You know those moments in life when someone says or does something that makes you feel uncomfortable, and in your mind all you can think is, "Awkward!"...Well, when those moments happen, I'm usually the last to realize it. In fact, I'm beginning to recognize that I am an instigator of awkwardness. You know that guy who says something, whether it be kind or condescending, and then stands there expectantly for your response but doesn't seem too sure of himself?....yeeeaaah, I'm that guy...haha.
I have the tendency to be awkward around people, but the real reason I decided to write this post is because I've realized I fit the mold of an awkward Face-booker. Yes, I am guilty of "liking" posts that raise eyebrows. I have written more vague status comments than I can count, and I am pretty sure about 85% of them have been misconstrued in some form or fashion. I write status updates that nobody cares to read(consistently), and I've written a gambit of unintentionally awkward messages.
So then, why do I write this post?
Because admitting you have a problem is the first step right?...haha, just kidding. No, the reason I wrote this post is because I think people make too big of a deal out of little things like facebook comments. For instance, I know I don't sit and analyze the deeper meaning behind what people comment on my status, because they're freaking facebook comments...I mean, seriously, have we sunk to the point where commenting on someone's Facebook status is considered meaningful conversation? I sure hope not! I think a lot of good things can be said on Facebook, but they'll never have the impact or power that spoken words have. Heck, even a text message is more personal than commenting on somebody's status. I guess if "awkward" within the realm of Facebook is defined as someone who says what they're thinking without putting a people-pleasing spin on it, then I'm awkward. I don't care enough to re-read everything I say on Facebook. I just say what I'm thinking and try to stay away from topics I don't know much about. If I tell you "I'm praying for you," or "I hope you have a great day," I really mean those things.
I am an awkward Face-booker, and I'm okay with that fact.
-Matt
Monday, June 13, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Why Do I Play Golf?
For those of you who haven't heard, I moved into a new apartment this past weekend. The new place is great, my roommate is a cool guy, and I feel that I am going to really enjoy living there. A couple of perks it has to offer are a nice community, a good gym, and a golf course. But the last item has been my favorite thing by far, and I have used the course almost every day since I moved.
Throughout the past seven or eight years of my life I have become partially obsessed with the game of golf, and for a casual player, I think I'm pretty good. I'm not anywhere near as good as even the worst professionals, and I don't ever expect to be, but I consistently break 90 and flirt with the 70's from time-to-time. I was playing on Sunday afternoon (not as well as I'd have liked) and I started thinking to myself, "Why do I play this game, and how in the world did I get started?" I realized then that my love for the game of golf began when I was 8 years old.
I remember the first day I watched golf...and it just so happened to be one of the most memorable days in golf history. It was the Spring of 2007, a Saturday afternoon, and I was at my best friend's house playing a game we invented called "knee hockey". On every television in the house, there was a golf tournament going on, and as much as I tried not to care, it's really hard to not watch when your best friend's dad keeps yelling, "Damn! this kid is good!" So, we watched a hole to see what was going on. . .
"The kid," was Tiger Woods, and the tournament was the 1997 Masters. Tiger had just driven the ball down the middle of the 2nd fairway and we picked up the action as he hit an incredible shot onto the green to set up an easy birdie. From that moment on, I couldn't stop watching. I was hooked. Tiger went on to win the Masters that year, and beat everyone else by 12 strokes (A Masters Record). I continued to watch every tournament I could that involved Tiger Woods. For some reason, even today, the PGA Tour just doesn't seem interesting to me when Tiger isn't playing. I think this article by Bill Simmons of ESPN describes my Tiger Woods fan condition pretty well.
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/110411
I'm not going to get into arguing about Tiger's character off the golf course...I'm just not.
Tiger jump-started my proverbial golf battery, but I didn't actually get a chance to play the game until I moved to Arkansas. I cited in a post, a few weeks back, an argument I had with my best friend, Jim, about who the greatest golfer ever was. Little did I know that Jim would eventually be the outlet to plug me into the game of golf. A few months after I moved to Arkansas, in 2002, Jim got me to join the First Tee Golf Club in Little Rock. It is a great course, and I got to take free lessons. So, since I was homeschooled, I ended up going to as many classes as I possibly could. As my game progressed - very slowly at times - I began to realize why I enjoyed this sport as much as, or even more than the other sports I played.
Golf is a constant battle against an opponent, there are no time-outs, there are no halftimes, and everything that goes through your mind either works for or against you. The battle has nothing to do with the course because the battle is fought completely against yourself. Sure, it takes skill and a lot of practice to understand how to manage a course and make good shots. However, good shots don't happen unless you're completely focused on making good shots. My favorite part of playing golf is knowing that no matter how much I play, I'll never manage to be perfect. I wont always hit good shots, in fact, I hit a lot of bad shots, but I keep playing. I keep playing because being humbled by a bad shot provides me with the opportunity to remain joyful in spite of my circumstance. In that moment, all I can try to do is attempt to recover by forgetting the bad shot and focusing on how good the next one is going to be. Being joyful is something I am not good at. I generally don't get very excited about things. Golf helps me stay focused on being positive. It's the only sport I've ever played that I don't feel pressured to be really good at, and it has become a source of relief instead of a source of stress for me. It's my time to get outside to experience and enjoy God's creation, it trains me to have a better attitude, and it's insanely challenging (I love a good challenge). These are the reasons why I play golf...
-Matt
Throughout the past seven or eight years of my life I have become partially obsessed with the game of golf, and for a casual player, I think I'm pretty good. I'm not anywhere near as good as even the worst professionals, and I don't ever expect to be, but I consistently break 90 and flirt with the 70's from time-to-time. I was playing on Sunday afternoon (not as well as I'd have liked) and I started thinking to myself, "Why do I play this game, and how in the world did I get started?" I realized then that my love for the game of golf began when I was 8 years old.
I remember the first day I watched golf...and it just so happened to be one of the most memorable days in golf history. It was the Spring of 2007, a Saturday afternoon, and I was at my best friend's house playing a game we invented called "knee hockey". On every television in the house, there was a golf tournament going on, and as much as I tried not to care, it's really hard to not watch when your best friend's dad keeps yelling, "Damn! this kid is good!" So, we watched a hole to see what was going on. . .
"The kid," was Tiger Woods, and the tournament was the 1997 Masters. Tiger had just driven the ball down the middle of the 2nd fairway and we picked up the action as he hit an incredible shot onto the green to set up an easy birdie. From that moment on, I couldn't stop watching. I was hooked. Tiger went on to win the Masters that year, and beat everyone else by 12 strokes (A Masters Record). I continued to watch every tournament I could that involved Tiger Woods. For some reason, even today, the PGA Tour just doesn't seem interesting to me when Tiger isn't playing. I think this article by Bill Simmons of ESPN describes my Tiger Woods fan condition pretty well.
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/110411
I'm not going to get into arguing about Tiger's character off the golf course...I'm just not.
Tiger jump-started my proverbial golf battery, but I didn't actually get a chance to play the game until I moved to Arkansas. I cited in a post, a few weeks back, an argument I had with my best friend, Jim, about who the greatest golfer ever was. Little did I know that Jim would eventually be the outlet to plug me into the game of golf. A few months after I moved to Arkansas, in 2002, Jim got me to join the First Tee Golf Club in Little Rock. It is a great course, and I got to take free lessons. So, since I was homeschooled, I ended up going to as many classes as I possibly could. As my game progressed - very slowly at times - I began to realize why I enjoyed this sport as much as, or even more than the other sports I played.
Golf is a constant battle against an opponent, there are no time-outs, there are no halftimes, and everything that goes through your mind either works for or against you. The battle has nothing to do with the course because the battle is fought completely against yourself. Sure, it takes skill and a lot of practice to understand how to manage a course and make good shots. However, good shots don't happen unless you're completely focused on making good shots. My favorite part of playing golf is knowing that no matter how much I play, I'll never manage to be perfect. I wont always hit good shots, in fact, I hit a lot of bad shots, but I keep playing. I keep playing because being humbled by a bad shot provides me with the opportunity to remain joyful in spite of my circumstance. In that moment, all I can try to do is attempt to recover by forgetting the bad shot and focusing on how good the next one is going to be. Being joyful is something I am not good at. I generally don't get very excited about things. Golf helps me stay focused on being positive. It's the only sport I've ever played that I don't feel pressured to be really good at, and it has become a source of relief instead of a source of stress for me. It's my time to get outside to experience and enjoy God's creation, it trains me to have a better attitude, and it's insanely challenging (I love a good challenge). These are the reasons why I play golf...
-Matt
Monday, March 21, 2011
A Few Thoughts on an Interview with Rob Bell
Rob Bell, a very popular pastor/book-writer/theologian, recently published a book entitled, Love Wins: A book about Heaven, Hell, and the fate of every person. I have not read this book. However, I intend too...If anyone has a copy, may I borrow it so I don't have to spend the money?
I have no shame in going on the record and saying I believe Rob Bell takes away from the gospel by watering it down and presenting it in a pluralistic fashion. In a recent interview, Rob Bell got asked some questions that I feel a "theologian", especially one who is responsible for as many people as he is, should be able to answer fairly easily (or at least attempt to answer). But he struggled to find a good answer, and avoided the questions throughout. Let me know what you think:
I'd really appreciate some feedback on this one. Honestly, I blatantly disagree with what I've heard him say, but I'd like to hear from others who either agree or disagree as well. Specifically on the question, "Is God all-powerful, but does not care for His people, or is it that He cares, but is not all-powerful?" I'll tell you right now that I think the answer is, "Neither."
Thanks,
-Matt
I have no shame in going on the record and saying I believe Rob Bell takes away from the gospel by watering it down and presenting it in a pluralistic fashion. In a recent interview, Rob Bell got asked some questions that I feel a "theologian", especially one who is responsible for as many people as he is, should be able to answer fairly easily (or at least attempt to answer). But he struggled to find a good answer, and avoided the questions throughout. Let me know what you think:
I'd really appreciate some feedback on this one. Honestly, I blatantly disagree with what I've heard him say, but I'd like to hear from others who either agree or disagree as well. Specifically on the question, "Is God all-powerful, but does not care for His people, or is it that He cares, but is not all-powerful?" I'll tell you right now that I think the answer is, "Neither."
Thanks,
-Matt
Summation of a Week
Hey guys, sorry I haven't posted in awhile, life has kept me very busy. This has been a very good couple of weeks for me. I've been learning a lot about myself and my relationship with God, and I've been learning so much more about His nature and character. I found out this past week that I am in fact the valedictorian of my college class. Also, I think I may finally be getting an apartment soon.
As we go through life we are constantly changing and being molded. Sometimes we don't even recognize that changes are taking place. Lately, I have been examining myself and I realized I allowed some circumstances in my life to change who I am. Like a soft ball of clay, I placed myself into the hands of my surroundings, and I submitted to the will of my wicked and bitter heart. I came to the conclusion that by letting my past define who I am, I'm just denying myself the possibility of the future God has for me. So, from now on, I'm living in the present with an optimistic outlook on the future.
So, I found out this week that I am officially the Valedictorian of my college class. This didn't come as a great surprise to me because I worked in the academics office at the school and knew my GPA was the highest in my class. However, while I am proud of this achievement, I feel the need to say I feel a little bit dirty for being Valedictorian with a GPA less than 3.9 (or 4.0 for that matter). I worked very hard my last two years of school, and during that time I think I was the kind of student a Valedictorian should be. However, during my freshman and sophomore years of school, I was lazy. I still made good grades, but I didn't apply myself at all. I wish now that I had put forth some effort and used the mind God has given me, but as I said above, I'm not dwelling on the past. I am honored to be Ecclesia College's 2011 Valedictorian, and I am thankful for all of my classmates who will be graduating alongside me. I cannot thank my professors enough for instilling in me the desire to be a life-long learner, and for challenging me above and beyond the normal expectations of the classroom.
The last thing I wanted to say is that I think I may be moving soon...finally. I'm praying that it'll happen and trusting God with the result.
-Matt
As we go through life we are constantly changing and being molded. Sometimes we don't even recognize that changes are taking place. Lately, I have been examining myself and I realized I allowed some circumstances in my life to change who I am. Like a soft ball of clay, I placed myself into the hands of my surroundings, and I submitted to the will of my wicked and bitter heart. I came to the conclusion that by letting my past define who I am, I'm just denying myself the possibility of the future God has for me. So, from now on, I'm living in the present with an optimistic outlook on the future.
So, I found out this week that I am officially the Valedictorian of my college class. This didn't come as a great surprise to me because I worked in the academics office at the school and knew my GPA was the highest in my class. However, while I am proud of this achievement, I feel the need to say I feel a little bit dirty for being Valedictorian with a GPA less than 3.9 (or 4.0 for that matter). I worked very hard my last two years of school, and during that time I think I was the kind of student a Valedictorian should be. However, during my freshman and sophomore years of school, I was lazy. I still made good grades, but I didn't apply myself at all. I wish now that I had put forth some effort and used the mind God has given me, but as I said above, I'm not dwelling on the past. I am honored to be Ecclesia College's 2011 Valedictorian, and I am thankful for all of my classmates who will be graduating alongside me. I cannot thank my professors enough for instilling in me the desire to be a life-long learner, and for challenging me above and beyond the normal expectations of the classroom.
The last thing I wanted to say is that I think I may be moving soon...finally. I'm praying that it'll happen and trusting God with the result.
-Matt
Monday, March 7, 2011
Happy Monday!
There's not really much of a point to this post except to say I hope all of you have a wonderful Monday. I urge you all to consider what God would have you do today before jumping into your routine. Get in the Word, let the joy of the Lord be your strength, and let's make a difference today by having a countenance that is warm and welcoming. Be the reflection of Christ wherever you are...
Love you guys!
-Matt
Love you guys!
