Tribute

This post is dedicated to one of the best friends I've ever had. Her passion for the Lord is what drew me to her, and her desire for God's will is inspiring. I am so thankful for you Melanie...Happy Birthday.

~Matt

Responsible...me?

Finals week is upon me, and I have way too many things to do before this semester is finished. I tell myself before the start of every semester that this will be the semester that I'll stay ahead of my work and finish all of my homework early. Unfortunately, I have not been able to meet my goals. There are a lot of things I could blame for me not getting my homework done, but it really comes back to my inability to say no to people. I've always been the guy who is willing to go out of his way to help people, and I have always enjoyed being that guy. However, I'm slowly realizing that I need to learn how to be that guy, and still be responsible at the same time. I take on more and more responsibility every single day, but I haven't been getting anymore responsible and that's not how I want to be anymore. I've implemented a few new strategies into my life that will hopefully get be on to the track to becoming a more responsible human being, and so far they seem to be helping. They're just simple things like getting up early consistently, replace watching television with reading, and running at the same time every day (weather permitting). I've already noticed a change in myself, and I feel like I have a lot more energy. Maybe even enough to get me through finals week.

Praying,
~Matt

"The Gift of Singleness"

You know those nights when you feel like God just smacks you upside the head and says, "duh!"? I had one of those nights tonight. I went to "The Hour" (a weekly college/singles ministry at my church) tonight, and got blindsided by a message about Singleness. I have been struggling with my state of singleness ever since I became single, and I guess I've been treating it as some sort of a punishment. But tonight the pastor really put some things into perspective that I needed to hear.

After worship, I sat down and the pastor said, "Open up your bibles to 1 Corinthians chapter 7..." Immediately an alarm went off in my head and a voice started screaming, "ABORT, ABORT!...get out now because this one is going to hit you where it hurts!" I'll be completely honest and say that I did squirm a bit in my seat tonight. He asked us to turn to chapter 7 verse 7, and he read Paul's words, "Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that." The pastor explained to us the importance of being content with our singleness, and how we should view it as a priviledge to be single. It is a priviledge to not have the distractions of a relationship holding me down and keeping my eyes off of the Lord, and I'm learning to be thankful for having so much time to spend alone with Jesus.

The burdon of wanting to be married has weighed heavy on my heart for some time now. My friends have always called me crazy for wanting to get married at such a young age, but I've felt that it is what God wants for me. Tonight that burdon was lifted. Marriage is still something I desire, but it is no longer something that is going to dominate my thoughts. I'm learning that I need to be married first to Christ in order to be prepared for the possibility of marriage. In the past I've hated being single, but this time I'm going to be much more intentional with my time and Jesus will be the only thing I long for from now on. Until He tells me otherwise.

Some quotes that impacted me from the sermon tonight:
"A single man/woman's focus should be on the Lord, and his/her attention not divided."
"Do not be anxious for marriage. It is ok to have a desire to be married, but do not be anxious. . . Trust God."
"You'll be a better mate in marriage if you become a better lover of Christ."

There's so much more I could say, but it's time for bed now.

God Bless,
~Matt

I May be at Rock Bottom, but I'm Making a Comeback...

God has been doing a lot of work in my heart lately, and right now I feel so empty. I feel so stagnant and unoriginal, and I just can't seem to do anything right. I know that sometimes we need to fail in order to grow, but I've never felt so worthless before. Not worthless in the sense that I'm never going to amount to anything, but more in the sense that it has just taken me this long to hit rock bottom. Giving up myself to serve God has destroyed life as I have known it, and has ruined me for for His purpose. I feel like I'm walking alone down this narrow path, and all I want is to be around people who don't resent me for what I believe. Lately, my faith has lost me my job (My boss is an agnostic who resents my views), it has pushed a lot of my 'friends' away, and it has torn me down the middle and forced me to choose whose side I'm on. I never thought that I would have to be intentional about choosing Jesus every morning when I wake up, but I'm finding out just how important it is to put Him first. I'm realizing that Jesus can't just be a part of my day; He needs to be my whole day, and everything else can come after Him. I really am at one of the lowest places that I've ever been in life, but I know that by putting Jesus first I can only go up from here.

I feel like God is calling me to become more of a spiritual leader, and I feel like He's telling me to start a weekly Bible study for guys my age who really want to go deeper. So, please pray that God will work that out and show me what I need to do, and that He would be preparing some guys who will really be committed to growing closer to God with me. Also, now that I don't have a job, please pray that God will provide a good summer job for me. And finally, please pray that I'll be able to stay strong and courageous in the face of the trials that I'm going through now, and the trials that will inevitably come in te future.

I'm praying for you all, and I thank you for your prayers.

God Bless,
~Matt