I May be at Rock Bottom, but I'm Making a Comeback...

God has been doing a lot of work in my heart lately, and right now I feel so empty. I feel so stagnant and unoriginal, and I just can't seem to do anything right. I know that sometimes we need to fail in order to grow, but I've never felt so worthless before. Not worthless in the sense that I'm never going to amount to anything, but more in the sense that it has just taken me this long to hit rock bottom. Giving up myself to serve God has destroyed life as I have known it, and has ruined me for for His purpose. I feel like I'm walking alone down this narrow path, and all I want is to be around people who don't resent me for what I believe. Lately, my faith has lost me my job (My boss is an agnostic who resents my views), it has pushed a lot of my 'friends' away, and it has torn me down the middle and forced me to choose whose side I'm on. I never thought that I would have to be intentional about choosing Jesus every morning when I wake up, but I'm finding out just how important it is to put Him first. I'm realizing that Jesus can't just be a part of my day; He needs to be my whole day, and everything else can come after Him. I really am at one of the lowest places that I've ever been in life, but I know that by putting Jesus first I can only go up from here.

I feel like God is calling me to become more of a spiritual leader, and I feel like He's telling me to start a weekly Bible study for guys my age who really want to go deeper. So, please pray that God will work that out and show me what I need to do, and that He would be preparing some guys who will really be committed to growing closer to God with me. Also, now that I don't have a job, please pray that God will provide a good summer job for me. And finally, please pray that I'll be able to stay strong and courageous in the face of the trials that I'm going through now, and the trials that will inevitably come in te future.

I'm praying for you all, and I thank you for your prayers.

God Bless,
~Matt