-Matt
Friday, March 4, 2011
Community
Something that has been weighing heavy on my heart lately is the concept of community. No, not that wonderful television show about Community College Study Groups. I'm talking about real fellowship with believers of Christ. How often do you spend time with your Christian brothers & sisters worshiping, praying, or discussing God's word? How often do we set aside our hang out time to get serious and talk about what God is doing in our lives? When nonbelievers look at us, what are they seeing?
Last Sunday, I went to church at The Grove Church in Fayetteville, Arkansas. If you are currently without a church, and you're looking for a place full of believers who are sold out for God. The Grove is for you. After a really good set of worship, the pastor got up and started teaching. He had been teaching out of Nehemiah and finished Chapter Six the week before. At the end of Chapter Six, Nehemiah and his people finished building their wall. The massive project was completed in 52 days, and the people were relieved to have it finished. It is absolutely incredible how God used Nehemiah to unite a group of people to complete such an enormous task, but I think the more important part is what happened next.
In Chapter seven, we read that Nehemiah gathered all of the people together and brought them inside the city walls. The beginning of chapter eight says that Nehemiah had Ezra read the law to the people who gathered together every morning from sun-up to midday to listen. When he began reading, the people were overwhelmed and began to worship the Lord together because it had been so long since they had heard God's word spoken to them. Nehemiah understood the importance of the people's spiritual needs, and placed them above other daily activities. This passage of scripture is a great example of how people are greater than projects, and is a great reminder of how important it is for us to be in community with fellow believers so that we can experience the joy of others as they receive great and new revelations from God. In this case, just the simplicity of reading God's words to His people was enough to reduce the crowds to tears of joy as they worshiped God together.
In the end, Nehemiah says, "Do not mourn or weep - for all the people were weeping when they heard the words of the law - Go eat of the fat, drink of the sweet, and send portions to him who has nothing prepared" (Neh. 8:9-10). They threw a party! Spirituality and studying the word don't have to only be somber and serious things; in fact, quite the opposite. Nehemiah knew this and exhibited a wonderful model of how we can have seriousness in a time of celebration. We should be celebrating with each other over the great things God is doing in our lives. However, in order to have celebration, we need to have community & fellowship with each other first.
Something to think about:
When you go to church, are you just alone in a large group? Your immediate answer will most likely be no, but are you really being honest with yourself? Even if you ride to church with someone else, or sit with a group of your best friends, are you there by yourself? Do you feel like you're connected? Or are you trying to walk out your spiritual life on your own? The fact of the matter is we cannot do this on our own. We need to have people in our lives. . .We need community. We need to get serious about our faith and about God's word, and we need to start sharing our lives with one another so we can, in turn, share our lives with the world. The world is in need of hope, life, light, peace, and joy. We can be those things to the world, but we need to be united with each other first.
-Matt
Last Sunday, I went to church at The Grove Church in Fayetteville, Arkansas. If you are currently without a church, and you're looking for a place full of believers who are sold out for God. The Grove is for you. After a really good set of worship, the pastor got up and started teaching. He had been teaching out of Nehemiah and finished Chapter Six the week before. At the end of Chapter Six, Nehemiah and his people finished building their wall. The massive project was completed in 52 days, and the people were relieved to have it finished. It is absolutely incredible how God used Nehemiah to unite a group of people to complete such an enormous task, but I think the more important part is what happened next.
In Chapter seven, we read that Nehemiah gathered all of the people together and brought them inside the city walls. The beginning of chapter eight says that Nehemiah had Ezra read the law to the people who gathered together every morning from sun-up to midday to listen. When he began reading, the people were overwhelmed and began to worship the Lord together because it had been so long since they had heard God's word spoken to them. Nehemiah understood the importance of the people's spiritual needs, and placed them above other daily activities. This passage of scripture is a great example of how people are greater than projects, and is a great reminder of how important it is for us to be in community with fellow believers so that we can experience the joy of others as they receive great and new revelations from God. In this case, just the simplicity of reading God's words to His people was enough to reduce the crowds to tears of joy as they worshiped God together.
In the end, Nehemiah says, "Do not mourn or weep - for all the people were weeping when they heard the words of the law - Go eat of the fat, drink of the sweet, and send portions to him who has nothing prepared" (Neh. 8:9-10). They threw a party! Spirituality and studying the word don't have to only be somber and serious things; in fact, quite the opposite. Nehemiah knew this and exhibited a wonderful model of how we can have seriousness in a time of celebration. We should be celebrating with each other over the great things God is doing in our lives. However, in order to have celebration, we need to have community & fellowship with each other first.
Something to think about:
When you go to church, are you just alone in a large group? Your immediate answer will most likely be no, but are you really being honest with yourself? Even if you ride to church with someone else, or sit with a group of your best friends, are you there by yourself? Do you feel like you're connected? Or are you trying to walk out your spiritual life on your own? The fact of the matter is we cannot do this on our own. We need to have people in our lives. . .We need community. We need to get serious about our faith and about God's word, and we need to start sharing our lives with one another so we can, in turn, share our lives with the world. The world is in need of hope, life, light, peace, and joy. We can be those things to the world, but we need to be united with each other first.
-Matt
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Future Direction?
Tonight is just one of those nights where I feel the need to write just so that I can see my thoughts in a tangible form. I've been struggling here lately to really be honest with myself about where I see myself in five years, and not knowing really frustrates me. My biggest pet peeve (<---hate that cliche) is not knowing how things are going to turn out. I still enjoy a good suspense film, and I love books that keep me guessing, but when it comes to real life; I always have this feeling that I need to know what is going to happen.
Obviously, I am not capable of predicting the future. If I was, I'd be a billionaire, and I would not be writing a blog. So, I run into the obvious problem of worrying way too much about the outcome of unpredictable events. Also, I have a nearly impossible time making important life decisions. For example:
I graduated college in December and I have a great job that I really enjoy. It has a lot of potential to just keep getting better if I keep working hard, and I am super blessed to be in the position that I am in currently. On the flip side, I've always dreamed of going to graduate school to get a masters degree. I want to be able to work and go to school at the same time, but I know myself, and I know that in order for me to do well at both I'd have to basically kill myself and give up anything I have that resembles a social life. Essentially, the steps I would take to be an excellent student and a great representative for my boss would make me lousy at both.
So, the situation is as such...Do I commit to working in the insurance industry for the next 5, 10, 15 years and possibly do very well in a lucrative career? Or, do I apply for graduate school and see where it takes me? Can I do both even though I don't have the confidence in myself? Also, what's God's plan for me in all of this, and how will I know?
I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty confused about all of this right now, and it's really stressing me out...
-Matt
Obviously, I am not capable of predicting the future. If I was, I'd be a billionaire, and I would not be writing a blog. So, I run into the obvious problem of worrying way too much about the outcome of unpredictable events. Also, I have a nearly impossible time making important life decisions. For example:
I graduated college in December and I have a great job that I really enjoy. It has a lot of potential to just keep getting better if I keep working hard, and I am super blessed to be in the position that I am in currently. On the flip side, I've always dreamed of going to graduate school to get a masters degree. I want to be able to work and go to school at the same time, but I know myself, and I know that in order for me to do well at both I'd have to basically kill myself and give up anything I have that resembles a social life. Essentially, the steps I would take to be an excellent student and a great representative for my boss would make me lousy at both.
So, the situation is as such...Do I commit to working in the insurance industry for the next 5, 10, 15 years and possibly do very well in a lucrative career? Or, do I apply for graduate school and see where it takes me? Can I do both even though I don't have the confidence in myself? Also, what's God's plan for me in all of this, and how will I know?
I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty confused about all of this right now, and it's really stressing me out...
-Matt
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Something Most Single Woman Don't Understand (pt. 2)
The other night I posted part one of my attempt to inform the single female population of how difficult it is for men to ask them out on a date. I received quite a bit of feedback from you guys, both positive and negative. In spite of the feedback, I have decided to continue on with my plan to write this in two parts. However, before I continue, I feel like I should remind you all that this post is not intended to belittle the female perspective, and its only intent is to shed some light on what myself and other men have to go through on a daily basis.
In part one, I addressed five simple things that single women could do to help single guys out. When I wrote them, I kind of had this idea in the back of my mind that my tips were actually basic principles of common courtesy...turns out I was wrong. In fact, I got quite a bit of negative feedback for tips #2 & #3.
Tip #2 said, "2. DO NOT LIE TO MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER...this will only get his hopes up, and then you'll have to go through this again."
The argument proposed to me was that lying is sometimes a necessary evil, and useful for telling guys no. I was told, girls lie to me so my feelings won't be crushed, and I was told girls would rather lie than be honest in the event of an undesirable man asking them out. Well, ladies, I understand why this may seem like the better/easier way out of a bummer situation, but I don't think lying is the best answer. To shed some light on the male perspective, when you lie to me and make me feel okay about you shooting me down, or if you don't give me a straight answer. I am going to be inclined to try even harder to win your affections. Which means that you'll have to be honest with me eventually. The need to rise up to a challenge is wired into the framework of every man. Be honest, and leave no room for the guy you don't like to think he has a chance. Your words may hurt him in the moment, but I promise you that being honest from the start will do far less damage than letting him get his hopes up.
Tip #3 said, "3. If you're not sure, don't say no right away. Think about it for a day or two and then give an answer. Or, say yes and realize that you don't have anything to lose. You get a free evening with someone who wants to treat you well, and the worst that can happen is you get to know the guy better."
The reaction to this tip seemed to be split down the middle. Many girls accused me of not being understanding of their need for security. I think that is a very fair argument, however I do understand your need to feel secure, and I am happy to hear my sisters in Christ are being wise about choosing whom they spend their time with. Other girls stated that pity dates are a waste of time. I feel like my point was missed. I realize that I did a poor job of forming and expressing my point, but what I was trying to say was I feel like girls write guys off far too quickly a lot of the time. I believe guys deserve a little more consideration, that's all...just a little bit of a chance. Whether that looks like a date, or just a few questions (like an interview), I think we deserve a chance. After all, we're giving you girls a chance.
All that being said, I think tonight I am going to focus on sharing a few things that guys have to deal with mentally before they approach the girl they've fallen for.
1. One of the most difficult things for men to deal with is realizing they are falling for a girl. Not because we don't want it to happen, but because the realization of attraction generates a set of steps that a man must take. These steps require a lot of commitment (assuming that this guy has any morals), and for most, they are not easy steps to take. Something to keep in mind, ladies, is that not all men are capable of just walking up to you and asking you out because they think you're pretty. Many decent gentlemen consider your wants, needs, and feelings before approaching you. I know before I ever approach a woman to ask her if she'll allow me to pursue her, I prayerfully consider whether or not she is a solid candidate. I do my homework, find out if she's a Christian, and try to figure out from conversation if I'm even the right kind of guy for her. Falling for a girl can be an exhilarating and nerve racking experience.
2. Another thing that goes through a man's mind before asking a girl out is a debate with himself over whether or not he thinks he's good enough for this girl. Now, this may seem like a very selfish thing to consider, but the truth is we're all human, and every one of us has flaws. Men like to rank things, put them in brackets, and test them against each other. Consequently, we end up ranking ourselves, and many times we'll think that a girl is out of our league. The further away we consider her to be, the harder it is for us to approach her...even if we know she wants us too. You can contribute it to self-consciousness, but I think every man goes through this at some point. The skewed perception of putting things into a man-created reality of a "dating league" puts a huge damper on our ability to put ourselves out there.
3. Lastly, it's very easy to get the idea that the girl we like just doesn't want to be pursued. It seems like a silly thing to say, but the truth is, it is not an easy thing to figure out. I figure at some point all woman want to be pursued and shown love. But some men get rejected so frequently and/or consistently that they start to tell themselves that the girl they like probably doesn't even want to be pursued. Our pride is our most obvious flaw, and our most frustrating weakness. We'd much rather keep our pride in tact than continue to put ourselves out there to be rejected. I'm not saying this to make the ladies feel bad for us, but since my purpose is to help shed some light on dating from a male perspective; I think this is something that is true for a lot of men, and something to keep in mind.
There are about a thousand more things I could write about, because girls, when we like you...you're all we think about - an unfortunate disease of the mind if you ask me - but I think I'm going to stop here since Part Two is getting really long. I don't know if I'm going to write a third part, but it's a definite possibility.
Please feel free to leave as many comments as you'd like here or on my Facebook page. Add any content you'd like, and ask as many questions as you want...I'll try to respond in a timely fashion. You all know how much I love to defend my opinions...
-Matt
In part one, I addressed five simple things that single women could do to help single guys out. When I wrote them, I kind of had this idea in the back of my mind that my tips were actually basic principles of common courtesy...turns out I was wrong. In fact, I got quite a bit of negative feedback for tips #2 & #3.
Tip #2 said, "2. DO NOT LIE TO MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER...this will only get his hopes up, and then you'll have to go through this again."
The argument proposed to me was that lying is sometimes a necessary evil, and useful for telling guys no. I was told, girls lie to me so my feelings won't be crushed, and I was told girls would rather lie than be honest in the event of an undesirable man asking them out. Well, ladies, I understand why this may seem like the better/easier way out of a bummer situation, but I don't think lying is the best answer. To shed some light on the male perspective, when you lie to me and make me feel okay about you shooting me down, or if you don't give me a straight answer. I am going to be inclined to try even harder to win your affections. Which means that you'll have to be honest with me eventually. The need to rise up to a challenge is wired into the framework of every man. Be honest, and leave no room for the guy you don't like to think he has a chance. Your words may hurt him in the moment, but I promise you that being honest from the start will do far less damage than letting him get his hopes up.
Tip #3 said, "3. If you're not sure, don't say no right away. Think about it for a day or two and then give an answer. Or, say yes and realize that you don't have anything to lose. You get a free evening with someone who wants to treat you well, and the worst that can happen is you get to know the guy better."
