December 26th is one of the best days of the year. It's the day where we all just sit back, relax, and play with our new stuff. This year my day after Christmas will consist of me installing software onto my new computer, playing some Modern Warfare 2, and resting. There is a good chance that I'll be going to the movie theatre with some friends to see "Sherlock Holmes" this afternoon, and I might even get up the energy to write up a business plan that I've needed to get done for about a month now. December 26th is always a fun day, and it is always a productive day; thus, making it one of the best days of the year.
However you're spending your December 26th, I hope you have a wonderful day.
God Bless,
-Matt
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Congratulations Jim and Samantha...Am I next?
Finals are over and they took their toll on me physically. I did very well this semester; in fact, this was my best semester academically, so far. Last Wednesday, immediately following my last final exam, I hopped in my car and drove home to Little Rock to meet my best friend and a crew of guys to go to Memphis for My best Bro's Bachelor party. While in Memphis, we ate some BBQ at BB Kings and walked around for awhile before leaving for Tunica, MS. Tunica was good times, but after a couple hours we decided that we could have more fun in Memphis, and drove back to Tennessee. We made it back to Memphis with no plan, except to have an amazing time, and an amazing time we did have. I am not at liberty to expound on the events that took place in Memphis, but I will say that it was one of the most fun nights that I have ever experienced.
The day after the Bachelor party, we left for Colorado to have the wedding. The road trip was great, and the couple days before the wedding were so much fun. We definitely created some memories and new inside jokes that will never be forgotten.
The wedding was today and it was perfect. The casual setting complimented the bride and groom's personalities perfectly, and the fact that it was small did not have any effect on their marriage. Samantha looked beautiful and it was easy to see that even Jim was blown away by the enormity of the moment. The "I Do's" were spoken and the champagne bottles were popped open for the toasts, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't get a little choked up during mine. I had so many things that I wanted to say, but all of them led back to one thing. Every word that I could have spoken would have come back to how much I love and appreciate Jim as my best friend and brother. I pray that he will stand beside me on my wedding day as well when God brings a wonderful woman like Samantha into my life, and I pray that I will have the same amount of character and class that my best bro has.
So, one wedding down and one more to go. My older sister Anna gets married to Christopher Kay on January 4th, and I can't wait. Anna is the greatest older sister that any brother could have ever asked for, and I am so happy for her and her future husband. Now it just seems like it's my turn to get married. Who knows...maybe I'm next? I wouldn't have a problem with that at all. After what I wrote a few posts down I did quite a bit of self evaluation and I came to the conclusion that I was wrong about a few things. The truth is that I am ready for marriage...I'm just too stinking hard on myself. So, from now on I'm lightening up. I'm still going to study hard and keep my priorities straight, but I'm going to throw out the old complaining and pessimistic me, and bring in the new still realistic but much more happy me.
All that being said: Congratulations Jim and Samantha. I love you both very much, and please know that I am praying for you two all the time. Come to me if you ever need anything, and I'll be more than happy to help...Have fun in Jamaica.
-Matt
The day after the Bachelor party, we left for Colorado to have the wedding. The road trip was great, and the couple days before the wedding were so much fun. We definitely created some memories and new inside jokes that will never be forgotten.
The wedding was today and it was perfect. The casual setting complimented the bride and groom's personalities perfectly, and the fact that it was small did not have any effect on their marriage. Samantha looked beautiful and it was easy to see that even Jim was blown away by the enormity of the moment. The "I Do's" were spoken and the champagne bottles were popped open for the toasts, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't get a little choked up during mine. I had so many things that I wanted to say, but all of them led back to one thing. Every word that I could have spoken would have come back to how much I love and appreciate Jim as my best friend and brother. I pray that he will stand beside me on my wedding day as well when God brings a wonderful woman like Samantha into my life, and I pray that I will have the same amount of character and class that my best bro has.
So, one wedding down and one more to go. My older sister Anna gets married to Christopher Kay on January 4th, and I can't wait. Anna is the greatest older sister that any brother could have ever asked for, and I am so happy for her and her future husband. Now it just seems like it's my turn to get married. Who knows...maybe I'm next? I wouldn't have a problem with that at all. After what I wrote a few posts down I did quite a bit of self evaluation and I came to the conclusion that I was wrong about a few things. The truth is that I am ready for marriage...I'm just too stinking hard on myself. So, from now on I'm lightening up. I'm still going to study hard and keep my priorities straight, but I'm going to throw out the old complaining and pessimistic me, and bring in the new still realistic but much more happy me.
