Another Seven Days, Another Set of Challenges

I'm trying to find the words to describe the last seven days of my life, but this week was much to complicated to simplify with just a couple words. God has challenged just about every area of my life this week, and He's wearing me out! This race that I usually refer to as life has changed from the speed-walking marathon into the steeplechase.

God has been doing a lot of work in my heart lately, and this week He really challenged my willingness to remain single. I am not looking for a relationship right now and I have no intentions of being in a relationship for quite some time. Unfortunately, I'm still human and it just so happens that I'm lonely. God used this week to remind me that even though I am lonely, I don't need to be in a relationship to fill that void in my life. All I need is God, and all He wants is all of me. Besides, I'm not alone by any means. God has given me a couple of amazing friends, and I can't even begin to describe how thankful I am for them. Melanie and Jim, thanks for always being there for me; you two are the best.

Another area that God is addressing in my life is my relationship with my dad. I mentioned in my last post that it's been getting much worse, and I gotta be honest and say that it's as much my fault as it is my dad's that we don't get along. I hold a lot against my dad, and I am unfair to him as a son. I guess I have a hard time believing that he cares about me now since he never seemed to in the past, and even though I love him, I just can't stand being around him. There is a lot of healing that needs to take place between us, and I don't know where to begin because he and I don't even talk anymore. Please continue to pray for our relationship...We're both very stubborn and prideful, and even though we both make efforts to reconcile; things never seem to get better.

God is so good.

~Matt

Tough Times

"In my darkest time, it's just enough to know you're there." -Jimmy Eat World



While that song is in no way of Christian origins or influence; it is a simple reminder of how good it is to have a God who stays close. My good friends already know about the problems between my dad and I, but writing about my struggles helps think through the decisions that inevitably come with hard times. The decision on the table today is whether or not I need to move out of my house. I'll say up front that I think moving out would be the best decision for myself and my family right now, but I'm not 100% sure and I'm waiting for a definite answer from Jesus right now.

The reason I'm being forced to make this decision is because my relationship with my dad is at it's breaking point. I have become my dad's favorite target when he's having a stressful week, and now the stress level in my home is at an all-time high. My dad and I no longer have conversations, we can't talk to each other without him getting offended or yelling at me, and I feel like he has unfair expectations for me. The pressure that I feel when I'm home is unreal, and I spend most of my time trying to figure out how I can avoid my parents. I'm finding out that I can't handle being my dad's scapegoat any longer, and the extra stress involved takes a serious toll on my ability to focus and my schoolwork. Like I said above, I still don't know if I'm supposed to move out, but I don't know how I'll be able to make it through this summer living at home. Please pray for me...

~Matt

A Week Summarized...

So, I noticed that I haven't written on here in about a week, and an interesting week it's been. I need to go to bed pretty soon here, but I'll go ahead and try to sum up my week here in a couple of sentences. This week has been challenging, hilarious, fun, difficult, and I most certainly think it was one of the most interesting weeks of my life. Because I'm learning, happy, lonely, and feel so loved right now. I have been studying, working, playing, relaxing, hiding, and avoiding being set up by my friends...That last one could turn out to be a pretty funny story. it definitly has been a very interesting week.

~Matt

Joy and Church

I am in such a good mood today! The Lord has put a joy in my heart that I haven't experienced in a long time. I feel like Moses today after he came back from his forty days on the mountian with the Lord (except it hasn't been that long, and my face isn't glowing...I think). I thought injuring my leg this week was going to be a downer, but it has done wonders for my morale. School has been easier, I'm sleeping better at night, and I feel much happier now that I don't have to go to my awful job (not to mention I may be starting a much better job soon). It just amazes me how the Lord uses seemingly awful situations for good, and for His glory. The pain of the leg injury just reminds me of how much Jesus loves me, and for that reminder I would walk a hundred miles on this leg.

I was able to go to my new church's college/singles ministry again last night, and it was so good! The pastor talked about a lot of things (he talked for over an hour) including: being a servant leader, crying out to the Lord for our needs, prayer and humility, and being humble while we pray. It was all good stuff, and I learned a lot about myself, but I think my favorite part of last night was after the message. I stayed for about an hour after the message just talking to people, and getting to know everyone (kind of a hobby of mine). They were all so nice, and I met a few fellow Minnesotans, who in turn, offered to let me come over to watch hockey. Now those are the kind of friends I'm looking for. ;-) I am so thankful to have a place where I can go to and fellowship with other believers. Jesus has been very faithful in that area of my life.

~Matt

A Lesson in Temptation

The beauty of temptation is that there is always an opportunity to resist it in order to honor God. I am typically weak when it comes to temptation and I often cave under its pressure, but this was a ground-breaking week for me. In the area of temptation this was one of the hardest weeks of my life. I've been faced with old struggles as well as new ones that have tried to sneak into my life and tear me apart; however, this time it was different. This week (with a lot of help from my friends) I was able to say no to all of the temptations and handle all of the trials; even when making the right decision hurt. I've learned this week that even when I think something could be very good and beneficial; I need to be willing to give it up when God asks me too. It hurts, I'm a little upset with God (we argue a lot), and I definitly won't be able to understand what God is doing for awhile, but I trust Him and I love Him enough to do what He asks me to do. I learned a lot this week without even realizing it, and now I feel so much closer to Jesus. The Lord works in mysterious ways, and I'm thankful that He feels I'm ready to be tested and tried.
~Matt