The reaction to this tip seemed to be split down the middle. Many girls accused me of not being understanding of their need for security. I think that is a very fair argument, however I do understand your need to feel secure, and I am happy to hear my sisters in Christ are being wise about choosing whom they spend their time with. Other girls stated that pity dates are a waste of time. I feel like my point was missed. I realize that I did a poor job of forming and expressing my point, but what I was trying to say was I feel like girls write guys off far too quickly a lot of the time. I believe guys deserve a little more consideration, that's all...just a little bit of a chance. Whether that looks like a date, or just a few questions (like an interview), I think we deserve a chance. After all, we're giving you girls a chance.
All that being said, I think tonight I am going to focus on sharing a few things that guys have to deal with mentally before they approach the girl they've fallen for.
1. One of the most difficult things for men to deal with is realizing they are falling for a girl. Not because we don't want it to happen, but because the realization of attraction generates a set of steps that a man must take. These steps require a lot of commitment (assuming that this guy has any morals), and for most, they are not easy steps to take. Something to keep in mind, ladies, is that not all men are capable of just walking up to you and asking you out because they think you're pretty. Many decent gentlemen consider your wants, needs, and feelings before approaching you. I know before I ever approach a woman to ask her if she'll allow me to pursue her, I prayerfully consider whether or not she is a solid candidate. I do my homework, find out if she's a Christian, and try to figure out from conversation if I'm even the right kind of guy for her. Falling for a girl can be an exhilarating and nerve racking experience.
2. Another thing that goes through a man's mind before asking a girl out is a debate with himself over whether or not he thinks he's good enough for this girl. Now, this may seem like a very selfish thing to consider, but the truth is we're all human, and every one of us has flaws. Men like to rank things, put them in brackets, and test them against each other. Consequently, we end up ranking ourselves, and many times we'll think that a girl is out of our league. The further away we consider her to be, the harder it is for us to approach her...even if we know she wants us too. You can contribute it to self-consciousness, but I think every man goes through this at some point. The skewed perception of putting things into a man-created reality of a "dating league" puts a huge damper on our ability to put ourselves out there.
3. Lastly, it's very easy to get the idea that the girl we like just doesn't want to be pursued. It seems like a silly thing to say, but the truth is, it is not an easy thing to figure out. I figure at some point all woman want to be pursued and shown love. But some men get rejected so frequently and/or consistently that they start to tell themselves that the girl they like probably doesn't even want to be pursued. Our pride is our most obvious flaw, and our most frustrating weakness. We'd much rather keep our pride in tact than continue to put ourselves out there to be rejected. I'm not saying this to make the ladies feel bad for us, but since my purpose is to help shed some light on dating from a male perspective; I think this is something that is true for a lot of men, and something to keep in mind.
There are about a thousand more things I could write about, because girls, when we like you...you're all we think about - an unfortunate disease of the mind if you ask me - but I think I'm going to stop here since Part Two is getting really long. I don't know if I'm going to write a third part, but it's a definite possibility.
Please feel free to leave as many comments as you'd like here or on my Facebook page. Add any content you'd like, and ask as many questions as you want...I'll try to respond in a timely fashion. You all know how much I love to defend my opinions...
-Matt
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Something Most Single Woman Don't Understand (pt. 1)
There is one feeling that a single woman will never be able to understand, and for most single men, it's the feeling we wish they'd understand the most - That feeling a man gets when he likes a girl and is about to ask her out on a date. One of the most daunting moments in a man's life is asking the girl he likes if she would agree to spend a little more time with him in an attempt to get to know each other better. These exclusive conversations are also known as dates, and for some of us, they are one of the most difficult things on earth to acquire.
I think single women need to understand that it actually takes quite a bit of courage to ask them out on dates, and I also think girls need to be a little more sensitive to the fact that whether they like it or not, we're paying them a compliment. Here are a couple tips for you ladies out there who just don't know how to handle getting asked out by a guy:
1. First of all, be merciful. If you're going to say no and there's no chance for the guy, at least give him a good reason. Don't just leave him wondering why you said no. Be honest, not brutal, but definitely honest. Keep in mind that he likes you...don't make him hate you.
2. DO NOT LIE TO MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER...this will only get his hopes up, and then you'll have to go through this again.
3. If you're not sure, don't say no right away. Think about it for a day or two and then give an answer. Or, say yes and realize that you don't have anything to lose. You get a free evening with someone who wants to treat you well, and the worst that can happen is you get to know the guy better.
4. Stop watching movies...Ok, so I know you won't stop watching movies, but seriously, if you expect the guy whose asking you out to be as smooth as a scripted actor; you're setting every man up to fail. It isn't fair that we're expected to perform at an insanely high level when we're more nervous than ever...
5. We're nervous because we like you...give us a break.
Okay, I'm too tired to keep writing. So, I'm going to follow this up with a little more tomorrow...
-Matt
I think single women need to understand that it actually takes quite a bit of courage to ask them out on dates, and I also think girls need to be a little more sensitive to the fact that whether they like it or not, we're paying them a compliment. Here are a couple tips for you ladies out there who just don't know how to handle getting asked out by a guy:
1. First of all, be merciful. If you're going to say no and there's no chance for the guy, at least give him a good reason. Don't just leave him wondering why you said no. Be honest, not brutal, but definitely honest. Keep in mind that he likes you...don't make him hate you.
2. DO NOT LIE TO MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER...this will only get his hopes up, and then you'll have to go through this again.
3. If you're not sure, don't say no right away. Think about it for a day or two and then give an answer. Or, say yes and realize that you don't have anything to lose. You get a free evening with someone who wants to treat you well, and the worst that can happen is you get to know the guy better.
4. Stop watching movies...Ok, so I know you won't stop watching movies, but seriously, if you expect the guy whose asking you out to be as smooth as a scripted actor; you're setting every man up to fail. It isn't fair that we're expected to perform at an insanely high level when we're more nervous than ever...
5. We're nervous because we like you...give us a break.
Okay, I'm too tired to keep writing. So, I'm going to follow this up with a little more tomorrow...
-Matt
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Much Study Wearies My Body...A Socially Inept Experience
I just came to the realization today that I am an insanely frazzled person when I've been studying.
I've been preparing to take the State Property & Casualty Insurance Exam, and this week I've been hitting the books particularly hard. As a result, I have not slept well since Saturday, I am having a very difficult time finishing my sentences, and I am unable to answer any non insurance-related questions. It's actually pretty sad how socially inept I become when I'm studying. I had a run-in with a beautiful girl this morning and was completely unable to make any sense of my words or the things she was saying. Pathetic. Yes, this girl is super smart, and her beauty may have phased me a bit. However, I can only think of one other time this has happened to me (normally I'm pretty suave...minus the superficial part), and it just so happened to be during a time of great stress in my life...mainly school.
I think the only reason I realized my current state is because I haven't been in school for almost three months now, and for the first time in two years I've been relaxed. All I know is I feel really sorry for everyone who has had to put up with me throughout the past two years of my academic obsession, and I can't wait to be finished with this exam. I'm ready to just be myself for a change. Don't get me wrong, learning will always be a part of my daily life, but I am so much happier when I can properly interact with other human beings. Reading and studying are great, but I'm ready to do them at a manageable pace. More like a stroll down a beautiful lane instead of sprint down a treacherous hill.
-Matt
I've been preparing to take the State Property & Casualty Insurance Exam, and this week I've been hitting the books particularly hard. As a result, I have not slept well since Saturday, I am having a very difficult time finishing my sentences, and I am unable to answer any non insurance-related questions. It's actually pretty sad how socially inept I become when I'm studying. I had a run-in with a beautiful girl this morning and was completely unable to make any sense of my words or the things she was saying. Pathetic. Yes, this girl is super smart, and her beauty may have phased me a bit. However, I can only think of one other time this has happened to me (normally I'm pretty suave...minus the superficial part), and it just so happened to be during a time of great stress in my life...mainly school.
I think the only reason I realized my current state is because I haven't been in school for almost three months now, and for the first time in two years I've been relaxed. All I know is I feel really sorry for everyone who has had to put up with me throughout the past two years of my academic obsession, and I can't wait to be finished with this exam. I'm ready to just be myself for a change. Don't get me wrong, learning will always be a part of my daily life, but I am so much happier when I can properly interact with other human beings. Reading and studying are great, but I'm ready to do them at a manageable pace. More like a stroll down a beautiful lane instead of sprint down a treacherous hill.
-Matt
Monday, February 21, 2011
A Sabatical of Sorts.
I know I've been an absent blogger over the weekend, but don't fret. Fewer blog posts means more interesting content. I have had a very interesting past 6 days, and have stumbled upon new revelation of my current life status. Basically, that is short for, I have a plan in the works and I'll let you know about it in a few days.
I know you all hate it when I write these posts that don't say anything, and for that I apologize sincerely. Lately, my mind has been very distracted by new things that seem really important, and nothing else that I could write is even remotely interesting. Oh well, I'll get back to you all shortly...I just have business to attend to first.
-Matt
I know you all hate it when I write these posts that don't say anything, and for that I apologize sincerely. Lately, my mind has been very distracted by new things that seem really important, and nothing else that I could write is even remotely interesting. Oh well, I'll get back to you all shortly...I just have business to attend to first.
-Matt
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Reading...
My love for reading is well known amongst my friends and family. If I could, I would spend the rest of my life at a university; teaching by day and reading in a library or coffee shop by night. Unfortunately, I do not think my dream will ever come true. I've read most of the classics, ranging from Austen to Whitman with a little Conan Doyle, Shelley, Lewis, and Twain wrapped in nicely. I've read a lot of the great philosophers: Aristotle, Plato, Socrates, Thales, Augustine, Machiavelli, Marx, Kierkegaard, and Nietzsche - to name a few. I have enjoyed a few Christian Authors like: Piper, Driscoll, Graham, Dekker, Ludy, Henry, Zacharias, and even some Chan. I'm not sure where to begin with more current fiction novels...I've read quite a few. Some of my favorites are written by: Rowling, Palahniuk, Adams (Douglas), Cussler, Ludlum, Christie, Fleming, Tolkien, and now, Patrick Rothfuss.
It is true that I love to read, and it is also true that I was not always this way. In fact, I used to think reading a book was a waste of time. I was the kid who would rather watch the movie of the book when it came out instead of reading the book itself. Growing up I was lazy. I was focused on playing sports and video games, and school fell right into place behind friends on my list of priorities. Reading a book was equal to doing the dishes as far as I was concerned. However, at some point, a change occurred.
I think the book that helped me realize my love for reading was actually The adventures of Huckleberry Finn. As odd as that may sound, Mark Twain helped me realize that a character can actually be portrayed better in writing than on a big screen. I found myself lost in Huck Finn's story, and the blatant honesty of the times kept me interested. Now, this didn't immediately ignite me into a book-aholic, but it did give me a better appreciation for literature. From there, I began to read my assigned reading more carefully (whether my mother chooses to believe it or not) and then even began to pick up books without being asked. In high school, I took it upon myself to read everything that Jane Austen had written, and then shortly after that I read The Simarillion followed by everything that Tolkien had written. I tried to get through all of C.S. Lewis' writings as well, but at the time, books such as The Abolition of Man and Letters to Malcolm were a little too complex. I eventually finished Lewis in College. After my Lewis fail, I became interested in short stories and found myself reading E.A. Poe's dreadful poetry, and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes stories. But the short story phase didn't last. No, I was too much a fan of fantasy novels.
Now, obviously I'm a fan of Harry Potter, I've read the Eragon books (please don't ask how I liked them), and The Wheel of Time series is pretty much a fantasy buff's standard (Need to read those again). What can I say, I'm a sucker for an intelligently written, quest-style, fantasy novel. Right now I'm reading The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss, and I'm LOVING it!! (More on this later). Basically, all of you need to go buy this book and read it right now.
I am now an avid reader and I wouldn't change anything about that part of me. I'll read anything and, if I was capable, everything. If there is something you've read lately that you really liked and couldn't put down until the end, please let me know! I'm always looking for a new good book. =)
-Matt
It is true that I love to read, and it is also true that I was not always this way. In fact, I used to think reading a book was a waste of time. I was the kid who would rather watch the movie of the book when it came out instead of reading the book itself. Growing up I was lazy. I was focused on playing sports and video games, and school fell right into place behind friends on my list of priorities. Reading a book was equal to doing the dishes as far as I was concerned. However, at some point, a change occurred.
I think the book that helped me realize my love for reading was actually The adventures of Huckleberry Finn. As odd as that may sound, Mark Twain helped me realize that a character can actually be portrayed better in writing than on a big screen. I found myself lost in Huck Finn's story, and the blatant honesty of the times kept me interested. Now, this didn't immediately ignite me into a book-aholic, but it did give me a better appreciation for literature. From there, I began to read my assigned reading more carefully (whether my mother chooses to believe it or not) and then even began to pick up books without being asked. In high school, I took it upon myself to read everything that Jane Austen had written, and then shortly after that I read The Simarillion followed by everything that Tolkien had written. I tried to get through all of C.S. Lewis' writings as well, but at the time, books such as The Abolition of Man and Letters to Malcolm were a little too complex. I eventually finished Lewis in College. After my Lewis fail, I became interested in short stories and found myself reading E.A. Poe's dreadful poetry, and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes stories. But the short story phase didn't last. No, I was too much a fan of fantasy novels.
Now, obviously I'm a fan of Harry Potter, I've read the Eragon books (please don't ask how I liked them), and The Wheel of Time series is pretty much a fantasy buff's standard (Need to read those again). What can I say, I'm a sucker for an intelligently written, quest-style, fantasy novel. Right now I'm reading The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss, and I'm LOVING it!! (More on this later). Basically, all of you need to go buy this book and read it right now.
I am now an avid reader and I wouldn't change anything about that part of me. I'll read anything and, if I was capable, everything. If there is something you've read lately that you really liked and couldn't put down until the end, please let me know! I'm always looking for a new good book. =)
-Matt
Monday, February 14, 2011
Valentines Day...