All that being said: Congratulations Jim and Samantha. I love you both very much, and please know that I am praying for you two all the time. Come to me if you ever need anything, and I'll be more than happy to help...Have fun in Jamaica.
-Matt
Thursday, December 10, 2009
The Battle That Rages
My final project for my Biblical Foundations of worship class was to write a paper and give a presentation on Worship as a form of Spiritual Warfare. Here is the paper I wrote.
The Battle That Rages
The line has been drawn, and the resounding sound of the war drums is dominating the air over the battle field. On one side of the field we find man, struggling and striving to do what is good and pleasing in the sight of their Lord, Jesus Christ. However, on the other side of the field we find a very tough adversary, “the god of this world” (2 co 4:4), “the prince of the power of the air” (Eph 2:2), and “the ruler of the demons” (Lk 11:15). Satan stands confident in the face of the human army. Ready and waiting for one of them to fall; he begins whispering words of doubt and deceit toward the massive line of connected shields on the human side of the field. He knows that their defense is only as good as their weakest comrade, and he intends to attack whomever he feels will fall fastest. The battle begins and the fiery darts of the enemy begin to fly through the air with a vicious animosity towards the human lines, but they fail to do any damage as they bounce off the human’s perfectly handled shields. However, the damage done is not physical, but rather, the darts strike a chord of fear in some of the men’s hearts and they turn and run from the battle; just as Satan planned. The remaining men stand strong because they know that the only way that Satan can touch them is if they turn and run away like their fallen brothers. These stronger men understand that the battle they are fighting has already been won by the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, and that their job is simple; stand and be prepared to defend (1pet 3:15). The men have the overwhelming advantage, but the minds of men are fickle and easily swayed; hence, this spiritual warfare rages on into oblivion. So, what exactly is spiritual warfare and what effect does it have on the church today? What role does worship play in keeping demonic forces at bay, and is there a specific form of worship that is used in this form of combat? These are all great questions which we will endeavor to answer within the confines of this paper.
First off, in order to answer these questions, we will need to come up with a solid biblical definition of what spiritual warfare actually is. The Apostle Paul wrote:
For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Cor 10:3-5 NASB).
Paul was writing to a Corinthian people; who had wrongly accused him of walking in the flesh in the moral sense. It is important to remember that, in this passage, Paul was using the word “flesh” in the physical sense; after all, he was human. It is also important to note that although Paul was a man, he did not fight the battle for men’s souls with his ingenuity, wisdom, or clever methods. Such weapons are ineffective in the battle against the forces of darkness for the souls of men. We will come back to this point later. John Macarthur wrote in his commentary of this passage in 2 Corinthians that:
The Formidable spiritual strongholds manned by the forces of hell can be demolished only by spiritual weapons wielded by godly believers – singularly the “sword of the spirit” (Eph 6:17), since only the truth of God’s word can defeat satanic falsehoods. This is the true spiritual warfare. Believers are not instructed in the New Testament to assault demons or Satan, but to assault error with the truth. That is our battle (pg. 1747, Macarthur Study Bible, NASB).
That is about as solid of a definition of spiritual warfare that has been pieced together, and it will be our reference point to spiritual warfare from this point on. Spiritual warfare is the never ending struggle to fight the deceivers of this world; both physical and spiritual.
So, now that we have a better understanding of what spiritual warfare is; we need to dive in a little deeper and take a look at how it affects the modern day church. Now, for the sake of avoiding confusion, we are going to define the church as the universal body of believers with Jesus as the head. The church has unfairly received the connotation of being a religious institution or a building where religious activities take place, and while churches may be where believers congregate to worship the Lord, the actual church is the body; not the building. Spiritual warfare is something that the church has been dealing with since the beginning of time and the enemy has attacked the church with the same things all throughout history. False doctrine (see Galatians and Colossians), fear (Num 13:25-33), and deception (Gen. 3:13) have been Satan’s favorite tools forever, and they are the same problems that the church suffers from today. The church is in a state of disrepair and needs to make a stand in order to survive, but what is the church supposed to use to fight back against the forces of darkness?
