog post will help with my insomnia; however, since it is just after 3am, I think I lost the battle tonight.
-Matt
Oh my, Matt. I see why you and Doran are friends. ;-)
ReplyDeleteIt's good to see that you are writing down your experiences and emotions but don't worry too much. Sometimes I have the same feelings. I'd be willing to bet that much of the population experiences it as well. How many people have I given selflessly to? Where are they when I need them? I have asked that so many times thru the years. I won't bore you with the answers God has put in my heart but I will say that when I ask Him to give me His thoughts or opinion on a matter...He does. Just ask HIM. Maybe He went thru something similar....:)It's actually very comforting to hear Him answer (ever so quietly).