It is that time of year again. You know, the time of year when everything changes to shades of Red,Pink, and Purple. The time of year when single men spend more than they can afford to impress girls who don't know they exist. It's the time of year when we all forget what love is, and allow ourselves to get lost in our infatuation...
Happy Valentines Day, everyone...
Unlike most people, my grievances with this holiday have nothing to do with me being single. I don't mind being single, I'm happy for all of my friends who are currently in relationships, and I think Valentines Day has a lot of potential to be a good thing for me in the future.
The things I do not like about Valentines Day are as follows:
1. Valentines Day forces more emphasis on to the giving of gifts than it does to showing affection. Now, I realize that these can be one and the same. However, as a man, it seems as though my worth is often based upon the extravagance of the gift I can afford to purchase. What ever happened to writing a hand-made card to your "valentine," or even just spending some quality time with them? Why does everything have to be over-romanticized, and so dramatic that even Shakespeare would tell a few of my friends to chill out? I just don't get why "simple" has become "cheap"...a lot of thought can be put into simplicity.
2. Valentines Day encourages infatuation, and calls it love. This is probably my least favorite thing about today. Love is something special...duh. Let me try again. Love is an emotion that transcends a feeling and is formed in the shape of a commitment. Is that better? (Feel free to share your own definition). It really bothers me that just because today is Valentines Day, men and women everywhere will disregard what love truly is for the pleasures of its antithesis.
3. Valentines Day makes single people feel like crap. Valentines Day is a day for couples, and it intentionally excludes single people. Sure you could argue that it is the single person's fault for not being with someone, but that would just prove my point. Valentines Day is a shallow holiday that causes people to set aside their standards so they don't have to be single. I don't like it, and I choose not to participate. For all you single folks out there, have a party. Forget about the couples and have fun with your other single friends. There really is no reason to mope...
I have a few more reasons to not like Valentines Day, but I'll let it rest for now. I'm sure some of you are getting tired of reading this anyways. I've now been without a better-half for 22 straight Valentines Days, and I am totally okay with that.
Feel free to comment here or on my Facebook page. I'd love to hear your opinions and rebuttal.
-Matt
Happy Valentines Day, everyone...
Unlike most people, my grievances with this holiday have nothing to do with me being single. I don't mind being single, I'm happy for all of my friends who are currently in relationships, and I think Valentines Day has a lot of potential to be a good thing for me in the future.
The things I do not like about Valentines Day are as follows:
1. Valentines Day forces more emphasis on to the giving of gifts than it does to showing affection. Now, I realize that these can be one and the same. However, as a man, it seems as though my worth is often based upon the extravagance of the gift I can afford to purchase. What ever happened to writing a hand-made card to your "valentine," or even just spending some quality time with them? Why does everything have to be over-romanticized, and so dramatic that even Shakespeare would tell a few of my friends to chill out? I just don't get why "simple" has become "cheap"...a lot of thought can be put into simplicity.
2. Valentines Day encourages infatuation, and calls it love. This is probably my least favorite thing about today. Love is something special...duh. Let me try again. Love is an emotion that transcends a feeling and is formed in the shape of a commitment. Is that better? (Feel free to share your own definition). It really bothers me that just because today is Valentines Day, men and women everywhere will disregard what love truly is for the pleasures of its antithesis.
3. Valentines Day makes single people feel like crap. Valentines Day is a day for couples, and it intentionally excludes single people. Sure you could argue that it is the single person's fault for not being with someone, but that would just prove my point. Valentines Day is a shallow holiday that causes people to set aside their standards so they don't have to be single. I don't like it, and I choose not to participate. For all you single folks out there, have a party. Forget about the couples and have fun with your other single friends. There really is no reason to mope...
I have a few more reasons to not like Valentines Day, but I'll let it rest for now. I'm sure some of you are getting tired of reading this anyways. I've now been without a better-half for 22 straight Valentines Days, and I am totally okay with that.
Feel free to comment here or on my Facebook page. I'd love to hear your opinions and rebuttal.
-Matt
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Not Concerned...
There are a few things in life that I just don't worry about. One of these things is what people think of me. I've learned throughout the years that I'd rather be myself than constantly be worrying about whether or not I'm meeting my peer's standards. I think it is foolish to be someone you don't like just because everyone else thinks that you should be a specific type of person. This doesn't mean I don't ever wonder what people say about me when I'm not around. I think it is only human to wonder how other people perceive me as an individual. However, I make sure that I am not changing who I am just to please the people around me. I would love it if someone compiled a list of everything that people said about me this past month, but I doubt the information would cause me to change much. I don't know, I guess I just don't see a reason to worry about other people's opinions of me anymore...I just want to be myself...
-Matt
-Matt
Friday, February 11, 2011
Singleness Has Been a Great Gift In My Life
Ok, so are you all ready for my take on Valentines Day? Well, too bad, you're going to have to wait because my tradition states that I cannot post my view(s) on Valentines Day until the fourteenth. However, I found a loop-hole in my system, and instead of talking about V-day, I'm going to talk about the wonderful gift of singleness *collective groan*...Oh cmon guys & gals, this won't be too bad.
I know this is a touchy topic for a lot of you. So, my purpose here is not to tell anyone what they should do, but rather, to tell you how singleness has been a very beneficial tool for me throughout my life. I think sharing a little bit of my story may help some of you understand my perspective on dating & relationships.
I'd like to begin in March of 2008.
During the Spring semester of my freshman year of college, I fell for a girl. Up to this point in my life, I had never been in a relationship with anyone, and I had no idea what I was doing. I had remained single all through high school because I didn't think there was a point. After all, how many high school relationships actually last? Besides, I was super ambitious and didn't feel like tying myself to someone at such a young age. At any rate, this girl and I began a relationship. I can't really call it dating because we never went out anywhere, but we did spend almost every waking moment together. We liked it that way. As the relationship progressed, I noticed a serious lapse in my judgment and spiritual life. She noticed it too, but was too nice to ever tell me. Her and I made a ton of mistakes along the way, and she finally broke up with me on my 20th birthday. I have a ton of respect for her for having the strength to call off our relationship. She is the only girl I can say I ever loved, and I believe that she loved me for a short time too. It was not easy for me, but life goes on.
Fast-forward to now.
I've been single for a little over two years now, and I'm a much better person because of it. Sure I've had my moments of loneliness, and sure I've attempted to pursue a few girls along the way (I'm pretty tactless). But what I've learned these past two years is that singleness truly is a gift from the Lord. Not because girls are evil or anything like that, but because being single opens up so many opportunities that people who are involved in relationships miss out on. Before I get too far, let me say that I believe Bible is the infallible word of God. So by default, I believe that "A man who finds a wife finds a good thing" (Proverbs 18:22). On the flip-side, I think Paul was on the right track when he told the church at Corinth that he wished they could be as he was, single (I Cor. 7:7). A single man/woman has a far easier time doing ministry because they are void of distraction. I have experienced this in my life. The distraction of a relationship was not something I was personally ready for, and it was something that God was not finished preparing me for.
Singleness in my life has been a time for me to refocus my perspective. Instead of asking God if a certain girl is right for me, I ask Him if I'm the man He has prepared for her. I have shifted my focus from what I want to what God has for me. I'm not perfect, and I still have a lot of desires, but I'm not nearly as irrational as I used to be, and I allow God to be my filter for those desires now. Being single has been so beneficial for redirecting my focus back onto heavenly things. I have had so much extra time to spend with my brothers at the church, and I have found that I don't really care about whether or not I'm in a relationship anymore. Sure, it'd be nice to find the amazing woman that I'm going to eventually marry, but I'm done trying to rush/force it. Being a single man has had its benefits, and right now, it's going to take a pretty amazing woman to pull me away.
-Matt
As an end note, I really want to thank you, Melanie; for having the strength to stand up for yourself and tell me no. I know that was hard for you. I know you never read this, and have severed all remaining connection between us, but I am a better man because of you. If you ever read this, know that I am praying for you and your husband. I have a ton of respect for you both.
I know this is a touchy topic for a lot of you. So, my purpose here is not to tell anyone what they should do, but rather, to tell you how singleness has been a very beneficial tool for me throughout my life. I think sharing a little bit of my story may help some of you understand my perspective on dating & relationships.
I'd like to begin in March of 2008.
During the Spring semester of my freshman year of college, I fell for a girl. Up to this point in my life, I had never been in a relationship with anyone, and I had no idea what I was doing. I had remained single all through high school because I didn't think there was a point. After all, how many high school relationships actually last? Besides, I was super ambitious and didn't feel like tying myself to someone at such a young age. At any rate, this girl and I began a relationship. I can't really call it dating because we never went out anywhere, but we did spend almost every waking moment together. We liked it that way. As the relationship progressed, I noticed a serious lapse in my judgment and spiritual life. She noticed it too, but was too nice to ever tell me. Her and I made a ton of mistakes along the way, and she finally broke up with me on my 20th birthday. I have a ton of respect for her for having the strength to call off our relationship. She is the only girl I can say I ever loved, and I believe that she loved me for a short time too. It was not easy for me, but life goes on.
Fast-forward to now.
I've been single for a little over two years now, and I'm a much better person because of it. Sure I've had my moments of loneliness, and sure I've attempted to pursue a few girls along the way (I'm pretty tactless). But what I've learned these past two years is that singleness truly is a gift from the Lord. Not because girls are evil or anything like that, but because being single opens up so many opportunities that people who are involved in relationships miss out on. Before I get too far, let me say that I believe Bible is the infallible word of God. So by default, I believe that "A man who finds a wife finds a good thing" (Proverbs 18:22). On the flip-side, I think Paul was on the right track when he told the church at Corinth that he wished they could be as he was, single (I Cor. 7:7). A single man/woman has a far easier time doing ministry because they are void of distraction. I have experienced this in my life. The distraction of a relationship was not something I was personally ready for, and it was something that God was not finished preparing me for.
Singleness in my life has been a time for me to refocus my perspective. Instead of asking God if a certain girl is right for me, I ask Him if I'm the man He has prepared for her. I have shifted my focus from what I want to what God has for me. I'm not perfect, and I still have a lot of desires, but I'm not nearly as irrational as I used to be, and I allow God to be my filter for those desires now. Being single has been so beneficial for redirecting my focus back onto heavenly things. I have had so much extra time to spend with my brothers at the church, and I have found that I don't really care about whether or not I'm in a relationship anymore. Sure, it'd be nice to find the amazing woman that I'm going to eventually marry, but I'm done trying to rush/force it. Being a single man has had its benefits, and right now, it's going to take a pretty amazing woman to pull me away.
-Matt
As an end note, I really want to thank you, Melanie; for having the strength to stand up for yourself and tell me no. I know that was hard for you. I know you never read this, and have severed all remaining connection between us, but I am a better man because of you. If you ever read this, know that I am praying for you and your husband. I have a ton of respect for you both.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
A Tribute and A Short Trip Down Memory Lane
I'm going to be honest, I have now written the introduction to this post 11 times, and I still don't feel like I can do it justice. The reason is because today's post is about a man for whom I have a ton of respect. He has been my friend for the past ten years, and has helped me get through a lot of really tough things. I love him like a brother and I'd go to battle with him or for him, any day of the week, for any reason. This man is my best friend,and his name is Jim Stallings.
Our story as friends began on a bus going from Fort Collins, Colorado to Estes Park, Colorado. It was the CSU, Campus Crusade for Christ, All-Staff Conference, and we were missionary kids. Somewhere about half an hour outside of Rocky Mountain National Park, I made the mistake of mentioning how great I believed Tiger Woods was as a golfer. I was even bold enough to predict that he would eventually become, and probably was, the best golfer to ever play the game. As soon as the statement was made, I heard a casual, southern voice, from a few rows back, say, "What about Bobby Jones?" Well, to be really honest, I had no friggin' idea who Bobby Jones was, but I knew enough about Tiger Woods to defend my position. I found out quickly that this blonde-haired, five-foot-nothing, 13 year old boy took his golf history very seriously. We went back and forth until the bus arrived at its destination, and then outside of Jim being in my small group that week, I don't remember us hanging out at all, or discussing which ministries our parents worked for.
Fast forward to February, 2002.
My family had just moved into our new home in Maumelle, AR. The trip down had been awful, and I didn't understand how it could be 55 degrees and sunny without snow in February. I was busy unpacking boxes when the doorbell rang. Since my room was the closest to the front door, I answered it. Standing on our porch -yes, we have a very redneck porch - was a incredibly short, blond woman holding an odd-looking cake and seemed very flustered. I had never seen her before; however, I found out very quickly that everyone at the ministry knew who I was. Her name, to me, was and always will be, Mrs. Stallings, and the first words she spoke to me with her high pitched southern drawl were, "Oh hi dear, you must be Matt. When we heard ya'll had moved in, I just had to bake ya'll a cake. Jim is in the car, but he ripped his finger-nail off, so he isn't coming out." I stood speechless because I had never heard someone with such a thick southern accent, she was 4 foot 11 (in heels), and I had no earthly idea who Jim was. I had a pretty good clue who he was since he looks so much like his mom, but in the moment, I just couldn't remember. My mom eventually saved me, and we set a date to see them again.
I guess it was a few weeks later that my mom and I went over to Jim's house for the first time. Jim and I had basically nothing in common, and it showed. We went outside and I pretended to be interested in his golf stories and love for college football; two things he indoctrinated into my life. I remember we tried to have a sword fight with sticks, but I was way more athletic, and quite a bit bigger than he was, so, I tried to hold back. I'm not going to lie, I probably wouldn't have hung out with Jim for much longer if I had any other friends, but I was lonely and he was a good kid.
Our friendship continued because of Fellowship Bible Church and the fact that our parents were in the same community group together. So, every Sunday night, I went over to the Stalling's house and hung out with Jim. We took turns kicking each other's butts at Nintendo hockey and college football on the gamecube (ironically, I was the one who lost at hockey...every game). The more I went over to his place, the more I realized that I didn't like hanging out with Jim because we had a lot in common. I liked hanging out with Jim because he is as hyper-competitive as I am; thus, our friendship was born.