The answer to that question brings us back to the passage from 2 Corinthians that we looked at earlier. Paul said, “For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses” (2 Cor. 10:4). The weapons he was talking about to the Corinthians were the same weapons that he writes about to all believers throughout his books in the Bible. Paul urges believers to become worshippers who, “speak to one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs” (Eph. 5:19). He also encourages everyone to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thess. 5:17). But which one of these weapons will strike a more devastating blow to the enemy? The answer is neither. Worship is not music, and worship is not prayer. Worship is a lifestyle. Singing and playing music for the purpose of exalting God is just as important as praying and interceding on the behalves of others. The only difference is that each person has different gifts, and connects with the Lord intimately in their own unique ways. We were all created by God to be instruments for Him and we all play our unique parts in His orchestra. As far as worship is concerned with spiritual warfare; it plays a huge role in suppressing the forces of darkness.
One scholar put it this way when he wrote:
Worship is taught as something which is actually accomplishing something in the spirit world and is linked to the prophetic revelation and spiritual warfare. More and more believers look to music as the primary source of spiritual fulfillment. New generations of charismatic’s are proclaiming that God is restoring to the overcoming end time church forms of worship that purportedly occurred in David’s tabernacle. This special restoration is touted as the crucial element in God’s plan to restore His glory to the final church as a prelude to the second coming of Christ (deceptioninthechurch.com).
First off, in order to answer these questions, we will need to come up with a solid biblical definition of what spiritual warfare actually is. The Apostle Paul wrote:
For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Cor 10:3-5 NASB).
Paul was writing to a Corinthian people; who had wrongly accused him of walking in the flesh in the moral sense. It is important to remember that, in this passage, Paul was using the word “flesh” in the physical sense; after all, he was human. It is also important to note that although Paul was a man, he did not fight the battle for men’s souls with his ingenuity, wisdom, or clever methods. Such weapons are ineffective in the battle against the forces of darkness for the souls of men. We will come back to this point later. John Macarthur wrote in his commentary of this passage in 2 Corinthians that:
The Formidable spiritual strongholds manned by the forces of hell can be demolished only by spiritual weapons wielded by godly believers – singularly the “sword of the spirit” (Eph 6:17), since only the truth of God’s word can defeat satanic falsehoods. This is the true spiritual warfare. Believers are not instructed in the New Testament to assault demons or Satan, but to assault error with the truth. That is our battle (pg. 1747, Macarthur Study Bible, NASB).
That is about as solid of a definition of spiritual warfare that has been pieced together, and it will be our reference point to spiritual warfare from this point on. Spiritual warfare is the never ending struggle to fight the deceivers of this world; both physical and spiritual.
So, now that we have a better understanding of what spiritual warfare is; we need to dive in a little deeper and take a look at how it affects the modern day church. Now, for the sake of avoiding confusion, we are going to define the church as the universal body of believers with Jesus as the head. The church has unfairly received the connotation of being a religious institution or a building where religious activities take place, and while churches may be where believers congregate to worship the Lord, the actual church is the body; not the building. Spiritual warfare is something that the church has been dealing with since the beginning of time and the enemy has attacked the church with the same things all throughout history. False doctrine (see Galatians and Colossians), fear (Num 13:25-33), and deception (Gen. 3:13) have been Satan’s favorite tools forever, and they are the same problems that the church suffers from today. The church is in a state of disrepair and needs to make a stand in order to survive, but what is the church supposed to use to fight back against the forces of darkness?
The answer to that question brings us back to the passage from 2 Corinthians that we looked at earlier. Paul said, “For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses” (2 Cor. 10:4). The weapons he was talking about to the Corinthians were the same weapons that he writes about to all believers throughout his books in the Bible. Paul urges believers to become worshippers who, “speak to one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs” (Eph. 5:19). He also encourages everyone to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thess. 5:17). But which one of these weapons will strike a more devastating blow to the enemy? The answer is neither. Worship is not music, and worship is not prayer. Worship is a lifestyle. Singing and playing music for the purpose of exalting God is just as important as praying and interceding on the behalves of others. The only difference is that each person has different gifts, and connects with the Lord intimately in their own unique ways. We were all created by God to be instruments for Him and we all play our unique parts in His orchestra. As far as worship is concerned with spiritual warfare; it plays a huge role in suppressing the forces of darkness.