Jim and I compete in everything. I think his wife hates it, but we have a great time. Oddly enough though, the closest and most heart-breaking losses (okafor from half-court, and blowing it with Spain in the Fifa 11' World cup), are the moments that make our friendship stronger. I can't remember ever getting into an argument with Jim where I was angry at him, and I don't think he's been seriously upset with me. Jim has always been there for me. When I was at my lowest point a couple years ago, Jim watched out for me. He'd call me and tell me to drive across town to play pool with him because he knew I just needed some friendly competition to blow off some steam. He'd listen to me vent until I was only focused on the game and our inside jokes (all 30,000 of them). He knows I'd do the same for him.
I've never known someone who has had to deal with as much crap as Jim, and I've never known anyone who has taken that much with the level of class that he has. I have more respect for this guy than anyone else, and it has been well earned. I wish I still lived in Little Rock so we could hang out more, but I guess we're all grown up now. Man, if you've read all of this, you know I've left out a lot of things intentionally. But all of those things meant just as much to me as the others. I'm going to sign off now because, "I've got to go see about a girl", but you know it's my turn to use that line now...How do you like them apples, eh?
Happy Birthday, Jim...I miss you and Samantha,
-Matt
Our story as friends began on a bus going from Fort Collins, Colorado to Estes Park, Colorado. It was the CSU, Campus Crusade for Christ, All-Staff Conference, and we were missionary kids. Somewhere about half an hour outside of Rocky Mountain National Park, I made the mistake of mentioning how great I believed Tiger Woods was as a golfer. I was even bold enough to predict that he would eventually become, and probably was, the best golfer to ever play the game. As soon as the statement was made, I heard a casual, southern voice, from a few rows back, say, "What about Bobby Jones?" Well, to be really honest, I had no friggin' idea who Bobby Jones was, but I knew enough about Tiger Woods to defend my position. I found out quickly that this blonde-haired, five-foot-nothing, 13 year old boy took his golf history very seriously. We went back and forth until the bus arrived at its destination, and then outside of Jim being in my small group that week, I don't remember us hanging out at all, or discussing which ministries our parents worked for.
Fast forward to February, 2002.
My family had just moved into our new home in Maumelle, AR. The trip down had been awful, and I didn't understand how it could be 55 degrees and sunny without snow in February. I was busy unpacking boxes when the doorbell rang. Since my room was the closest to the front door, I answered it. Standing on our porch -yes, we have a very redneck porch - was a incredibly short, blond woman holding an odd-looking cake and seemed very flustered. I had never seen her before; however, I found out very quickly that everyone at the ministry knew who I was. Her name, to me, was and always will be, Mrs. Stallings, and the first words she spoke to me with her high pitched southern drawl were, "Oh hi dear, you must be Matt. When we heard ya'll had moved in, I just had to bake ya'll a cake. Jim is in the car, but he ripped his finger-nail off, so he isn't coming out." I stood speechless because I had never heard someone with such a thick southern accent, she was 4 foot 11 (in heels), and I had no earthly idea who Jim was. I had a pretty good clue who he was since he looks so much like his mom, but in the moment, I just couldn't remember. My mom eventually saved me, and we set a date to see them again.
I guess it was a few weeks later that my mom and I went over to Jim's house for the first time. Jim and I had basically nothing in common, and it showed. We went outside and I pretended to be interested in his golf stories and love for college football; two things he indoctrinated into my life. I remember we tried to have a sword fight with sticks, but I was way more athletic, and quite a bit bigger than he was, so, I tried to hold back. I'm not going to lie, I probably wouldn't have hung out with Jim for much longer if I had any other friends, but I was lonely and he was a good kid.
Our friendship continued because of Fellowship Bible Church and the fact that our parents were in the same community group together. So, every Sunday night, I went over to the Stalling's house and hung out with Jim. We took turns kicking each other's butts at Nintendo hockey and college football on the gamecube (ironically, I was the one who lost at hockey...every game). The more I went over to his place, the more I realized that I didn't like hanging out with Jim because we had a lot in common. I liked hanging out with Jim because he is as hyper-competitive as I am; thus, our friendship was born.
Jim and I compete in everything. I think his wife hates it, but we have a great time. Oddly enough though, the closest and most heart-breaking losses (okafor from half-court, and blowing it with Spain in the Fifa 11' World cup), are the moments that make our friendship stronger. I can't remember ever getting into an argument with Jim where I was angry at him, and I don't think he's been seriously upset with me. Jim has always been there for me. When I was at my lowest point a couple years ago, Jim watched out for me. He'd call me and tell me to drive across town to play pool with him because he knew I just needed some friendly competition to blow off some steam. He'd listen to me vent until I was only focused on the game and our inside jokes (all 30,000 of them). He knows I'd do the same for him.
I've never known someone who has had to deal with as much crap as Jim, and I've never known anyone who has taken that much with the level of class that he has. I have more respect for this guy than anyone else, and it has been well earned. I wish I still lived in Little Rock so we could hang out more, but I guess we're all grown up now. Man, if you've read all of this, you know I've left out a lot of things intentionally. But all of those things meant just as much to me as the others. I'm going to sign off now because, "I've got to go see about a girl", but you know it's my turn to use that line now...How do you like them apples, eh?
Happy Birthday, Jim...I miss you and Samantha,
-Matt
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Having an Opinion...
I meant to write a new post last night, but exhaustion got the best of me. It's funny how insomnia work though because, even though I had no energy to write a blog post, I tossed and turned all night long.
Regardless of how I write tonight's blog post, it is going to be oxymoronic and probably a little hypocritical. The reason for this is because tonight I am writing about people who are irrationally opinionated.
I will be the first to admit that I am very opinionated. I like to study, I like to analyze, and I like to share...this is an awful, and sometimes, explosive combination of character traits. I firmly believe that it is a good thing to be opinionated. I can't imagine an intelligent person or a leader who is void of having an opinion. In fact, I do not believe it is even a possibility. Having a truly good opinion of something implies that the person with the opinion has some knowledge. It implies that they have an alternate perspective that transcends whatever attempt at indoctrination has been fired their way. I like people with studied opinions, and I love hearing/listening to their perspective.
What I do not like, and the reason I am writing about people with opinions tonight; are people who form opinions based on a single perspective. What I mean by "single perspective: is when a person hears, from someone they know, that this person's phone service provider screwed them over and the customer representative treated them poorly. The people I don't like automatically think, "Oh, they must be the worst company ever, and I bet they treat every customer that way," - then they tweet about it..." I think you get the point. Those people, the ones who don't ever try anything for themselves, or do any sort of research. Those people irritate me a little bit. It amazes me when people I know post something on their Facebook status or Tweet something that just rips an idea, product, or person that I like without any factual evidence for their case (I know I'm guilty of this - read the second paragraph and save your fingers from carpel tunnel). I'm not trying to sound Holier-than-Thou by writing this. I just think some people need to be reminded that they need to slow down, chill out, and not hate things just because they heard one side of a bitter story about them.
My conclusion is simple. Be opinionated...but for everyone else's sakes, do your research.
-Matt
Regardless of how I write tonight's blog post, it is going to be oxymoronic and probably a little hypocritical. The reason for this is because tonight I am writing about people who are irrationally opinionated.
I will be the first to admit that I am very opinionated. I like to study, I like to analyze, and I like to share...this is an awful, and sometimes, explosive combination of character traits. I firmly believe that it is a good thing to be opinionated. I can't imagine an intelligent person or a leader who is void of having an opinion. In fact, I do not believe it is even a possibility. Having a truly good opinion of something implies that the person with the opinion has some knowledge. It implies that they have an alternate perspective that transcends whatever attempt at indoctrination has been fired their way. I like people with studied opinions, and I love hearing/listening to their perspective.
What I do not like, and the reason I am writing about people with opinions tonight; are people who form opinions based on a single perspective. What I mean by "single perspective: is when a person hears, from someone they know, that this person's phone service provider screwed them over and the customer representative treated them poorly. The people I don't like automatically think, "Oh, they must be the worst company ever, and I bet they treat every customer that way," - then they tweet about it..." I think you get the point. Those people, the ones who don't ever try anything for themselves, or do any sort of research. Those people irritate me a little bit. It amazes me when people I know post something on their Facebook status or Tweet something that just rips an idea, product, or person that I like without any factual evidence for their case (I know I'm guilty of this - read the second paragraph and save your fingers from carpel tunnel). I'm not trying to sound Holier-than-Thou by writing this. I just think some people need to be reminded that they need to slow down, chill out, and not hate things just because they heard one side of a bitter story about them.
My conclusion is simple. Be opinionated...but for everyone else's sakes, do your research.
-Matt
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Couple Things on My Mind
Late night blogging is never a good idea; however, I have neglected my readers for almost five days now, and let's be honest, my last post sucked. It was uninteresting and self-indulgent...I apologize.
Tonight I'm in thinking mode. If you don't know me very well; first of all, don't worry because not many people do, and secondly, you need to know that when I start thinking I become a vicious, self-loathing, monster - See!? I've already begun...Dear Lord, this could get ugly. *Warning* I have no idea what I'm going to say, but I am going to say it...
The first thing that I've been thinking about tonight is how much time I waste or have wasted on helping my friends out with things. I have given them all rides when they need them, paid for meals when they couldn't, and anyone who has really taken the time to get to know me knows that I am always willing to listen when they need to vent or just talk about something (by the way, I never share other people's secrets). I know I shouldn't expect anything in return, and honestly, until today, I hadn't even thought about this, but I have seen little to no return on my "investment" into my friends. I love them all, and I'll keep doing things for them anyways, but I gotta admit, I was pretty disappointed to find out that most of my friends really don't give a crap about me (the few of you who know this doesn't apply too you - Thanks). I understand that I'm an opinionated guy, but very rarely do I ignore my friend's point of views. I've heard that people think I'm arrogant/conceited - maybe try to get to know me sometime. I've also come to the realization that people think I'm an A-hole (please excuse my usage of a harsh letter), and nothing more than a sarcastic jerk. Well, I don't deny that I'm a little sarcastic, but I also don't deny that I have a difficult time being genuine with people because I'm so often socially rejected. At least the sarcasm and joking has gotten me a few laughs here and there. Again, prove to me that I can trust you, and I might actually be willing to tell you things about me. I'd rather do that instead of using my lousy cold-reading skills and pointed questioning techniques to figure out who you are so that I can effectively mess with you. Anyways, it saddens me that I invest so much time and effort into my friends; yet, when I need a little assistance, it's like pulling teeth to get some help from my friends.
Okay, deep breath - next item...
I blogged a couple weeks ago about a dream I had (bet you thought I forgot, huh?). I wrote the dream down, and I have been converting it into a short story. At first, I didn't understand the dream, but as I've been writing it into story form, I've begun to realize that it's just a metaphorical picture of my life. Parts of the story have been very difficult for me to write, and the closer I come to the end...the scarier the story gets. The thing that happened at the end of my dream scared the crap out of me, and I don't know what to think about it -- Sorry, I'm doing the Matt Roop super vague routine again. I'll stop now and just post the story when I'm finished. I'm just a bit flustered by what happens, and I don't think it fits...
This is not the last thing on my mind, but it is the last thing I'm going to blog about tonight. I do not like to talk about my relationship status, but it is something I've been thinking about a lot tonight. *News Flash!* -- Matt Roop is still single!...haha, shocker, I know. Being single doesn't bother me; in fact, I've rather enjoyed my time as a single man (2 years, 3 months, 7 days, and about 5 hours - I haven't been counting). The thing is, I'm twenty-two years old and I'm beginning to get a little bit lonely. I'm willing to wait as long as I have to for the right girl, but I gotta say, I sure hope it's soon. I'm far from desperate at this point, but I'm also not as close to patient as I used to be.
I hope this you found this post to be ummmm...informative and not boring (however unlikely that may be). This was more of an experiment for me than anything...I'm hoping that projecting my thoughts into a blog post will help with my insomnia; however, since it is just after 3am, I think I lost the battle tonight.
-Matt
Tonight I'm in thinking mode. If you don't know me very well; first of all, don't worry because not many people do, and secondly, you need to know that when I start thinking I become a vicious, self-loathing, monster - See!? I've already begun...Dear Lord, this could get ugly. *Warning* I have no idea what I'm going to say, but I am going to say it...
The first thing that I've been thinking about tonight is how much time I waste or have wasted on helping my friends out with things. I have given them all rides when they need them, paid for meals when they couldn't, and anyone who has really taken the time to get to know me knows that I am always willing to listen when they need to vent or just talk about something (by the way, I never share other people's secrets). I know I shouldn't expect anything in return, and honestly, until today, I hadn't even thought about this, but I have seen little to no return on my "investment" into my friends. I love them all, and I'll keep doing things for them anyways, but I gotta admit, I was pretty disappointed to find out that most of my friends really don't give a crap about me (the few of you who know this doesn't apply too you - Thanks). I understand that I'm an opinionated guy, but very rarely do I ignore my friend's point of views. I've heard that people think I'm arrogant/conceited - maybe try to get to know me sometime. I've also come to the realization that people think I'm an A-hole (please excuse my usage of a harsh letter), and nothing more than a sarcastic jerk. Well, I don't deny that I'm a little sarcastic, but I also don't deny that I have a difficult time being genuine with people because I'm so often socially rejected. At least the sarcasm and joking has gotten me a few laughs here and there. Again, prove to me that I can trust you, and I might actually be willing to tell you things about me. I'd rather do that instead of using my lousy cold-reading skills and pointed questioning techniques to figure out who you are so that I can effectively mess with you. Anyways, it saddens me that I invest so much time and effort into my friends; yet, when I need a little assistance, it's like pulling teeth to get some help from my friends.
Okay, deep breath - next item...
I blogged a couple weeks ago about a dream I had (bet you thought I forgot, huh?). I wrote the dream down, and I have been converting it into a short story. At first, I didn't understand the dream, but as I've been writing it into story form, I've begun to realize that it's just a metaphorical picture of my life. Parts of the story have been very difficult for me to write, and the closer I come to the end...the scarier the story gets. The thing that happened at the end of my dream scared the crap out of me, and I don't know what to think about it -- Sorry, I'm doing the Matt Roop super vague routine again. I'll stop now and just post the story when I'm finished. I'm just a bit flustered by what happens, and I don't think it fits...
This is not the last thing on my mind, but it is the last thing I'm going to blog about tonight. I do not like to talk about my relationship status, but it is something I've been thinking about a lot tonight. *News Flash!* -- Matt Roop is still single!...haha, shocker, I know. Being single doesn't bother me; in fact, I've rather enjoyed my time as a single man (2 years, 3 months, 7 days, and about 5 hours - I haven't been counting). The thing is, I'm twenty-two years old and I'm beginning to get a little bit lonely. I'm willing to wait as long as I have to for the right girl, but I gotta say, I sure hope it's soon. I'm far from desperate at this point, but I'm also not as close to patient as I used to be.
I hope this you found this post to be ummmm...informative and not boring (however unlikely that may be). This was more of an experiment for me than anything...I'm hoping that projecting my thoughts into a blog post will help with my insomnia; however, since it is just after 3am, I think I lost the battle tonight.
-Matt
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Sneaky, Sneaky, Snow..
I would feel a little bit bad if I did not blog about the "Snowpocalypse" that has taken place here in Northwest Arkansas. Being a Minnesotan, the only thing I find interesting or fascinating about snow in Arkansas is that it happens at all. Knowing that a few months from now it is going to be 100+ degrees with 95% humidity and thunderstorms every afternoon/evening; it just doesn't make sense to me that days like today happen. Last night, and on into this morning, Springdale, AR received close to six inches of snow, and the temperature this morning hovered right around 0 Degrees Fahrenheit. I have to admit, it felt very much like home to me. However, there are a few huge differences in this snow than the snow with which I'm familiar.
For starters, when I look at this snow, all I can think is, "yep, it'll be gone by Saturday." -- What a let-down. Secondly, Minnesota's snow is not as deceiving as Arkansas snow. What I mean by this is we don't have an inch of ice sitting underneath ours! Why is it that this state gets a storm every single year that produces enough ice to keep all the booze on the UofA campus cold til July, but they still don't have enough equipment to handle it? When Minnesota gets snow, schools stay in session unless it's a blizzard - which means nearly a foot of snow...Arkansas (specifically Little Rock) closes the school districts the night before the snow happens -- A reflection of the quality of academics I suppose. Lastly, and this one may be just me, but there's something so much more beautiful about the snow in Minnesota. Down here in Arkansas, it doesn't feel much different than the rain. Maybe it's because the snow doesn't last as long in Arkansas. All I know is that the first snow of the year in Minnesota brings with it a sense of beautiful finality, a changing of the season, and the promise of consistency until Spring is ready to come.
My final thoughts on the snow today are I'm bummed I couldn't make it to work. I need to save my money to invest in a more reliable vehicle. My little Tiburon doesn't mind the snow, but she will not touch the ice. I hope you all have a wonderful day. Play in the snow because it most likely will go away by the weekend. And, finally, you stay classy, Northwest Arkansas...and to all my Little Rock people. . .enjoy the rain.
Happy Ground Hog's Day Everyone!!!
-Matt
For starters, when I look at this snow, all I can think is, "yep, it'll be gone by Saturday." -- What a let-down. Secondly, Minnesota's snow is not as deceiving as Arkansas snow. What I mean by this is we don't have an inch of ice sitting underneath ours! Why is it that this state gets a storm every single year that produces enough ice to keep all the booze on the UofA campus cold til July, but they still don't have enough equipment to handle it? When Minnesota gets snow, schools stay in session unless it's a blizzard - which means nearly a foot of snow...Arkansas (specifically Little Rock) closes the school districts the night before the snow happens -- A reflection of the quality of academics I suppose. Lastly, and this one may be just me, but there's something so much more beautiful about the snow in Minnesota. Down here in Arkansas, it doesn't feel much different than the rain. Maybe it's because the snow doesn't last as long in Arkansas. All I know is that the first snow of the year in Minnesota brings with it a sense of beautiful finality, a changing of the season, and the promise of consistency until Spring is ready to come.
My final thoughts on the snow today are I'm bummed I couldn't make it to work. I need to save my money to invest in a more reliable vehicle. My little Tiburon doesn't mind the snow, but she will not touch the ice. I hope you all have a wonderful day. Play in the snow because it most likely will go away by the weekend. And, finally, you stay classy, Northwest Arkansas...and to all my Little Rock people. . .enjoy the rain.
Happy Ground Hog's Day Everyone!!!
-Matt
Monday, January 31, 2011
Dear Hannah:
In response to a post I wrote, a blogger friend of mine, Hey Now Hannah, wrote a post to shed some light on the questions I asked, from the female perspective (Which I greatly appreciated). She later decided to write a post very similiar to mine and I have decided to respond to her questions by posting my answers here.
Question #1
"That guy who's unemployed, watches too much TV and texts me at midnight with nothing to say... What's his deal?"
Answer:
Well, it is very difficult for me to answer this question since I do not know the person you are referencing (if anyone at all). So, I'm going to write out a couple of potential scenarios and you can plug in the one that you think fits best.
"The most popular girl in the youth group - the one with the weird laugh who flirts and hangs all over the guys - why does she get so much male attention?"
Answer:
This one is super simple! The only reason she gets so much attention is because she puts herself out there. It doesn't make her any more desirable than the girls who are not super extroverted, but it does mean she gets more attention. In most cases though, the guys will only give her attention and keep her around because they feel comfortable around her. She may seem like the "most liked", but not all guys like to be forced into friendships and I know in my case, she'd irritate the tar out of me. The girl shown the most attention is not always the most popular girl amongst the guys -- Keep that in mind.
Question #3
"There's a difference between a guy who's interested and a guy who's desperate. How do you tell?"
Answer:
A few ways actually:
Also, I welcome anyone else who reads my blog to comment here or on my facebook page. If you don't feel comfortable with that, shoot me a message on Facebook and we can talk!
-Matt
Question #1
"That guy who's unemployed, watches too much TV and texts me at midnight with nothing to say... What's his deal?"
Answer:
Well, it is very difficult for me to answer this question since I do not know the person you are referencing (if anyone at all). So, I'm going to write out a couple of potential scenarios and you can plug in the one that you think fits best.
- This guy really likes you but you intimidate him in person. So, he resorts to texting you later at night when it is easier for him to have a conversation with you (ie. not face-to-face).
- This guy is desperate. Now do not missunderstand my usage of the word desperate because I mean this guy could be desperate for anything. He may just need someone to talk to so that he doesn't feel worthless. Who knows...Maybe ask?
- I think the "unemployed & watches too much T.V." part is kind of irrelevant, so don't read too much into it other than if you deem that as undesirable in a man (which you most likely shou...I mean, do). However, in any scenario he needs to man up a bit.
"The most popular girl in the youth group - the one with the weird laugh who flirts and hangs all over the guys - why does she get so much male attention?"
Answer:
This one is super simple! The only reason she gets so much attention is because she puts herself out there. It doesn't make her any more desirable than the girls who are not super extroverted, but it does mean she gets more attention. In most cases though, the guys will only give her attention and keep her around because they feel comfortable around her. She may seem like the "most liked", but not all guys like to be forced into friendships and I know in my case, she'd irritate the tar out of me. The girl shown the most attention is not always the most popular girl amongst the guys -- Keep that in mind.
Question #3
"There's a difference between a guy who's interested and a guy who's desperate. How do you tell?"
Answer:
A few ways actually:
- The guy who is interested will definitely have a harder time talking to you than the guy who is desperate.
- The guy who is desperate will steal every opportunity to be where you are and will always want to know what you're doing. The guy who is interested will/should respect you enough to know that he doesn't always need to be near you or texting you.
- It's a little easier to tell the difference between interested/desperate than it is to tell the difference between interested/just friendly. The thing is that some guys legitimately just want to be your friend, and often times it is really easy to think they want to be more. Also, the "just friendly" category can seem like the desperate category...and those people are just weird.
Also, I welcome anyone else who reads my blog to comment here or on my facebook page. If you don't feel comfortable with that, shoot me a message on Facebook and we can talk!
-Matt
Friday, January 28, 2011
Controversy, Girls, Things I Do Not Understand, And My Shameless Opinion
So, I got to see a principle I learned at a very young age actually prove itself to be true this week. The principle that controversy sells became real to me to the tune of a 500% increase of viewer traffic on my blog in the past three days. Yes, I can see how many times people visit. No, I don't know exactly who is visiting (I could probably find out). Thanks for reading guys.
Anyways, that is not what I want to discuss in this post.
The topic on the table is women. Yes, you heard me correctly, I want to talk about girls. Now, I'm not going to talk about any likes or dislikes that I may have. . .because that would be stupid. However, I am going to throw a few things out there that either confuse or concern me. An example being, how girls play really hard to get until a guy pretends to not care, and then they throw themselves at him. . .I don't understand.
A little background about where my limited knowledge of the female species comes from: I grew up with two sisters and no brother. My older sister is only 13 months older than me and she taught me almost everything I needed to know about women - I say almost because, obviously, women do not fully comprehend themselves, or else, attempting to understand a woman would not be nearly as futile a task as it is currently. My sisters exposed me to certain situations that I believe have helped me narrow my vision of what I consider to be my ideal woman. You see, the truth is that I am a very, very, very picky person because of what I learned from my sisters. I've learned how to decipher a girl's intentions based upon her tone and/or body language, I've learned how to keep track of a conversation that jumps all over the place, and I've most definitely learned how to recognize the few days a month when girls should be avoided...period.
Ok, so now that you kind of know where I came from, here are a few things that I don't understand:
1. Why is it that girls think it is okay to "claim" a guy?
- I have never been able to understand why girls will basically play the, "I saw him first" card in order to get the guy they want. They'll be sure to confide in their best friend (who she knows is going to tell everyone) that she likes Johnny, she thinks he's hot stuff, and she definitely thinks there is chemistry there because he wore the same color jeans that she did...blah.
- You know who you are...You say things like, "Of course I like the Cincinnati Browns!" and, "You're not fat, you're just really strong!" or my favorite, "I love your shoes...".
-This is one that I've never understood. The scenario: Guy doesn't like girl, guy treats girl like crap, girl falls in love with guy, guy takes advantage because it's easy...What has happened to our society? Because I know you're all reading this nodding your head saying, "yeah, that happens all the time."
-Matt
Anyways, that is not what I want to discuss in this post.
The topic on the table is women. Yes, you heard me correctly, I want to talk about girls. Now, I'm not going to talk about any likes or dislikes that I may have. . .because that would be stupid. However, I am going to throw a few things out there that either confuse or concern me. An example being, how girls play really hard to get until a guy pretends to not care, and then they throw themselves at him. . .I don't understand.
A little background about where my limited knowledge of the female species comes from: I grew up with two sisters and no brother. My older sister is only 13 months older than me and she taught me almost everything I needed to know about women - I say almost because, obviously, women do not fully comprehend themselves, or else, attempting to understand a woman would not be nearly as futile a task as it is currently. My sisters exposed me to certain situations that I believe have helped me narrow my vision of what I consider to be my ideal woman. You see, the truth is that I am a very, very, very picky person because of what I learned from my sisters. I've learned how to decipher a girl's intentions based upon her tone and/or body language, I've learned how to keep track of a conversation that jumps all over the place, and I've most definitely learned how to recognize the few days a month when girls should be avoided...period.
Ok, so now that you kind of know where I came from, here are a few things that I don't understand:
1. Why is it that girls think it is okay to "claim" a guy?
- I have never been able to understand why girls will basically play the, "I saw him first" card in order to get the guy they want. They'll be sure to confide in their best friend (who she knows is going to tell everyone) that she likes Johnny, she thinks he's hot stuff, and she definitely thinks there is chemistry there because he wore the same color jeans that she did...blah.
- Here's my take on this one...STOP IT! Ladies, please save yourselves from this practice. All you're doing is setting yourself up for a serious emotional let-down in the future when you find out that every guy wears blue jeans, and this guy happens to like your best friend.
- Stay patient and wait for the guy to come after you...Believe it or not, we like to choose, and the pursuit/hunt for the girl we like is our favorite part. So make it a challenge
- You know who you are...You say things like, "Of course I like the Cincinnati Browns!" and, "You're not fat, you're just really strong!" or my favorite, "I love your shoes...".
- Well, for one, we're not buying it, and two...it doesn't matter if the Browns are from Cleveland when you smile like that....dangit! I mean, it is not fair for you to lie to us and then demand honesty. Play fair...
-This is one that I've never understood. The scenario: Guy doesn't like girl, guy treats girl like crap, girl falls in love with guy, guy takes advantage because it's easy...What has happened to our society? Because I know you're all reading this nodding your head saying, "yeah, that happens all the time."
- I blame movies.
- Girls, please don't fall for a guy just because he shows you some attention. Wait for a guy who treats you like a princess, and who wants to be with you.
-Matt
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Today was Ridiculous: A Rant...
So something happened to me today that actually upset me a little bit. I'm not an easy person to irritate, so you can imagine my surprise as the endorphins kicked in, and I felt the urge to punch another individual in the mouth.
The truth is, I am partly at fault for this entire fiasco happening in the first place. You see, I just recently graduated from college, I've been working full-time, I've been very sick, I injured my knee, and I am frantically searching for a new place to live. Needless to say, a few of my things are still in my old room on campus at Ecclesia College. This is my fault, and I've been working my butt off to get them moved. Also, I've been in close contact with the correct people at Ecclesia to ensure that it was still okay that I haven't been able to find a new home for my possessions.