One scholar put it this way when he wrote:
Worship is taught as something which is actually accomplishing something in the spirit world and is linked to the prophetic revelation and spiritual warfare. More and more believers look to music as the primary source of spiritual fulfillment. New generations of charismatic’s are proclaiming that God is restoring to the overcoming end time church forms of worship that purportedly occurred in David’s tabernacle. This special restoration is touted as the crucial element in God’s plan to restore His glory to the final church as a prelude to the second coming of Christ (deceptioninthechurch.com).
The first sentence of this quote is where the church is losing the spiritual battle. It is true that the church teaches that worship is meant to accomplish a task, but the actual task is rarely talked about within the confines of the sanctuary. When the congregation gathers together on a Sunday morning and the band starts playing, is the church body concerned with interceding? Is the general public of the church thinking about how excited they are to have the ability to praise their Lord and Savior, unabated, and without the restraints of the government? Or is our modern church more concerned with how well the band plays or with what they are each going to get out of the “worship” set? Although it may not be true for all churches, it is safe to say that the majority of believers fall into the latter, and sing the songs on Sunday morning without any concept of the power behind the words that they utter. Solomon said, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eats its fruit” (Prov. 18:21). The words that we speak, and sing, have power and if the church could wake up and realize that if they would go and speak truth in the name of Jesus; healings and many other miracles would take place, and the tide of the spiritual battle would turn in favor of God’s kingdom (Mk. 16:16-18). However, the question remains; how is this modern day Davidic tabernacle style of worship going to look? Luke writes in Acts 15 that:
“With this the words of the prophets agree, just as it is written, After these things I will return, and I will rebuild the tabernacle of David which is fallen, and I will rebuild its ruins, and I will restore it, So that the rest of mankind may seek the Lord, and all the Gentiles who are called by My Name, Says the Lord, who makes these things known from long ago "(Acts 15:15-18).
These verses clearly state that the Davidic tabernacle will be restored during the end times, but how is this pertinent to the topic of spiritual warfare? Well, if the only weapon that we can wield in the battle against spiritual warfare is worship, in the form of music or prayer, then we need to know exactly what the Bible has to say about worship. As previously stated, worship is a lifestyle, and as a form of warfare, our worship should pour forth from our bodies, souls, and minds with every ounce of energy that we have. The church, as a body of worshippers, should have but one intention: to “go into the world and make disciples of all nations” (Mt. 28:19). The fact of the matter is this; we may be the only form of Jesus that some people will ever see, and if the love of Christ is not pouring out of every orifice of our being, we become ineffective. Our task is to be a light in the darkest places of the earth, and our lifestyles of worship are how we are going to be able to combat the forces of darkness.
The enemy has done everything within his power to keep Christians from fulfilling the simple tasks that they have been called to by the Father. Satan’s primary objective is to deceive and disunite the church. He looks for the weak spots in the armor of men in order to break the chain of worshippers standing against him. The important thing to remember is that there are very few differences between physical warfare and spiritual warfare. In both spiritual and physical warfare, two sides are necessary for battle, each side has weapons and armor, there is confrontation, there is pain, training makes the soldiers better prepared for battle, and most importantly, there is a victor. However, in this case, we already know who has won the battle. It may not seem like a fair fight, but Satan knew that it would not be a fair fight when he got into this mess. He would have had to know that he could never match the glory of God, and now he has nothing except the ability to pull human souls away from the Kingdom of Heaven; a pitiful existence indeed.
The war rages onward, increasing in intensity, with every passing day, as the earth spirals closer and closer to its peril. Who will prevail in the battle for the spiritual realm? Jesus Christ will prevail, and all He asks of us is that we believe in Him and keep His commandments. We are to become the worshippers that we were created to be, and our mission is to be a light in the midst of the darkness. The overpowering essence of Jesus Christ inside of us should be more than enough to motivate a mere human being to defend the glory of the God who showed us grace in spite of our total depravity, and we should never hesitate to go wherever and whenever He calls us. The war will rage onward, but we know who wins, and that is all we will ever need to know.
“With this the words of the prophets agree, just as it is written, After these things I will return, and I will rebuild the tabernacle of David which is fallen, and I will rebuild its ruins, and I will restore it, So that the rest of mankind may seek the Lord, and all the Gentiles who are called by My Name, Says the Lord, who makes these things known from long ago "(Acts 15:15-18).
These verses clearly state that the Davidic tabernacle will be restored during the end times, but how is this pertinent to the topic of spiritual warfare? Well, if the only weapon that we can wield in the battle against spiritual warfare is worship, in the form of music or prayer, then we need to know exactly what the Bible has to say about worship. As previously stated, worship is a lifestyle, and as a form of warfare, our worship should pour forth from our bodies, souls, and minds with every ounce of energy that we have. The church, as a body of worshippers, should have but one intention: to “go into the world and make disciples of all nations” (Mt. 28:19). The fact of the matter is this; we may be the only form of Jesus that some people will ever see, and if the love of Christ is not pouring out of every orifice of our being, we become ineffective. Our task is to be a light in the darkest places of the earth, and our lifestyles of worship are how we are going to be able to combat the forces of darkness.
The enemy has done everything within his power to keep Christians from fulfilling the simple tasks that they have been called to by the Father. Satan’s primary objective is to deceive and disunite the church. He looks for the weak spots in the armor of men in order to break the chain of worshippers standing against him. The important thing to remember is that there are very few differences between physical warfare and spiritual warfare. In both spiritual and physical warfare, two sides are necessary for battle, each side has weapons and armor, there is confrontation, there is pain, training makes the soldiers better prepared for battle, and most importantly, there is a victor. However, in this case, we already know who has won the battle. It may not seem like a fair fight, but Satan knew that it would not be a fair fight when he got into this mess. He would have had to know that he could never match the glory of God, and now he has nothing except the ability to pull human souls away from the Kingdom of Heaven; a pitiful existence indeed.
The war rages onward, increasing in intensity, with every passing day, as the earth spirals closer and closer to its peril. Who will prevail in the battle for the spiritual realm? Jesus Christ will prevail, and all He asks of us is that we believe in Him and keep His commandments. We are to become the worshippers that we were created to be, and our mission is to be a light in the midst of the darkness. The overpowering essence of Jesus Christ inside of us should be more than enough to motivate a mere human being to defend the glory of the God who showed us grace in spite of our total depravity, and we should never hesitate to go wherever and whenever He calls us. The war will rage onward, but we know who wins, and that is all we will ever need to know.
I learned a lot from this project, and I hope you enjoyed my paper.
God Bless,
~Matt
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
A Day in the Life of a Man Who Lost His Confidence
Ok, so I've been avoiding writing anything about my life this semester, but I think it might be time to share a little bit about what God is doing in me.
For starters, God has been teaching me that I need to stop worrying so much about things that don't really matter, and that I need to make sure that I am bringing my problems to Him first. As a part of this process God has also been teaching me that I need to stop hiding behind the walls that I have built in my life (ie. School, Sarcasm, Self-Doubt, and Fear of Failure) in order to be used by Him. I am admittedly disobedient when comes to this, and at times, I feel socially inept because I am practically incapable of making friends. It isn't that I don't want to make new friends; it's just that every time I try, I fail miserably and say something retarded. I've noticed a pattern in my habits lately, and I can trace it back to the beginning of this year that the people I have admired most and wanted to get to know more than anyone else are very the people that I tend to push away from myself. I don't know why I do it and I certainly wish I didn't, but the fact of the matter is that my confidence is absolutely shot, and I have a very hard time getting close to people now. As a few people know, I made a commitment to the Lord to remain single for the entirety of 2009, and to be completely honest, 2009 is almost over and I still don't feel like I am in a place where I could be a spiritual leader in a relationship. It pains me to say that, but I know it's true. I have too many areas in my life that I still need to surrender to God and despite what many people may say, I am in no place to pursue a relationship. I need to work on friendships first.
Secondly, (yes, I know that first "paragraph" was long) God has specifically been teaching me be less critical of others. Everyone who knows me knows that I have a very analytical personality, and that I tend to say offensive things to people; I promise that a vast majority of the offensive things that I've said are unintentional. Once again, and on the same note as the paragraph above, my critical nature derives from my self doubt and academic obsession. If you hadn't noticed, I love school. School is the one setting that I feel comfortable in, and oddly enough it's the one place that I am able to truly relax. When I get in school mode I sometimes have the tendency to forget that there are even other people around me, and I get lost in my thoughts. Lately I've had an insanely large number of things on my mind, and I've been ignoring God who has been telling me to stop getting lost in my own little world and talk to people (which is still hard for me to do). I know I must sound like a confused loser who probably just needs to get over his past, but believe me when I say that you truly don't understand. I can say that with confidence because I know for a fact that there are probably only 3 people on this planet who truly understand who I am and what my goals are. I know this because I know who has actually cared enough to ask me questions about my life, and I know which ones I haven't lied too. That may sound terrible, but again, I have a hard time getting close to people and trusting them. I usually just assume that people ask me things about my life because they feel obligated to ask me rather than actually caring about me, or I feel like I can't tell them because they'll tell someone else. I'm working on this part of my life, and God is really challenging me to branch out and allow people to get to know me. I just get tired of being misunderstood.