So here's what went down. This morning, a gentleman whom I used to live with in one of the apartments that the school owns (and where my things currently reside) texted me to talk about the items that are still in my old room. I told him that I'd been in contact with the school and unless he'd heard specifically from *person who will remain anonymous*, and had new information, he had no need to worry about it. I also added that I was at work and shouldn't be texting, much less making personal phone calls on my boss' dime. I guess this guy wasn't too pleased with my response, read my texts out of context, or felt like I was being demeaning because he got the bright idea to come to where I work to attempt to teach me a lesson.
This guy shows up while I'm putting together a proposal for a potential client and begins the "conversation" by saying, "I just came up here to let you know that I was trying to reach out to you kindly, and you responded like a child and were very demeaning." Well, for starters, I'll be honest. After the fifth text that I received from him that didn't tell me what he wanted from me...I may have gotten a little demeaning. I mean, if you're going to tell me that you need to talk to me via a text message, then be prepared to have a full conversation that way. Don't text me and then tell me you refuse to have a conversation through text...that's retarded. Especially when what you have to tell me will take you less than 160 characters worth of english.
So, he comes to where I work and opens with that line that obviously made me super excited to see him, and then he proceeds to act like I had committed some unforgivable crime against his apparently fragile pride. I was just remaining calm, because Iwas at my desk in the lobby where I work, and he was getting so mad that he was literally shaking and stuttering through what he was trying to say. My very first question to him, and one that I had asked him through text message earlier was, "Have you talked to *anonymous person* and asked her about my situation so that you understand where I'm coming from, and what the school has offered me?" He replied, "yes". I found out about two second into our conversation that he had obviously lied to me. He had no clue what he was talking about or what I had discussed with the school, and the more I cited emails I had traded with Ecclesia, the more angry he became. After about two minutes of him accusing and threatening me, I asked him to take the conversation outside because I was starting to get irritated that he thought it was okay for him to just walk into a respected place of business and talk the way he was talking.
Outside, he and I traded a few more words, and I expressed to him once again that I had no time for his ignorant accusations and name-calling (by the way, do you guys think of me as being childish?). He spat a few more insults my way and then final walked away with a huff and a threat to go and move all of my belongings. I calmly walked back inside, made one phone call to the wonderful people who I had been talking to before. Had them shut him down, and I requested that he not be allowed to ever touch my things since he's mad at me and I have very expensive items sitting in that room.
Through all of this, I wasn't upset with the name-calling, accusations, threats, or even the ignorance of the situation that he exhibited. I was seriously upset that he thought that it was okay for him to just walk into a place where somebody works and talk the way he did. I mean seriously, how does a late twenty-something guy who works as a wait-assistant at a restaurant, bums off a broke school that hired him because of his brother, and still sits on his butt playing his Playstation 2 every night get it in his head that it's okay for him to go and jeopardize someones' who's trying career?. You really have to be pretty narcissistic, rude, and self-conscious to allow a couple text messages to hurt your pride so badly that you feel the need to go to someone's job while they are working and try to give them a piece of your mind...I mean seriously, it really bothers me that some people don't try at all to succeed in life; yet, they feel like they have the right to tell everyone else that they're wrong. I work hard, and I have been trying endlessly to get my things off campus. Yet, this guy has the nerve to come to me and tell me that I'm a free-loader and a child who needs to grow up (mind you he says this while I'm at my full-time day job)?
Ridiculous...(Just for the record, I added a wonderful 500 word rant about Ecclesia here, but decided to take it out because even though I was correct in what I wrote; it wasn't appropriate for this post. Almost as inappropriate as getting offended by a text message that you misread, going to someone's job, and making ignorant accusations and empty threats)...
Okay, rant over...
-Matt
The truth is, I am partly at fault for this entire fiasco happening in the first place. You see, I just recently graduated from college, I've been working full-time, I've been very sick, I injured my knee, and I am frantically searching for a new place to live. Needless to say, a few of my things are still in my old room on campus at Ecclesia College. This is my fault, and I've been working my butt off to get them moved. Also, I've been in close contact with the correct people at Ecclesia to ensure that it was still okay that I haven't been able to find a new home for my possessions.
So here's what went down. This morning, a gentleman whom I used to live with in one of the apartments that the school owns (and where my things currently reside) texted me to talk about the items that are still in my old room. I told him that I'd been in contact with the school and unless he'd heard specifically from *person who will remain anonymous*, and had new information, he had no need to worry about it. I also added that I was at work and shouldn't be texting, much less making personal phone calls on my boss' dime. I guess this guy wasn't too pleased with my response, read my texts out of context, or felt like I was being demeaning because he got the bright idea to come to where I work to attempt to teach me a lesson.
This guy shows up while I'm putting together a proposal for a potential client and begins the "conversation" by saying, "I just came up here to let you know that I was trying to reach out to you kindly, and you responded like a child and were very demeaning." Well, for starters, I'll be honest. After the fifth text that I received from him that didn't tell me what he wanted from me...I may have gotten a little demeaning. I mean, if you're going to tell me that you need to talk to me via a text message, then be prepared to have a full conversation that way. Don't text me and then tell me you refuse to have a conversation through text...that's retarded. Especially when what you have to tell me will take you less than 160 characters worth of english.
So, he comes to where I work and opens with that line that obviously made me super excited to see him, and then he proceeds to act like I had committed some unforgivable crime against his apparently fragile pride. I was just remaining calm, because Iwas at my desk in the lobby where I work, and he was getting so mad that he was literally shaking and stuttering through what he was trying to say. My very first question to him, and one that I had asked him through text message earlier was, "Have you talked to *anonymous person* and asked her about my situation so that you understand where I'm coming from, and what the school has offered me?" He replied, "yes". I found out about two second into our conversation that he had obviously lied to me. He had no clue what he was talking about or what I had discussed with the school, and the more I cited emails I had traded with Ecclesia, the more angry he became. After about two minutes of him accusing and threatening me, I asked him to take the conversation outside because I was starting to get irritated that he thought it was okay for him to just walk into a respected place of business and talk the way he was talking.
Outside, he and I traded a few more words, and I expressed to him once again that I had no time for his ignorant accusations and name-calling (by the way, do you guys think of me as being childish?). He spat a few more insults my way and then final walked away with a huff and a threat to go and move all of my belongings. I calmly walked back inside, made one phone call to the wonderful people who I had been talking to before. Had them shut him down, and I requested that he not be allowed to ever touch my things since he's mad at me and I have very expensive items sitting in that room.
Through all of this, I wasn't upset with the name-calling, accusations, threats, or even the ignorance of the situation that he exhibited. I was seriously upset that he thought that it was okay for him to just walk into a place where somebody works and talk the way he did. I mean seriously, how does a late twenty-something guy who works as a wait-assistant at a restaurant, bums off a broke school that hired him because of his brother, and still sits on his butt playing his Playstation 2 every night get it in his head that it's okay for him to go and jeopardize someones' who's trying career?. You really have to be pretty narcissistic, rude, and self-conscious to allow a couple text messages to hurt your pride so badly that you feel the need to go to someone's job while they are working and try to give them a piece of your mind...I mean seriously, it really bothers me that some people don't try at all to succeed in life; yet, they feel like they have the right to tell everyone else that they're wrong. I work hard, and I have been trying endlessly to get my things off campus. Yet, this guy has the nerve to come to me and tell me that I'm a free-loader and a child who needs to grow up (mind you he says this while I'm at my full-time day job)?
Ridiculous...(Just for the record, I added a wonderful 500 word rant about Ecclesia here, but decided to take it out because even though I was correct in what I wrote; it wasn't appropriate for this post. Almost as inappropriate as getting offended by a text message that you misread, going to someone's job, and making ignorant accusations and empty threats)...
Okay, rant over...
-Matt
Friday, January 21, 2011
Do You Smell That? That's the Bittersweet Smell of Nostalgia...
So, I'm a firm believer that everybody over the age of 16, in one way or another, lives their life in search of the perfect nostalgic moment. We all desire to relive those happy memories from our childhood when we didn't have any responsibilities, financial obligations, or appearances to keep up. You know the bittersweet desire to achieve a resemblance of the past resides within all of us. But what does yours look like? What is your perfect nostalgic moment?
Mine?. . .That's easy.
My perfect nostalgic moment actually takes a full 24 hours to complete. It consists of me waking up to go to Bible Study and then from there, spending my morning at the First Tee golf course in Little Rock, AR with my bro, Jim Stallings. He and I tear up the course from the back tees and enjoy a Pepsi Blue in the club house. From there, we go to the Rave theater and watch a crappy movie with Chris Keathley, MST3K it, and then grab some Wendys for lunch. By this time in the day, we'll already be making jokes about all of our home schooled friends. In my perfect nostalgic scenario, we would run into a few of the particularly frustrating ones and have some fun messing with them on our way to hike up Pinnacle - The glorified hill of central Arkansas. After Pinnacle, we'd be very hungry again, so I'd go and snag some free pizzas from Little Caesars out in Maumelle, because I am still the reigning Caesar Pope(Long story, please don't try to follow all the inside jokes). We'd eat the pizza while riding around in Chris' 4-banger (RIP) listening to some Dashboard, Jimmy, and the greatest song in the world. Somewhere along the way, Jeff and David would find us, which would be odd because we didn't tell Jeff where we were going to be. With the night still young and the sun about to set, we would gather together to play some Halo. After a couple games, we'd decide to pop in a movie, in this case, Mystery Men, and out of nowhere, Ben would show up. We'd quote the entire movie together and discuss why Jim doesn't like it, and why he'd rather be watching Gladiator. After the movie, we'd hop on the computer and get some music going - probably something by Incubus - Chris would introduce us to some fan films, and we'd all discuss whatever current script or fad we're all working on. After all of this, there's only one thing left for us to do...Swap some Man Stories, which we would later dub, "Man Talks" since we never actually had stories and it was all just blind conjecture into our potential love lives. Oh and in the morning...you know that I'd wake up before Chris, and just after Jim sneaked out, to make everyone waffles...
This is my nostalgic moment...Tell me yours.
-Matt
Mine?. . .That's easy.
My perfect nostalgic moment actually takes a full 24 hours to complete. It consists of me waking up to go to Bible Study and then from there, spending my morning at the First Tee golf course in Little Rock, AR with my bro, Jim Stallings. He and I tear up the course from the back tees and enjoy a Pepsi Blue in the club house. From there, we go to the Rave theater and watch a crappy movie with Chris Keathley, MST3K it, and then grab some Wendys for lunch. By this time in the day, we'll already be making jokes about all of our home schooled friends. In my perfect nostalgic scenario, we would run into a few of the particularly frustrating ones and have some fun messing with them on our way to hike up Pinnacle - The glorified hill of central Arkansas. After Pinnacle, we'd be very hungry again, so I'd go and snag some free pizzas from Little Caesars out in Maumelle, because I am still the reigning Caesar Pope(Long story, please don't try to follow all the inside jokes). We'd eat the pizza while riding around in Chris' 4-banger (RIP) listening to some Dashboard, Jimmy, and the greatest song in the world. Somewhere along the way, Jeff and David would find us, which would be odd because we didn't tell Jeff where we were going to be. With the night still young and the sun about to set, we would gather together to play some Halo. After a couple games, we'd decide to pop in a movie, in this case, Mystery Men, and out of nowhere, Ben would show up. We'd quote the entire movie together and discuss why Jim doesn't like it, and why he'd rather be watching Gladiator. After the movie, we'd hop on the computer and get some music going - probably something by Incubus - Chris would introduce us to some fan films, and we'd all discuss whatever current script or fad we're all working on. After all of this, there's only one thing left for us to do...Swap some Man Stories, which we would later dub, "Man Talks" since we never actually had stories and it was all just blind conjecture into our potential love lives. Oh and in the morning...you know that I'd wake up before Chris, and just after Jim sneaked out, to make everyone waffles...
This is my nostalgic moment...Tell me yours.
-Matt
Thursday, January 20, 2011
New Blog Idea: Would You Read?
So, I'm trying to decide if I should start a new blog. I really want to start a blog dedicated to movie, video game, CD, and television show reviews & suggestions.
My concern is that nobody would read this new blog, and I do not want to start something that isn't going to go anywhere.
So, like the link on my facebook or leave a comment here if you'd read it or at least be interested in reading.
Thanks,
-Matt
My concern is that nobody would read this new blog, and I do not want to start something that isn't going to go anywhere.
So, like the link on my facebook or leave a comment here if you'd read it or at least be interested in reading.
Thanks,
-Matt
Monday, January 17, 2011
I Think I May Have a Problem Here...
There are only a few things that have had a great impact on my life. My family, where I grew up, my friends, music, movies, video games, and now, Coffee. Coffee has revolutionized the way I drink, and has taken me far beyond the dimly lit realm of soda pop. This glorious brewed bean has become more than just something I drink. It has become an event that I gladly partake in each day. I think I may be hooked.
Now, I'm no stranger to coffee, and this phenomena is not exactly new to me. Coffee has been a part of my family for years, and until recently, my mother drank coffee every day (finally kicked the habit). I know a lot about coffee from what I've heard in casual conversation and lightly drinking throughout my life. So, I know how to order what I like. Also, I've always enjoyed coffee, but I never thought I'd want to drink it every day. Well, my time has come and I am now a coffee drinker.