Lastly, God is testing my patience. Patience is usually something that isn't hard for me to deal with, but lately it's been difficult. I know that everything that God has for my life will be revealed to me in His perfect timing, and I trust that He holds everything together. I'm just having a hard time seeing where He wants me to go next, and that scares me. However, it also excites me. I can't wait to see what the Lord has for my future, and I can't wait to throw caution to the wind and follow Him wherever He leads me...I just want to know.
Anyways, these are a few things that God is showing me and a few areas of my life that I'm working on. I hope this helps some of you understand who I am a little bit more than you did before, and I hope I didn't offend anyone with what I've written. Please pray for me as I continue to pray for all of you, and please know that I genuinely care about all of you.
God Bless,
~Matt
For starters, God has been teaching me that I need to stop worrying so much about things that don't really matter, and that I need to make sure that I am bringing my problems to Him first. As a part of this process God has also been teaching me that I need to stop hiding behind the walls that I have built in my life (ie. School, Sarcasm, Self-Doubt, and Fear of Failure) in order to be used by Him. I am admittedly disobedient when comes to this, and at times, I feel socially inept because I am practically incapable of making friends. It isn't that I don't want to make new friends; it's just that every time I try, I fail miserably and say something retarded. I've noticed a pattern in my habits lately, and I can trace it back to the beginning of this year that the people I have admired most and wanted to get to know more than anyone else are very the people that I tend to push away from myself. I don't know why I do it and I certainly wish I didn't, but the fact of the matter is that my confidence is absolutely shot, and I have a very hard time getting close to people now. As a few people know, I made a commitment to the Lord to remain single for the entirety of 2009, and to be completely honest, 2009 is almost over and I still don't feel like I am in a place where I could be a spiritual leader in a relationship. It pains me to say that, but I know it's true. I have too many areas in my life that I still need to surrender to God and despite what many people may say, I am in no place to pursue a relationship. I need to work on friendships first.
Secondly, (yes, I know that first "paragraph" was long) God has specifically been teaching me be less critical of others. Everyone who knows me knows that I have a very analytical personality, and that I tend to say offensive things to people; I promise that a vast majority of the offensive things that I've said are unintentional. Once again, and on the same note as the paragraph above, my critical nature derives from my self doubt and academic obsession. If you hadn't noticed, I love school. School is the one setting that I feel comfortable in, and oddly enough it's the one place that I am able to truly relax. When I get in school mode I sometimes have the tendency to forget that there are even other people around me, and I get lost in my thoughts. Lately I've had an insanely large number of things on my mind, and I've been ignoring God who has been telling me to stop getting lost in my own little world and talk to people (which is still hard for me to do). I know I must sound like a confused loser who probably just needs to get over his past, but believe me when I say that you truly don't understand. I can say that with confidence because I know for a fact that there are probably only 3 people on this planet who truly understand who I am and what my goals are. I know this because I know who has actually cared enough to ask me questions about my life, and I know which ones I haven't lied too. That may sound terrible, but again, I have a hard time getting close to people and trusting them. I usually just assume that people ask me things about my life because they feel obligated to ask me rather than actually caring about me, or I feel like I can't tell them because they'll tell someone else. I'm working on this part of my life, and God is really challenging me to branch out and allow people to get to know me. I just get tired of being misunderstood.
Lastly, God is testing my patience. Patience is usually something that isn't hard for me to deal with, but lately it's been difficult. I know that everything that God has for my life will be revealed to me in His perfect timing, and I trust that He holds everything together. I'm just having a hard time seeing where He wants me to go next, and that scares me. However, it also excites me. I can't wait to see what the Lord has for my future, and I can't wait to throw caution to the wind and follow Him wherever He leads me...I just want to know.
Anyways, these are a few things that God is showing me and a few areas of my life that I'm working on. I hope this helps some of you understand who I am a little bit more than you did before, and I hope I didn't offend anyone with what I've written. Please pray for me as I continue to pray for all of you, and please know that I genuinely care about all of you.
God Bless,
~Matt
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