So, you may be wondering, "why the sudden change?" The answer is simple, peer pressure. Yes, I have succumbed to the peer pressure of my co-workers and they have played a pivotal role in bringing me over to the dark side (although I do use creamer). It started off as a kind gesture, offering me a cup of coffee from the morning pot. Sometimes I would decline, sometimes I would have a cup, but I was never consistent. Then one day I noticed that the community pot of coffee was a little more full than usual, suggesting that I was now expected to have a cup of joe. So, to be polite, I poured myself a cup, added three sugars, a small amount of hazelnut cream, and walked back to my desk. This happened for a few days in a row before I realized what was going on. So,the next morning, I decided to make myself a nice cup of Earl Grey instead, and went about my business as usual. I took my lunch break that day at noon, like I always do, and found myself driving all the way into Fayetteville (I work in Har-Ber Meadows) to get some Starbucks. It worked out because I got Chik fil' a, but it was in that moment that I realized I may have a problem. A short while later, Arsagas opened up their Springdale location a few stores down from us and stole what was left of my will to resist the powers of the java gods (no, I don't really believe in "java gods").
I am now a coffee drinker and I am not ashamed. I am going to limit how much I drink because I have a goal to lose a little bit of weight over the next few months, but it is going to be difficult. I highly recommend Arsagas to anyone who has not been there yet. They have a great house blend and keep other great blends brewed all day long. Also, their prices are very good! For those of you who do not drink coffee; that is completely fine. I will not judge you if you promise not to judge me for my new found drinking habit.
-Matt
Now, I'm no stranger to coffee, and this phenomena is not exactly new to me. Coffee has been a part of my family for years, and until recently, my mother drank coffee every day (finally kicked the habit). I know a lot about coffee from what I've heard in casual conversation and lightly drinking throughout my life. So, I know how to order what I like. Also, I've always enjoyed coffee, but I never thought I'd want to drink it every day. Well, my time has come and I am now a coffee drinker.
So, you may be wondering, "why the sudden change?" The answer is simple, peer pressure. Yes, I have succumbed to the peer pressure of my co-workers and they have played a pivotal role in bringing me over to the dark side (although I do use creamer). It started off as a kind gesture, offering me a cup of coffee from the morning pot. Sometimes I would decline, sometimes I would have a cup, but I was never consistent. Then one day I noticed that the community pot of coffee was a little more full than usual, suggesting that I was now expected to have a cup of joe. So, to be polite, I poured myself a cup, added three sugars, a small amount of hazelnut cream, and walked back to my desk. This happened for a few days in a row before I realized what was going on. So,the next morning, I decided to make myself a nice cup of Earl Grey instead, and went about my business as usual. I took my lunch break that day at noon, like I always do, and found myself driving all the way into Fayetteville (I work in Har-Ber Meadows) to get some Starbucks. It worked out because I got Chik fil' a, but it was in that moment that I realized I may have a problem. A short while later, Arsagas opened up their Springdale location a few stores down from us and stole what was left of my will to resist the powers of the java gods (no, I don't really believe in "java gods").
I am now a coffee drinker and I am not ashamed. I am going to limit how much I drink because I have a goal to lose a little bit of weight over the next few months, but it is going to be difficult. I highly recommend Arsagas to anyone who has not been there yet. They have a great house blend and keep other great blends brewed all day long. Also, their prices are very good! For those of you who do not drink coffee; that is completely fine. I will not judge you if you promise not to judge me for my new found drinking habit.
-Matt
Friday, January 14, 2011
Change is My favorite Inevitibility of Life
I posted a few days back that I don't believe in making New Years Resolutions. What I said was true, I don't make big goals for each year just because it is a new year. Rather, I like to set small goals for myself daily - keeping the future in mind so that I don't loose sight of the bigger picture; which is God's will for my life.
Goal setting is a great way to achieve progress in any area of your life, and I have seen my productivity improve greatly by just setting a few very small goals. Throughout the past eighteen months, I have been intentionally setting goals for myself. I have seen quite a few failures, and I have seen some success along the way. The good news is that I learned from all of the failures and grew from the successes. Here are 10 things that I have accomplished:
1. Graduated from college a semester early.
2. Read my Bible cover-to-cover twice (not counting class-work).
3. I read 75 books last year (Not counting the Bible).
4. I have significantly cut down the number of hours spent on my Xbox.
5. I filled 9 journals with writing.
6. I went to Turkey
7. Made a lot of new friends (May not sound like a big accomplishment, but it is something I'm working on).
8. I'm a lot happier and content with where God has me in life.
9. I found a full-time job that I really enjoy.
10. I have made it to the point where I am making enough money to live on my own (Still working on getting all of my things out of my Parent's house...Soon mom, I promise). ;-)
Now, for most of you, these may not seem like great accomplishments at all. That's fine! I'm not you and you're not me. God is using each of us in different ways, and I think that is very cool. These accomplishments are all the direct result of me making small goals, and each of them has contributed towards growing me into a more faithful man. I am a firm believer that setting goals is one of the best way to improve your life if you just remember to start small and keep God as your priority.
The goal I set for myself this week (and for the rest of my life) came directly from Colossians Chapter 3. Paul wrote to the church of Colosse, "Set you mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth" (Colossian 3:2). That has been my goal and it has not been easy. However, it has been very beneficial. Re-directing my focus back to God's word and His plan for my life has reinvigorated my joy and has given me more energy than I've had in awhile. I had almost forgotten where my strength and ability come from, but God is good, and I pray that He will redeem the time I spent out of focus.
A Few Questions:
1.What kind of goals have you set for yourself?
2.Do you think setting goals can be useful?
3.Do you find it hard to set goals for yourself?
-Matt
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Concerning a Dream That Was Rather Concerning...
Last night I had a dream. I do not dream very often because I am usually unable to stay asleep long enough to dream. However, last night I had a dream. My dream was unlike any other dream I've ever had, but it is very difficult to tangibly explain why.
For me, a normal dream consists of vague images and surface-level conversations that tend to happen in reality, but hold no weight on important future events. In fact, the only reason most of them find a place in reality is probably because I over-analyze everything and forced those situations/conversations by manipulation via the use of a structured questioning pattern. Am I the only one out there that carefully plans conversations?. . .Is that a normal thing to do?
Anyways, my dream last night was very different. It was vivid, I remember every detail. It involved in-depth conversation, and quite a few bold statements about my future. It also included a few other people. The first two do not concern me but the last one does. I refuse to explain the events that took place in the dream (don't let your imagination run wild, it was nothing inappropriate) because I don't quite know what to make of it yet. I guess the only reason I'm writing about it at all is because the vividness of the dream seriously concerned me. Not necessarily in a bad way because it was not something to be afraid of. I think the concern I have comes from the enormity of what took place in the dream. But to be really honest, my true concern is in this dream's potential to manifest into reality...
I have a lot to think about and consider...
-Matt
For me, a normal dream consists of vague images and surface-level conversations that tend to happen in reality, but hold no weight on important future events. In fact, the only reason most of them find a place in reality is probably because I over-analyze everything and forced those situations/conversations by manipulation via the use of a structured questioning pattern. Am I the only one out there that carefully plans conversations?. . .Is that a normal thing to do?
Anyways, my dream last night was very different. It was vivid, I remember every detail. It involved in-depth conversation, and quite a few bold statements about my future. It also included a few other people. The first two do not concern me but the last one does. I refuse to explain the events that took place in the dream (don't let your imagination run wild, it was nothing inappropriate) because I don't quite know what to make of it yet. I guess the only reason I'm writing about it at all is because the vividness of the dream seriously concerned me. Not necessarily in a bad way because it was not something to be afraid of. I think the concern I have comes from the enormity of what took place in the dream. But to be really honest, my true concern is in this dream's potential to manifest into reality...
I have a lot to think about and consider...
-Matt
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Solomon and His Bride
The Song of Solomon is one of the most intriguing allegories ever written. Just kidding, actually, the Song of Solomon happens to be one of the most intriguing love poems ever written. The title of this book is often debated; however, the writer is going to refer to it as The Song of Solomon in order to reaffirm his belief that Solomon is in fact the author of “The Song of Songs.” Solomon’s name is mentioned seven times throughout the book (1:1, 5; 3:7, 9,11; 8:11, 12), and the very first verse says, “The Song of Songs, which is Solomon’s” (NASB).[1] If this is not enough evidence that Solomon is the author, then the writer would love to hear another perspective that makes more sense. The book itself is a poem, written by Solomon, to his Shulamite bride whom he loved dearly. The poem was most likely written during the early part of Solomon’s reign, and would place the dating of this book at around the year 965 B.C.[2] However, in light of Solomon’s exemplary writing skills, musical giftedness, and wisdom (I Kg. 4:32); this poem could have been written at any time during Solomon’s time as the king.[3] The Song of Solomon encourages and praises the virtues of love between a husband and wife. The book can be separated into three distinct sections that Dr. Thomas L. Constable explains thoroughly in work entitled, Notes on the Song of Solomon.[4]
The first section is the courtship (1:2 – 3:5). This section of Solomon’s poem gives the reader a much better understanding of Solomon’s humanity. He may have been the wisest man on Earth, but Solomon still felt and operated the same way that any male who has just met the girl of his dreams would. It also shows the reader Solomon’s bride’s desire to be pursued (1:2-4), her passion for purity (2:7), and she even gives the reader a glimpse of her insecurity (1:5-8).[5] This courtship section of Solomon’s poem presents a healthy model of a relationship in its beginning stage. The second chapter of The Song of Solomon is one of the greatest passages to study for a person who is committed to remaining pure. A very well known verse, spoken by the Shulamite bride, says, “I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or by the hinds of the field, that you do not arouse or awaken my love until she pleases” (NASB).[6] This passage explicitly expresses her commitment to a chaste life before and during marriage. The bride also invites accountability to the “daughters of Jerusalem” which reaffirms her fervor for purity. Later, in the same chapter, Solomon said, “Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that are ruining the vineyards, while our vineyards are in blossom”[7] (NASB). Conceivably, as she most likely did remove the foxes in the vineyard, Solomon wanted her to do the same, by way of analogy, in their relationship. In other words, Solomon was suggesting that they remove those things in their relationship that would spoil their emerging love before their marriage.
The second section that Dr. Constable explains in his work is called “The Wedding”5 (3:6 – 5:1). The second major section portrays the king (Solomon) actually coming for his bride and their return to Jerusalem (3:6-11).[8] This section also includes the wedding (4:1-7), and the couple’s consummation of their marriage (4:8-5:1). The procession described at the beginning of the second section is very grand. Solomon is said to have come on a “traveling couch surrounded by “sixty mighty men.”[9] It is suggested that the wedding takes place in verses 4:1-7. The reason these verses are believed to contain the wedding is because, until 3:11, there had been no hint of a wedding or marriage; so, the scenario of events maintains the idea that 1:2-3:5 refers to the premarital days of the relationship. The wedding and love life that followed is rehearsed in 4:1ff. There are several reasons that support this explanation: 1) Again, “wedding” is not mentioned before 3:11. 2) “Bride” does not show up before 4:8 and then is mentioned six times from 4:8-5:1. 3) Before 4:1, the beloved has a holy fixation with sexual purity/restraint (cf. 2:7; 3:5), but not afterwards within the bonds of holy matrimony.[10]
The third and final definable section of the Song of Solomon is the transition from marriage into what Dr. Constable calls “The Maturing Process.”[11] In this section, he explains how sometime after the wedding, a problem of apathy entered into the marriage. Solomon and his Shulamite wife experience their first argument (5:2-6:3), and learn to reconcile with each other (6:4-8:14). The cause of the argument was the Shulamite’s “failure to respond in an encouraging manor to Solomon’s demonstration of affection,” says Dr. Constable.11 Constable goes on to explain how her actions led Solomon to remove himself from her, and how she eventually noticed that a wall of separation had come between them; hindering their intimacy. When the bride realized her error, she told her friends to tell her husband, if they saw him, that she wanted him to come back to her because she missed his love for her.[12] The first steps back towards the reconciliation between Solomon and his bride take place in the latter portion of chapter five (5:9-16). In these verses, the Shulamite bride speaks of her admiration for her husband, and by the beginning of chapter six, the daughters of Jerusalem are prepared to go looking for Solomon with her (6:1-3). Once found, Solomon’s first words to his wife were words of praise (6:4-13), and intimacy was restored once more in their relationship. After their first argument and reconciliation, Solomon and his beloved begin to learn how to communicate with each other on both a physical and emotional level by using compliments. An example: “The soft glance of her eyes reflects the peace and beauty of the Heshbon pools” (7:4). It is obvious that their love for each other matured over time. The unity and devotion they experienced as they continued together is a wonderful model of the covenant style marriage God designed for His children. During this time in his life, Solomon was a faithful and committed husband with one wife whom he loved and pursued daily. At least for a time, his focus was centered on God and his marriage was a reflection of his love for his Lord.
The Song of Solomon is truly one of the most intriguing love poems ever written. It depicts a relationship that is as passionate as it is cautious, and honors God throughout its entirety (as far as the reader knows). The way that Solomon pursues his bride, all joking aside, is in many ways allegorical for the way God wants His children to pursue Him. The covenant of marriage is very similar (if not identical) to the covenant that Christians have with God. The love, passion, pursuit, and submission that is involved in a marriage should also be the model for how a believer approaches his/her relationship with God. The Song of Solomon is the Biblical model of what a healthy relationship should look like, whether it is our relationship with a future/current spouse, or with God.
Works Cited
Constable, Dr. THomas L. Notes on Song of Solomon. Rep. 2010 ed. Web.
Macarthur Study Bible. Nelson Bibles, 2007. Print.
Foot Notes
[1]Song of Solomon 1:1; NASB
[2] John Macarthur (P. 923, Macarthur Study Bible)
[3] I Kings 4:32; NASB
[4] Dr. Thomas L. Constable, 2010
[5] Dr. Thomas L. Constable; Notes on Song of Solomon, p. 7
[6] The Song of Solomon 2:7; NASB
[7] Song of Solomon 2:15; NASB
[8] Macarthur Commentary, p. 928;
[9] The Song of Solomon 3:7; NASB
[10] Macarthur p. 928
[11] Dr. Thomas L. Constable, p. 22
[12] The Song of Solomon 5:8; NASB
-Matthew Roop
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